Living a fake life

[SallyJones]

I have been a sufferer of depression for a long time as a result from traumatic experiences as a child being bullied. Now at 28 I live a life that most wish they had. Married, daughter, built our home, well paying jobs ... That's at least what people think

I manage to struggle day to day anxiety attacks and feel depressed most of my day. I feel selfish that I hadn't put myself first and tackled this condition but I've lived my life this way forever, I'm use to it and think 'I'll try tomorrow'. Given myself no credit, constantly setting myself high expectations and always putting others before me. My family turn a blind eye, my husband try's to be supportive but he is a go getter and can't truly understand depression, I know he finds it unattractive. My friends/work have no idea how I feel but I have become very unsociable and I get the impression I'm not that fun person to be around anymore. I've been able to keep it for a secret for this long and I'm burning.. I've tried medication and I hated it, I have seen a psychologist and I'm so unstable I can't maintain my visits. Lately, I just want to sleep.. My job is stressful and I emotionally eat and in result I have gained a lot of weight which is a huge contributor to the way I feel/and see myself. How do I overcome not feeling guilty for having 'me' time, how do I even have 'me' without feeling so bored and sad and guilty from being away from my husband and daughter.

It makes me sick that my daughter has an unhealthy mother, I want to be her role model!! And I feel terrible that I'm holding my husband back from life with having such a miserable person to be around.

I need to start changes now before I continue this fake life and have no one left around me.. 

[Chi_Chi]

I struggle daily to leave my house. But I also recently find one place in the house the place I hate leaving the most? No one knows the severity. I struggle to enjoy doing anything and because I'm isolated and sometimes when I've trapped myself I make myself do a chore to stop myself feeling so alone and stuck and tell myself just enjoy it cos you aren't going anywhere else . I never or hardly keep appointments and feel overwhelmed when I have to much to do and if I do go to many places or appointments one day I need to get home and not leave my house for a day and sometimes lately two days except to get food but lately I have even ate whatever I had in cupboard and stay in for a whole day or two.

My kids have recently left home , my daughter a year ago and I noticed I felt and wasn't my normal self. I struggled with getting my son to school and I shut myself in the most this year. My daughter came with me everywhere. Now my sons living with his dad for work and I felt a couple of low days and feel I am a mess.

i read something about empty nest syndrome and felt I had that . Then I read that it can be quite serious and feel maybe that's how depression has set in this year and worse now.

A community needs to educate themselves about depression and signs to watch for if they don't already know and ask how a friend is going time to time. Or watch for signs. Then maybe it won't be such a stigma. And everyone can be active support for there friends and the friend feels loved and without the difficulty of asking for help.

Facebook posts reminding friends and family to reach out to a friend today, or read signs that a friend might be struggling. And educate yourself so you understand