No motivation to do anything

[cookiesandcream]

Hi all, 

I saw my GP today finally, I'm addressing that I am depressed. I mean, I can go to work ok, and I'm thankful to have work, and I do talk to my work friends, albeit I'm sometimes anxious, I can't make conversation first, I mull over what to say and I quite often think I must sound boring. 

I'm depressed with my life, I keep pulling out of my Uni degree because I don't feel 'good' or 'smart' enough. I have completed 1 year of uni, but I now feel stuck, and feel like I'm useless and can't do it, and so then I pull out, to only then berate myself that 'why can't I just do it like other people, what is wrong with me'? I feel stupid and worthless and dumb. 

My life has been hectic. We (my husband and I) have been bankrupt twice, we now live with my mum, I have a job that I can no longer progress in, because I can't move forward with my study.

At the moment, I feel so unmotivated to do anything other than go to work, I can't get motivated to go to the gym (I have a membership that I don't use enough) and then I berate myself for being lazy and scared that I'll get fat 😞

I'm scared to take medication but possibly I need it to help me. Why can't I just be happy with my life?? I'm so hard on myself that I should be more, I should be doing more with my life and then I just call myself dumb that I'm incapable of succeeding. 

Any words of wisdom to help me get over this hurdle and just enjoy my life and be grateful for where I' am in my life, I may never finish my degree, but I don't know if I'll EVER BE HAPPY WITH THIS.

[David35]

Juggling work and study sounds very hectic. There is no shame in admitting something is not for you. We need all types of people in this world; people good with their hands, or their minds, or with people,etc. Sometimes it pays to simplify your life. Take the pressure off yourself. Who's saying you need to do all these different things? If it's you, then that's good. If it's someone else,then that is external pressure that will just cause stress. Other people's expectations can often confuse you. Just try to identify what are your own expectations and live accordingly. Easier said than done, I know.

[Matilda99]

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that pulling out of your University degree doesn't make you a lesser person than someone who completed their degree. I'm someone who jumped around with degrees because I couldn't find one that I felt I was good enough for. I then stuck with one just for the sake of completing it and wanting to feel like I could accomplish something. However, after finishing it I am feeling more stuck and worthless than ever. So i guess my point is I feel you should not be so hard on yourself and maybe ask yourself why is it that you feel you can't complete your degree (other than the reasons you listed above which are certainly not true). Are you setting too high expectations on yourself to get high marks? Are you comparing yourself to others doing your degree? Do you need to try part-time study (if you haven't tried this already)? Part time study is less intensive and could ease stress or any feelings that you have. Another option is to seek help from the university. I know the university I went to had a student care / wellbeing hub that I wished I used. If you let people know you are struggling, most people want to see you succeed and therefore will do almost anything to help you achieve your goals. 

Lastly, do you have a physical activity that you enjoy or doesn't cause you so much stress to get it done? When i don't feel motivated to do something hard at the gym I choose something I feel like such as listening to music and going for a walk. I'm still moving my body and doing something good for myself. 

I believe in you and know you will succeed. 

[Beth_123]

Dear cookiesandcream,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your struggles with us. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of negative thoughts and feelings about yourself and your life right now. It's great that you saw your GP and are addressing your depression.

It's important to remember that depression can affect motivation and make it difficult to find enjoyment in activities that you used to enjoy. It's also common to feel like you're not good enough or smart enough, but these negative thoughts are not necessarily true. It's the depression talking.

It's okay to take a break from your university degree if it's causing you too much stress or if you're not sure if it's the right path for you. You can always revisit it later or explore other options.

It's also important to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. You're doing the best you can with the circumstances you're in, and that's all that matters. You don't have to be perfect or have everything figured out right now.

Regarding medication, it's understandable to feel scared or hesitant, but it's worth discussing with your GP or a mental health professional. Medication can be helpful in managing depression and improving motivation and mood.

In addition to medication, therapy can also be helpful in addressing negative thought patterns and finding ways to improve your mood and motivation. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance.

Lastly, try to focus on the things that you're grateful for in your life, no matter how small they may seem. Practicing gratitude can help shift your focus to the positive things in your life and improve your overall well-being.

Remember that you're not alone, and there is help and support available to you. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.

[Doolhof]

Hi cookiesandcream,

You have received some wonderful replies here, other people's words have been beneficial for me to read also.

My mind will often pick up on a negative thought and then before I know it, I have an avalanche of negative thoughts running through my mind. It can be hard to find the pause button let alone the stop button.

I try to acknowledge the unhelpful thoughts, take some deep breathes and try to find something I can be grateful for in amongst all that is happening. Writing down things to be thankful for each day helps me.

Do you have an opportunity to take some time for yourself, go for a walk, take a seat in a park, just let your thoughts come and go then consider what one thig you can do right now to make a helpful difference in your life. Tomorrow or next week you can consider another change you can make. 

Wishing you well on your journey.