Not sure if I should do work or not if the only thing I want is to be miserable

[Chyuuuu]

Recently I think I can feel my antidepressants starting to work. However, I spent so long when I was depressed telling myself that I don't want to get better or be happy, and still feel that way to an extent. Now I feel like if I start doing things that would be good for me like doing schoolwork or going outside it would undermine my progress and I will lose what I spent so much time on, and return to mediocrity. The only downside of not doing work is that it would just draw attention which would just be uncomfortable and humiliating and something I want to avoid, but I can't bring myself to just be good to myself. Perhaps this lifestyle of just doing nothing is more comfortable and i'm too lazy to do anything else, or I feel like my depression/misery was an excuse or achievement in some way. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do?

[bindi-QLD]

Hi Chyuuuu,

I totally understand you, I am glad you were brave enough to write about how you are feeling. I wanted to let you know, a lot of people feeling depression are uncomfortable with feeling well at first. And its not just depression, but other kinds of emotional stress too.

You are not lazy or anything. Its just that at first you feel like you are covering up, playing `nice' in the world but its not who you feel you really are. There is pain there still. Meds make it feel more dull, but you still want acknowledgement for the pain you feel. You don't want to put on an act, and I respect that.

I think the way to perhaps to view meds, is they are a good start , they can help you function when you need to fulfill basic goals and survive. They are not a substitute for the pain relief you need in your heart and mind.

Some things you may consider to explore are real therapy with a good psychologist, support groups online, a psychiatrist. A lot of those really help with the proper validation you still need.

Anyway, if you feel like talking more about your depression, please do.