Never felt like this before.

[Emma N]

Hi, it's my first time posting on this site and I've come here because I don't know what to do with myself. Since last year I have been struggling with feelings or more of a heaviness around me. I'm posting because I used to be able to find the positive in every day and get past how I am feeling. Lately, though I find it harder and harder to push these feelings away. I always feel like theres a tightening in my chest and everything is closing in. I've been having issues with money, issues with never having time for myself or my partner and I just feel so exhausted by everything. Only recently I've been thinking about what it would be like if I wasn't here. I don't want to kill myself but I just would like everything to stop for a while. I used to be such a happy and easy going person. I just feel like I am never that anymore and I don't know what to do. I am so tired of struggling everyday. 

[Croix]

Dear Emma N~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a good choice on your part as you can look around and see how others have coped and what was good for them.

Although what you have describe is a bit like me when my depression and anxiety was starting I think you really need to find out first if there is any physical reason for the way you feel, so might I suggest you book an extended consultation wiht a GP and be tested -you never know it could be something quite simple.

If there is no physical cause then again you need to be diagnosed to see what's what. Please do not make the same mistake as I did and hang on by myself for far too long, hoping things would sort themselves out. It made things harder to treat by the time I got the appropriate medical attention. In fact I did not improve until I did. So please see the doctor soon.

When exhausted, not keeping up with  things and having worries as well as feeling a great heaviness in life it is more than natural to want to have a rest, for things to just stop for a while to have a breather. Actually I found wanting to have that rest was a bit frightening in case things got worse and that desire became greater.

You'll be pleased to know that I slowly improved and am a different person with the energy to love and be loved, work, and take satisfaction in what I do.

I"m wondering if you are trying to face this all alone or if you have someone else to give you support? It is so much harder in isolation. Is this someone you can talk things over with your partner, family member or friend? Someone who will not just try to 'fix' things but just listen, care and help where they can.

It is a difficult and probably confusing time for you, you are always welcome here

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Emma, depression of any type can suddenly take over our lives, even though there might not be any reason as to why, and before you quitely think it won't happen to you and when it does it's such a devastation.

Emma you are no different than the rest of us, and in saying that it doesn't mean that it's easy to cope with, it's certainly not, because much changes, including with our partner/spouse and indeed our family/friends.

These issues only keep coming back to annoy us and because we aren't well, we can't deal with them, like we could before.

If you go and see your doctor they can put you on a 'mental health plan', which means Medicare pay for 20 sessions to talk with a psychologist/psychiatrist per year, this may enable you to get the help you so deserve.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[therising]

Hi Emma

I've found 3 of the most enlightening words to be 'under the circumstances'. When used, they can help explain so much. Based on the circumstances you face, I feel so deeply for you as you try so hard to work out why you're experiencing such overwhelming challenge in your life.

Being a 52yo gal who's prone to feeling what can be depressing and anxiety inducing, 'under the circumstances' has revealed to me why I've found myself in periods of depression and/or anxiety at times over the years. A couple of examples

• When feelings become intense, this changes so much. For example, when I can see the bank balance is not great, that's one thing. When I can feel how low the funds in the account are, that's a whole other thing. Under the circumstances of feeling a stressful lack of money through my nervous system (which interacts with my heart, lungs, blood pressure etc), I can feel the lack of money through an increased heart rate, a sense of suffocation and I can feel the (blood) pressure in my head actually increase. How to change the feel of the money situation becomes a challenge. Yep, easier said than done
• Under the circumstances of feeling a depressing and fearful lack of money and free time and the level of exhaustion that comes with trying to manage gaining more money and more free time, this can become a highly complex 5 fold challenge. 1) there's the challenge to manage the inner dialogue, 2) the challenge to manage the nervous system, 3) the challenge to manage functioning under a level of exhaustion perhaps never faced before, 4) the challenge to manage finances and time, perhaps through some form of conscious budget/schedule and 5) the need to find a co-manager so you're not trying to work things out alone

I've found every depressing or anxiety inducing time in my life to have held challenges. Questions can be 'What is this challenge truly about? Is it one I can manage/master on my own or do I need a co-manager? How am I feeling it? Do I need to manage how I'm feeling it?' etc. I've never had to manage how I breathe until last year, when I faced high levels of anxiety (hyperactivity through my thoughts and nervous system). Finding new ways to manage, under the circumstances, is sometimes the greatest challenge of all.