Need help

[laura86]

Hi everyone,   

I’m new to sharing here but really needed to reach out for help.   

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years now and am currently in a massive low period. I recently left a horrible workplace for a better job- this is a good thing and I am proud of myself for moving on. However I now work for a very small business and don’t have anyone to really talk to on a day-to-day level and this had effected me more than I thought it would. I feel as though I have lost most of the friends I had despite trying to keep in contact and everyone else seems to be overseas, away with work or just too busy.   

A couple of weeks ago I had a big meltdown while

I was home alone.  For the first time in years those truly dark thoughts came back where I couldn’t control my pain and emptiness and thought seriously about taking my life.  The worst part was having no one to reach out to. I felt totally alone and worthless. Although those really bad suicidalfeelings are not as strong I wake up every day with horrible anxiety and sadness. I often don’t know how I’ll get through the day at work and cry whenever I’m alone.      

Since then my partner has come home from his business trip and has been really supportive even though I’m just

sad all the time. I just wish it was over but I feel like it is just getting worse every day.  I can’t afford to see a psychiatrist and in my local area there isn’t like a community-based service that is cheaper. I suppose I feel lost, alone and desperate.     

Anyway, I thought I should try to reach out here and see what happens. 

Thank you for listening and for your support   

Laura

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[Jacko777]

Hi Laura86,

You are not alone anymore. You have reached out and here you will find people that share your experiences, people that will have advice, support and love. With this you can make some fresh plans to ascend from this low period, starting now!

It is obvious from your post that you are a loving partner, an ambitious employee and an intelligent articulate person...far from worthless. You are also a friend to others, is it possible to catch up with your old mates around/between work hours, or catch up once a week?

When I have been low it has helped me to practice being thankful daily, it shifts my focus and brings some love back into my heart. I also meditate which helps me to be calm and clear. 

Hang in there mate, you will get plenty of help here.

[Snoman]

Hi Laura86,

Welcome to the BB forums.  Lots of lovely people here with loads of support to offer.

Sounds like you might need to head to your GP.  Are you currently taking AD's?  If not, then perhaps discuss this with your GP.  If you are, then perhaps you may need to change them.

While you are talking to your GP, ask for a "mental health plan".  This will allow you to get 10 sessions with a psych covered by medicare.  I chose a particular psychologist who charged above the base rate, so I had to fund the difference.  I was happy with that as it was worth it to me to see him.

With professional help, it can get better.  The sun can shine again.  You can feel like putting on some music and dancing around the kitchen just because.

Please post back on your progress.

Sno

[White_Rose]

Dear Laura

It's good that you have written in here and welcome to Beyond Blue. There will be people who will respond to your cry for help and anxiety. Rest assured we will support you.

Sometimes I think the roller coaster ride is harder to bear than the depression. The uncertainty of how you are going to feel tomorrow or the next day sets us up for so much anxiety which in turn feeds our panic and depression even more. What a wicked beast it is.

Laura I really recommend you to go to your GP and tell all. It is not good for you (or anyone) to be in such a dark place on your own.  I know you have your partner and that is great.  You also need some professional help. One of the most frequent pieces of information given on this site is about mental health plans.

You may well know how this works, but just in case it is news I will give a brief overview. Your GP writes a mental health plan for you which is approved by Medicare.  The GP will arrange this after seeing you. The GP will refer you to a psychologist for a set number of consultations which are free of charge.  I think it is ten consultations.

If your GP thinks you need a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist then you need to find out if there is a local psychiatrist who will bulk bill or charge a very small gap fee. Remember Medicare pays a set consultation fee, just like your GP's fee only higher for a psychiatrist. Ask your GP if he/she knows a decent psychiatrist who bulk bills if the GP wants you to go to a psychiatrist.

Relapses are common in depression, unfortunately, and seem to come out of left field when you least expect them. I do relate to you situation of working alone. Having other around, just to say hello to and to know someone is in the same room, makes the world of difference.

