Never fit in

[TiredDownOut]

Does anyone else feel that there is no place in the world for them? I have always struggled to fit in anywhere and I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm 49. Struggled to fit in at school and same goes for the workplace. Doesn't matter how hard I try I just get rejected time and again. I feel hated for no reason. I try to do the right thing by others but it counts for nothing. Got sacked from a new job yesterday. My boss blamed me for her early miscarriage said I had upset her. Is this Salem? Am I a witch that can make ill just with a look? It's plain ridiculous now. What's the point of carrying on when you can't even make friends. How weary of the world I feel!

[Busymum]

Hi,

I feel the same way, I describe it to my psychologist of viewing the world but not being a "part' of it. What I have been trying to do is try and include myself in small areas. For example, when I buy a coffee I ask the person serving how their day has been. It makes me feel included in their world even if its just for a minute. I'm hoping to gradually feel less awkward and hopefully more included in bigger situations.

[Keira2]

Hi TiredDownOut,

I feel exactly the same as you do, that I don't belong anywhere and I feel hated. I am struggling with this right now and don't feel good in my work environment. Previously being disliked or put down didn't trouble me too much, but then in 2012 the particular people that seemed to be against me were unfortunately people that were in a position where they could have a big impact on my life/future/career. I've never been the same since and the feeling of being hated has become really overwhelming.

I'm sorry you got sacked and by the sounds of it for no good reason (you're correct, you did not cause your bosses miscarriage). In my current workplace I have seen so many capable, competent workers get bullied or sacked or both, for no apparent reason. It has shocked me how common it is for people to be sacked, this happens to a lot of people.

I hope you have some support and things get better for you soon.

Keira

[therising]

Hi TiredDownOut

Whenever someone expresses how hard it is to fit in I often wonder what it is they're trying to fit into. For example, a thoughtful and giving person can be trying to fit into environments where thoughtless takers suck the life out of them. A gay person can be trying to fit into a religious community which flat out rejects them and thinks they should perhaps even burn in hell. How horrible! My 13yo son has a tough time fitting into a year 8 school community of boys who swear a lot, place great value in playing sport, speak poorly of girls and celebrate a bullying mentality. By the way, he's a thoughtful, mature, generally non sporting non swearing kid who respects all who deserve respect (no matter their gender). I do my best to encourage him to identify with close friends who have a similar nature to him; for if he identifies himself through kids of the opposite nature he's going to be left wondering 'What's wrong with me, why don't I fit in?' In my opinion, there's nothing 'wrong' with him.

Me, I'm a spiritual person (of the non religious variety) who used to dye my hair purple before I went back to work after being a stay at home mum. In one community, I'd be seen as one of those 'Woo woo spiritual weirdos' with an unnatural hair colour who is too lazy to get a job. in another (nurturing) environment I would have been seen as someone who is deeply connected to life, colourful, self-expressive and wanting to be there for my kids as much as possible.

Goes to show, there's not necessarily anything 'wrong' with us; it's simply the environment that's wrong for us. The wrong environment is a killer of self-esteem, a destroyer of personal harmless expression and a facilitator of self-doubt.

It's unfortunate that, as kids, we're rarely taught the life skills that seriously matter. How to tie our shoelaces is typically given preference over how to find 'our tribe' (the people who will support us, inspire us and love us unconditionally). Give me Velcro! If we're not taught to use our compass, that instinctive/intuitive part of us that guides us toward our tribe, we can feel lost in more ways than one.

Identify your most authentic nature and seek your tribe!

By the way, with an estimated 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage, much of the time it comes down to the body rejecting what basically isn't forming properly. May sound a bit clinical but 15 years later, after experiencing 2 miscarriages myself, logic has overridden emotion.

Take care

[CoraC]

therising, I just wanted to say how much value I got from reading your post, thank you.

TiredDownOut, I hope things are looking a bit brighter for you now. It can be really hard to find a place, and people where you feel like you 'fit'.