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Need help healing... How do i be happy?

Community Member

Not sure if this is the right place to post this... but here we go... (this is probably going to be a ramble)

Things have been rough.... Especially past year. Things have not worked out the way i wanted, and the person i trusted most in this world hurt me so badly.


I thankfully managed to finally escape to a somewhat safe place. And been trying to work through my trauma and my past. (As even before the events of past year i had much going)



I think i've finally managed to let go of most of the anger and sadness i've been holding on. But something i realise is that i am not happy. In fact i haven't felt this depressed and miserable in a long time. (Since probably highschool)


I just feel so tired honestly... 


I wanna engage in my interests and hobbies again... i wanna hang out with my friends...


Yet even doing all that doesn't help to erase the feeling of misery....


What do i do?


I just want to be happy again...

3 Replies 3

Community Member

It sounds like you have been strong for a long time and now you are fatigued from it all. 


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi ssSushiCat


Not sure if the following perspective is relatable but I've found both happiness and sadness to be side-effects or bi-products of other emotions. If happiness is a side-effect of a certain level or sense of peace, joy, excitement, exhilaration, wonder, revelation, satisfaction, achievement, relief etc, I'll specifically aim to feel one of these emotions and, in turn, experience happiness.


If I pick one of the emotions from the list, such as excitement, it has to be a certain level of excitement and a certain type of excitement for me to feel extreme happiness. Sometimes it can also involve the right combination of emotions to unlock a sense of happiness. Kind of like the perfect recipe for happiness. Basically, I never aim for happiness specifically. This was a conclusion I reached after having dealt with the ins and outs of depression since my late teens. I'm a 53yo gal now, btw. At some point in my journey through life, something said to me 'Stop trying to feel happy when there's so much more to get a feel for (in the way of emotions)'.


Then there's the 'What gets in the way' factor. Whatever gets in the way of feeling a sense of peace, excitement, satisfaction etc will also get in the way of happiness. What gets in the way of peace for me can be stress or anxiety. What gets in the way of excitement for me can be B12 deficiency, sleep apnea and an extremely draining experience because I need energy with which to feel excitement. Those things are major energy zappers. What gets in the way of satisfaction can be a sense of guilt or shame or boredom and/or a serious lack of dopamine. If there's not enough dopamine meeting with our receptors, basically it's impossible to feel what's not there or what's not happening. So, the challenge in these cases involving peace, excitement and satisfaction is to address the interference. Technically, this should make way for happiness to be felt. Of course, all easier said than done.


Then there's the 'what used to work but no longer works' factor. If what used to work (in the way of happiness) involved going out and drinking with friends but now it's no longer enough, this is something that can be felt. For example, if suddenly we wake up to this incredible sense of wonder in us and we find our friends just don't wonder all that much, it can feel lonely being the only wonderful person in the group. There can be a sense of limbo in this case, finding our self in between the friendship group that used to work for us and the one that's going to work in ways that lead us to evolve in the right direction. Limbo can feel like such an unhappy depressing place at times.


Happiness can seem like such a simple thing yet I've found this could not be further from the truth.🙂❤️

Community Member

Take it easy, and don't stress yourself too much. Engage slowly in the things you want to do. Little by little, you will erase the bad memories and have a brand new, wonderful experience. I've been dealing with trauma as well, and I know it's not easy to deal with. I managed to do it really slowly at first, and I'm getting better now. I hope you can find the happiness that you're looking for!