monster come down off drugs has forced me to realise the true magnitude of my depression

[depressed2]

I feel that I have a "can't live with em, can't live without em" mindset concerning alcohol and drugs that has severely impacted my mental health. I'm not a hard drug user or anything like that, but upon coming down today from a night of mdma use, in which I made a complete fool of myself at a club and lost my phone/wallet I've realised just how bad my depression is. I've had it for a very long time, but somehow I just never thought of myself as being "depressed". I know that I won't feel this way forever and that eventually my seratonin levels will be back to normal, but it begs the question to me: what next? I fear that I lack the confidence necessary to make the colossal changes needed to get my life back on track, and I'm disturbed by how totally I've managed to block out any self reflection on the creeping depression and anxiety that's followed me throughout all of my life. I've registered an account on this site on a whim, and I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who can relate to this? Anyone care to share their experiences or thoughts?

[Zeal]

Hi depressed2,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm so glad you've come here for support. Alcohol and drug use complicates symptoms of mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, as you well know. As alcohol is classed as a depressant, drinking alcohol is risky for people with depression or prone to depressive thoughts. It's positive that you now realise just how much the substance use masked the depression, and associated emotions.

Working through depression involves a number of smaller steps, rather than a colossal "leap". Expecting yourself to make colossal changes would feel overwhelming, and make it even harder to begin your journey of help-seeking. Getting a referral to a mental health professional from your doctor (GP) is important.

My own mental health journey is quite different from yours, so I'd like to direct you to other threads, where people's stories may strike a chord with you. Here are some threads you may find interesting:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-triggers#ql7MOnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/long-term-treatment-resistant-depression-anxiety--what-next-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/ideas-on-where-to-get-help-

I hope you can benefit from using this forum 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[geoff]

hello Depressed2, Zeal has provided you with some great links to follow up on, but for some reason when we become depressed by either denying it or actually realising that there is something wrong, we believe that if we take drugs or consume alcohol then you will be able to cope, don't worry I also used alcohol as my way of self medicating.
It's a massive effort you are trying to do, but if you are determined to stop these two addictions then your doctor can prescribe medication which will take away any desire for you to 'want 'to use and consume them, but the medication will not work if you haven't made up your mind and still feel as though you want to continue using them.
You could go to rehab but the waiting list is long, but what concerns me is that when you are in rehab you will be free from these addictions, which is great, but I then worry that as soon as you are 'released' the temptation is to contact your mates and then it will all start over once again.
This means that you shouldn't contact them unless you feel strong enough to say 'NO'.
Look up 'Battling the Booze' it's a long thread either on page 1, 2 or even 5 if no one has added to it, where many people including myself talk about their addiction.
If you do stop and I wish you all the very best, your life is going to change, it has to, otherwise these addictions will only draw you back into where you once were, but please get back to us. Geoff.

[JayV]

Hi Depressed2

Been there, done that, over and over again. Was up to a bottle and a half of wine a night now moved up to stronger stuff. Don't drink for a while as l know it messes with my meds but then think' why not?' There is a small town near where l live that l won't go to due to severe embarrasment related to my being sooo drunk. I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression after a serious assault but on reflection realise that l have been struggling with mental health issues most of my adult life. As to your question 'what next' l can only suggest you speak to someone. Your Dr? If diagnosed with depression you can get help via a Mental Health Care Plan which allows you free or reduced counselling. I truly hope you can get on top of this. Depression messes with everything good in your life. (Ask my ex husband 😕) Good luck and take care x J