So you need strategies that will bring you into contact with others fairly frequently. For a start, where do you eat your lunch? Is there a lunch room at work where others go? Is there a park or similar where you can eat your lunch and watch folk passing by? It's nicer to talk to someone but being outside and getting some sunlight does amazing things for our bodies and brains.

Can you meet a friend for lunch periodically? Go to the gym or library in the lunch hour? Think of different ways to get out of the office and amongst people. It's a good start.

Do you have family nearby? Perhaps one family member can join you for dinner when your partner is away or go to the cinema etc. Almost out words. Write when you reply.

LING

[laura86]

Dearest Jacko777, Sno and LING,

Thank you so much for your replies. You have no idea how much it means to know there are  people out there to talk to. 

I do try to catch up with friends where possible but a lot of the time people have their own things on or are busy which is to be expected. My best friend seems to have disappeared for some reason and hardly talks to me- he might be going through his own things too that he doesn't want to talk about, but this makes it hard as well.

Jacko, you are right, I do need to start practicing being thankful because I do have things to be thankful for. Sometimes those things are lost under a cloud when you feel depressed which I know you all understand.

I am seeing my GP tonight so hopefully that is effective and helps me start moving forward. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm not currently taking ADs but this is something I would like to discuss tonight. I was on them years ago and think I do need to go back on them. Thank you all for your advice on getting a mental health plan together.

Thank you Sno for reminding me that the sun can shine again. This is another thought that gets lost during such low times, because it seems impossible. But I will keep you updated on how I go.

LING you are so right- the roller coaster is one of the most difficult things to deal with. And it is so easy to go from high to low and back again. I don't have lunch with anyone- being a small business we all take lunch at separate times or in different places and we don't have a lunch room. I normally just go to the local shopping centre just for something to do. Better than sitting in my car. Your ideas are really fantastic- I might go have lunch in the park now that the weather is warming up. I do have family nearby- as crazy as it might sound I am afraid to reach out to them. I know they would worry about me but you're right, it is something I should do. 

Thank you all again for caring and speaking to me- it has made a difference knowing I'm not completely alone.

Much love and stay safe,

Laura

xx

[Neil_1]

Dear Laura

I'd just like to chip in and say what wonderful advice you've been given by the kind folk who've posted to you so far.

Also it was lovely for you to respond back and give further updates with your situation.  It really helps to know a bit more so we're better able to advise if able to.  Above all, I hope you've kind of worked out by now that we'll be there to support 100% of the way.

That's great that you've got a GP appointment - and can I just also say "Good on you" for leaving that awful job that was causing you troubles.  That can be a difficult thing to do, but to leave and pick up a new job - well done Laura.  🙂

Kind regards

Neil

[laura86]

Hi Neil,

Thank you for your kind words and help.

Although my old job was horrible, sometimes I think, "at least I wasn't lonely." It was terrible and I wouldn't go back there but sometimes I just miss having people to talk to. Letting those thoughts out before they manifest into something irrational, you know? Although this job is much better there just isn't anyone around to banter with. I think this has played a big role in my relapse. 

Thank you again for your support Neil. I'll let you know how I go with the GP tonight.

Laura

xx

[hibby]

Hi laura my name is bruce

i once felt your pain it was such a struggle in my life but you just have to think to move on and dont worry about the past and i hope everyone you have talked to you will help you and have a speedy recovery 🙂

[laura86]

Hi Bruce,

Thank you so much! I will do my best and hopefully things will get better. It's nice to know there are people willing to help me through this : )

[Neil_1]

Hi Laura

Just me again - and thank you for being kind enough to respond back to us. It's great to chat.  And yes, I know this can't take the place of you know, a one-on-one chat to someone else, but hey it's something.  🙂

And to chat to us, it's chatting with 'like-minded' people and one thing I've learned from being on this site is that people who suffer from this awful illness are amongst the most personable and caring people that I've come across.

Amongst some of the other suggestions above, you say that some of your other friends have you know, their lives, etc.  But perhaps the offer of a dinner (either out or perhaps at your home - home is always more comfortable - but then for me it's the awkwardness of the leaving time.  At least with a restaurant, it's usually a done deal after dessert).

Anyway, just a thought.

Cheers

Neil