Lonely without friends. Cannot trust others.

[Pink grapefruit]

This is my second time to post a thread.

I don’t show it in front of others but I have been feeling very lonely especially since I moved to Australia about 10 years ago. I tried to make ones by joining some local events etc but I was not able to get close with them.

One reason I think is I cannot trust others. I feel that they are all trying to deceive me or put me down, which some people really did in the past.

Life without friends is really sad and depressing but Its hard for me to trust others and open my hearts. How can I change this situation?

[NonStampCollectorFan]

I second that emotion. - Differentiating a friend from a friendly-person is a mystery to me. I guess having 3 good interests/passions to talk about will help with the filtering off that. Topped with the skills of listening, Topic delivery, subtle flattery and controlled compassion. There's also the issue of "foot-in-mouth" insensitivity where the trajectory of the discussion goes into boring, awkward or offensive. Some thoughts on why shyness can become socially crippling may have a origin in computer games where all the computer opponents want to hurt you and the human players want to humiliate you. Television does not help either showing either fairy-tale friendships, frightening rivalry and obsession with your purchase.

[Nikki62]

I know how you feel Igo to sleep to try to relieve my depression but just wake up feeling worse I have 5beautiful children and I feel there’s a wall up between them &me I cannot relax& laugh or have a spontaneous conversation with them I find myself pacing &smiking because I don’t know what to do with myself

[Pink grapefruit]

Hi

I started having some moments again that people here are trying to deceive or destroy me. What happened in the past with someone that I thought I could trust are affecting me a lot. I am very scared. Making true friends might not happen forever..

How this is just one of the bad days..

[Croix]

Dear Pink grapefruit~

It can be perfectly natural to have distrust of others, over friendship or other thngs. I guess normally htey may be a reason for it.

In my case I was a policeman, not an occupation that breeds trust, and when I was invalided out many so-called friends I had in the Force vanished.

I read that you and your husband have had a very difficult time wiht your building project, may I ask if this is the reason for at least part of your distrust or are there other things?

I've found that there are good, solid and trustworthy people, my partner very much being one. Do you mind if I ask if you consider your husband one too?

Croix

[Pink grapefruit]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your massage.

Yes, the project is one of the reasons. All these experiences have made me very difficult to open my mind and make friends.

My husband is an amazing person but I don’t want to give him barrens and act like I am ok..

I have received great advice from you and others here in the past but my emotions are still up and down..

[Croix]

Dear Pink grapefruit~

You have one person you trust - or at least have never said otherwise -you husband. You are both going though a hard time with the building project and I guess there is a very strong desire to not make things worse for one's partner. It's natural.

In my own case when my partner is having to face difficulties I want to help, and feel sometimes a little regretful if I'm not taken into their confidence - I don't need to be wrapped in cotton wool.

Because we have known each other for so long it's east to tell when they are troubled. So I have to worm it out of them, then we can face it together (even if I only make silly jokes it seems to help)

Wearing a mask all the itme is not only exhausting, being constantly on guard, but difficult, leading to half truths (for the best of intentions). When I've done it long term it made me feel less happy with myself, as if I had to hide part of me - what does that say about that part?

Do you think you might be able to lean on you husband more?

Croix

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