New and need advice please

[Learningcurve]

Hi, I am a new member. I have recently been diagnosed with depression. My first ever experience with depression happened when my eldest was 15mths old (he is now almost 16). I used to cry all the time and came close to leaving my hubby and child. I called hubby at work on a particularly bad day and said I need help. I was put on medication for a couple of mths then came off it to have our 2nd child.  Since then I would often have times of feeling down, but as I have always worked part-time since having the kids (2 boys aged 16 & 13) I found using my days off while the kids were at school was enough to get me through. Since that episode 15 years ago I have never confided in anyone (including hubby) about my down times.  Last July I started a new role full-time and since then have not been coping, I cry all the time, mood swings and just generally feel really down.  In early November I finally sought help from a doctor who put me on medication.  I found I went downhill even more and very quickly for those couple of mths on the medication that I took myself off it. I have seen a psychologist twice now & my next appt is mid Feb. the psychologist recommended a 2nd opinion for my medication which I recently have done and am now on a new medication.  I have a family history of Bipolar on my Dad's side. I honestly don't know if I have bipolar, I can get very obsessed about projects/ideas where it controls me for days/weeks to then just give up on it without seeing it through.  The psychologist has not given me a diagnosis of anything as yet (not sure if they even do this). I believe I have a social anxiety also, as I get really anxious and feel like people don't like me. So tend to want to be on my own if I can. My main concerns are as I mentioned I haven't told hubby yet, I don't know why but I get really scared and nervous when I try to get up the courage to tell him.  Also I know my work is not helping, but we are just starting to get ahead financially so would feel so guilty and blame myself if I had to cut back my hours but I do know if I don't start improving will have to consider this option.  Any advice on telling partners especially since I have kept it from everyone for so long would be appreciated. I feel so alone and terrified about what's ahead.

[White_Rose]

Dear Learningcurve

Welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope we can help you. You have been coping on your own for a long time and this is not good.  So you have taken the first steps and talked to your GP.  There is a huge number of anti-depressants on the market, all with different effects.  How each person reacts is really unpredicable and is often a matter of trial and error.

Did you talk to your GP about the effects of the ADs?  They typically take about 4-6 weeks to fully take effect, although there is a slow build up over that time. The doctor would have changed the AD if it was ineffectual. I know I tried about a dozen different ADs before being able to tolerate one of them.

If your GP is not willing to change the medication then go to another GP. If you look under Get Support at the top of the page, then Find A Professional you will find a list of GPs with experience in mental health issues. This list is searchable by postcode.

How are you going with the psychologist? It does take a little time to become comfortable in this situation but by now it should be obvious if you are going to get along.

Have you talked to the psych about your reluctance to tell your husband about your difficulties? What is it that is stopping you? Do you think he will not understand or believe that you have an illness? Or do think he will be annoyed or upset and want you to leave work? I appreciate this will have an impact on your finances.

Tell us about your new job. Do you enjoy and is it the sort of thing you have wanted to do? Apart from the change of hours there may be aspects of the job you dislike or feel uneasy about and this is affecting your mood.

Psychologists are qualified to diagnose mental illnesses and should be able to tell you if you have a Bipolar Disorder or not.

One of the worts things about depression and related illnesses is feeling alone and managing alone. A partner is usually the best placed person to give support but sometimes they feel overwhelmed by the illness and worried about the effects on their spouse.

I suggest you take time to write down what you want to say to him. Think about it and rewrite it in dot points if you can. Be as open and honest as you can. I remember my daughter and husband giving mixed messages about  children. They were both too busy trrying to second guess each other that they forgot their own feelings.

Under The Facts and Get Resources you can find information for you and family which can be sent to you.

I hope to hear from you again.

Mary