Newbie with a New Years Resolution to Reach Out & Get Better in 2017 - Need Help.

[Guest_934]

Hi I'm Ana,

I'm embarrassed to say that I'm severely depressed. I've always prided myself on being strong and externally tough however inside I'm falling apart. My family tell me I should be happy: I'm 28 and I was promoted to a management position 10 months ago at work and I received an offer into a prestigious art degree. I've had to defer my study until 2018 for financial reasons but overall I should be happy but I'm not and I don't know why I feel this way and what to do? I've had depression all my life and it's been manageable with medication. I haven't seen a psychiatrist for over two years and might consider seeing one again. I don't know any good ones in Sydney so any recommendations would be good. Right now is not a good time for me to fall off the rails - however I feel like it's about to happen when all the pieces in my life are falling into place!

I feel completely unmotivated. Getting out of bed is a struggle and dealing with my passive aggressive (turned slightly aggressive) supervisor everyday is starting to gnarl at my soul. I don't want to clean or contribute to my family life. I feel like a shell really.

My spiral down began when I started to show my art publicly and it was televised a year ago (after many years of hiding it due to the bullying in high school for it) and I've been receiving a lot of attention for it and it's open doors for me - doors I would never had dreamt would be open. However I under estimated the affect it would have on friends and family and the jealousy involved. I've had to unfollow/delete/block friends and family who were very negative towards me and I still don't feel happy. I feel alone - friends don't want to hang out as often because they don't want to hear my stories or what I've been up to in the art world and family are acting indifferent. It's a terrible place to be and completely different from a year ago. The cyber bullying from strangers, friends and family has taken it's toll on me to the point where I rarely log on to see anything online except reply to my emails. I've lost faith in people and that upsets me. My situation sounds so silly and the sadness of it is that's true. I feel annoyed, angry, disappointed and frustrated and at times wished I had never pursued my love for art or made it public.

I need help and I'm reaching out. Any advice, understanding or help would be appreciated.

xAna

[blondguy]

Hello Ana

Welcome to the BB Forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

You have achieved so much with your art as a result of your creativity and talent. I can see that the jealousy bug has come from others and started to bite you. Some people do feel uncomfortable when we succeed in life and they will 'try' to drag you down. Its sad but does happen. Tall poppy syndrome is alive and well here.

Huge Congratulations re your promotion to a senior role and the offer into a prestigious art degree too 🙂

I do feel for you with your depression Ana. This is my 21st year with it and take my meds so I have a foundation on which I can rebuild my life using regular therapy and all the various coping techniques.

We cant recommend a health prof on the forums but....here is the link to our 'find a professional' page for you 🙂

www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional

Just a few little tips if I may....

• please avoid social media. Its a great tool but can also expose us to unnecessary negative input
• avoid negative & overly critical people, they can also erode our foundation of good mental health
• the more regular the therapy the better you will feel Ana...even nag your GP for chat in the interim

Please never be embarrassed to say you are depressed...its no different to a physiological illness...heart disease...diabetes...a severe infection...Depression is also partially chemically based which makes it physical

There are many kind people here that can be here for you Ana. Many also have the same symptoms you do. It would be great if you could post back whether a question or even just for a vent/chat.

In the meantime my congratulations to you again. You are an achiever....Well done to you!!

please be kind to yourself

Paulx

[Zeal]

Hey Ana,

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad that Paul has already provided great advice.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is not a weakness or a flaw - it's an illness that doesn't discriminate. At 28, you have already worked hard and achieved within a competitive business environment, and pursued your passion in the arts - well done!

Having a mental illness long-term is a pain. I've had OCD/anxiety for 10 years now, since the age of 13. For your mental wellbeing, it's definitely worth making an appointment with a doctor (GP) for a referral to a mental health professional.

If you don't mind me asking, who lives in your household? I hope this jealousy towards you and your success isn't an issue in your own home. Like Paul said, this toxic behaviour is eating away at you and causing distress. Blocking people on social media who don't treat you well was wise. Limiting social media use, which you seem to be doing, is a good way to distance yourself from hurtful and jealous comments.

In addition to seeing a doctor/mental health professional, I recommend that you refer to relevant resources on this site: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

I just want you to know that your situation does not sound silly at all. I'm glad you've come to this forum for support and solidarity 🙂

It would be great to hear back from you.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ana,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

I’ve gotta say, I love your little pic beside your name.

