Lone Wolf

[sami]

I had depression for many years after losing my parents, I had several disasterous relationships including a marriage that was devastating. I fled my marriage with nothing, changed my job, got a dog and started to rebuild my life. As silly as it sounds having my dog really helped lift my depression (I really worry sometimes about how I will cope if I lose her one day as I adopted her as an older dog) and while I am aware it can always come creeping back in it is nowhere near as intense as it used to be and I feel content most days now. What I am unable to do however is to form another relationship, I have no friends, family or partner. I tried to date but really just don't feel up for it, everytime anyone expresses any interest in me I just bail out afraid of coping with what could just become another emotional rollercoaster. I was always in relationships from 17 to 40 and I don't mind being on my own now, I have been alone for four years now and I have my pets and feel safe and settled, I'm afraid if I let someone in it will disrupt all the harmony and peace I have created, I feel like I am still in the process of rebuilding my life and finding out who I really am and what I really want. I don't have family and only one or two acquaintences, no real friends. I'd like to make a few friends but don't trust people much and seem to get used and treated badly by people I try to befriend. The last two people I have tried to befriend have borrowed money or items from me and not returned or repayed them, I just feel used so now I don't even bother trying. I love my pets and I run, swim, cycle and go bushwalking and sightseeing but everything I do I do alone. At work I get along with most of the people I work with but my field is male dominated and the only other female I work with is a really unpleasant person so I don't get along with her so have no female friends, just a few male acquaintences. Sometimes I feel a bit sad that I am so alone and have noone to 'shoot the breeze' with so to speak or talk over issues or see a movie or go out to dinner with but then I remember all the pain and turmoil and think I am better off safe and at peace. I wonder if how I am is okay, everyone else seems to have to have lots of people about and I don't. I'm not sure anymore if the way I live is healthy for my state of mind or not as it seems just normal to me now to be alone with noone and cope with absolutely everything on my own?

[blondguy]

Hi Sami and a Warm Welcome to the BB Forums

I am sorry about you losing both parents. I couldnt appreciate/understand what that would feel like. I have had severe anxiety/depression for 25 years and it can be a dark and awful place to be in. Just getting to the chase...I noticed that you are a dog lover. I do empathise with you about the thought of losing your wonderful dog. The guy in my profile pic passed a few years ago and I was a mess. The fact that you have a great understanding of the benefits of the unconditional love a dog can provide is a great healer in itself. Well done to you Sami

I too have had a rocky road of relationships that resembled the Titanic...It is mentally challenging and requires (as you are aware) a lot of guts to get back up again.

Just a note about being in 'a safe place' if I may. In 2005 I asked my female GP if there was anything wrong me that I dont have any friends and that I never really socialised. MY GP replied "are you happy on your own"? I responded with yes! I still am on my own and have a small support network but just for me...right now I would find a relationship difficult to be in.

My GP finished her advice with "Paul..if you are contented living on your own with your dogs...then go for it"

If I may ask you Sami....Do you have anyone that you can call on the phone even and have a 'vent'? I have 2 people which is good but it took my GP to let me know that I am not abnormal or weird or strange that I am comfortable in my own company. Yes..I am still lonely....but I prefer to be somewhat lonely than have an active social life.

I am sad that the last few people have lowered themselves to use you as a bank from which they can 'borrow' from. That is awful and shame on them Sami.

I do hope you can find some peace. There are many wonderful people on the forums...We even have a thread about Pets and how they can help. I currently have a rescued Chow Chow German Shep Cross...he is a big sook but he is a huge help and cares not only for me but for my soul

I do hope you can get back to us.....if you wish of course Sami

Kind Thoughts for You

Paul