life is strange

[Guest_3671]

Hi

I'm female 29. Been in a relationship with current partner for 5 years.
In 2015 he was unfairly arrested on a plane that I was on too over a misunderstanding with staff and police.
For most of 2016-2017 we had a long distance relationship.
In 2017 I visited him while he was overseas. We traveled around SE Asia. He had a friend who was staying at his apartment while we were away who killed himself.

Until late 2017 my partner returned home with me after he had a mental breakdown. I traveled overseas to take him home. He was arrested at the airport for pending court case from 2015 and bailed to my parents house because we had no where to stay.

By mid 2018 he was imprisoned for 4 months.
I would visit him from interstate every 2 weeks over the weekend.
I've been helping him deal with the problems in his life and it has been exhausting.
He has hurt in his life and has hurt me emotionally.
I understand hurt people hurt people.
I am a very patient and understanding person to have gone through a lot with my partner.

Things have calmed down and we are getting our lives back together. We are renting a new place after staying at our parents. We are looking for jobs as we have been on social security for a while. We eat healthy and have better ways of communicating with each other. We both want to move forward.

However sometimes I have anxiety and depression. I'm afraid of bad things happening.
Although by nature I am a shy or reserved person I feel a particular discomfort around other people and don't know how to interact with people anymore.
The experiences I've had and the support I give to my partner make me feel a bit isolated.
I don't really have anyone to talk to because I feel no one I know really understands my feelings or the experiences I've had supporting someone I care about who has gone to prison and has some mental health issues too due to trauma maybe. We also recently found out he has Hepatitis C which he will begin treatment for this week.. I've been tested and I'm clear. But it was so stressful. When he got out of prison I thought the stress would be over but the experience still hurts and still lingers.
I used to be interested in producing music but I've lost interest in creativity. I don't listen to music anymore.

I just had to express myself here.

My partner will organise seeing a counselor and I am considering seeing one too .
life is strange.
thanks for reading
 

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Baning,

I felt your care and devotion to your partner through your words. You have stood by him through it all. That’s incredible. You clearly have so much love to give...I think that’s beautiful

That being said, I also felt your vast loneliness, sadness and exhaustion. I can only imagine how draining it must have been to shoulder so much for him...I think he’s very, very fortunate to have someone like you...

I feel sometimes when you give so much of yourself to someone else, it can take its toll (even if you love them very deeply), and especially if there isn’t a very strong support network around you. I think sometimes we accidentally overlook people (like you) who are caring for struggling loved ones; I feel you most definitely need support and care too yourselves...

So I think maybe reaching out here and pouring out your emotions is a good start. I also love your idea to maybe see a counsellor yourself too 🙂

It would be lovely to get to know you a bit. If you ever feel like writing to vent, ask questions, gain another perspective, need comfort, etc...please feel free to write in any time. That being said, there’s of course no pressure to share any more than what you feel comfortable sharing.

It’s good to have you here. A caring welcome to you 🙂

Kindness only,

Pepper