Now I’ve gotta congratulate you on your obviously amazing talent that you have with your art and how it seems to be now progressing to levels, that you would not have thought possible. That is absolutely awesome. Good on you for this to happen.

But then, you’ve experienced the unfortunate downside of this … I guess it could almost be the tall poppy syndrome, where someone does good and others have to “cut them down”. I really don’t understand this and on top of this, that you are suffering your own personal mental health issues, that can only exacerbate your depression. Or is it simply jealousy that you are doing something wonderful with this gift that you have. For me personally, I’d be very proud to know you.

Before I go on, I do have to pull you up on something you said … firstly you said you were embarrassed to say that you suffer from severe depression. That is nothing to be embarrassed about at all. It is a genuine, terrible and horrible illness and for me, it’s an illness that is severe as cancer … it’s just that people “know” about cancer, cause they can “see it” (hope that makes sense).

The Facebook issue is a whole ‘nother thing … I am in early 50’s and only came to join Facebook about 6 months ago, because of a particular thing I became a member of, it was all done via FB, so I basically had to join. I’ve been careful with my friends, etc and posting of things as I had plenty of warnings that it can be a horrible place and I’ve heard of several bad stories … and unfortunately, yours sounds like one of them. It is good though that you can block or defriend these people; but comments can hurt. It’s a matter of trying to ignore them as best as you can.

I hope I’m not going around in circles, but my overwhelming thing here that I keep thinking about is “your success” with your art. I don’t know you, and yet I’m over the moon for you. I really hope that this success continues on for you and that it gathers and snowballs from here on in.

My other point before I send this, is to surround yourself with as many positive or like-minded people as you can … keep all the others at further than arms length and if they wish to change their mind, they’ll have to come crawling. It’s the like-minded folk that you need to be around.

I do hope you can come back and write again.

Neil

[Guest_934]

Paul, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. The morning after I joined and posted on this forum was the first day in months that I went to work with a positive outlook. I'll have a look at the list of health professionals - that's a great start.

Ana 🙂

[Guest_934]

Zeal, thank you for the encouragement. I will look into seeing a health professional. I think in the past my sessions with my psychiatrist (as lovely as they were) weren't effective because I wasn't willing to be honest about how I really felt. If you don't acknowledge something, than you can't fix it. I'll look into the resources as well. I've read two so far and they have been really helpful!

Ana 🙂

[Guest_934]

p.s I live with my brother and sister and they are reason why I'm still staying afloat.

[Guest_934]

Neil, thanks for the encouraging words and yes, I knew using the term 'embarrassed' wasn't cool but I had to admit to my own hypocrisy in order to deal with my shame and guilt with having depression. Baby steps 🙂

The pic is a phoenix rising form the ashes and it's how I feel about my life right now - a new beginning. Depression took so many productive years of my life and that's why I'm trying to fight so hard right now, not to go back. Social media is so toxic, I cannot begin to describe the depth of aggression people have when using it and I have cut considerable hours of my time on it now so I can clear my head and not be distracted - lets face it, when you're onto a good thing people will go to any lengths to distract you from your purpose. I don't have many friends anymore but I am living my truth gradually everyday - I think it's because people felt comfortable around me because I didn't make them feel bad about themselves until a year ago. I think grieving the loss of supposedly supportive friends and family was the hardest thing. However - thank you all for sharing your stories and support with me - its made a difference!

Ana 🙂

Ana 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi Ana

Thanks for posting back 🙂

I was the same as you and not letting my guard down with my doc's....until one bright young genius made me cry my heart out....It felt awful that I was 'dismantled' by a young psychiatric (yet very talented) nurse.

After 24-48 hours I felt like I was a free spirit again 🙂 He gave me my life back and broke through the silly force field I had up (which protected nothing but useless pride)

Your brother and sister are legends Ana 🙂 Maybe we can be here for you too......if you wish of course!

Whether you wish to vent or just have a chat, we are here for you.....(Great news too that you went to work with a positive outlook after posting) 🙂

My congrats again on your achievements.....Excellent

Paulx

[Guest_934]

Paul, you have no idea how happy that has made me feel knowing that you had a similar experience with your docs and gives me hope I will find the right health professional.

Thank you Paul - you've been here for me more than you realise.

Ana 🙂