Libido? What libido?!

[tryinghope]

I have been with my husband for 16 years. I was diagnosed with depression during my pregnancy with my second child 4 years ago and despite trying countless treatments have only slowly gotten worse. My main concern at the moment, as per the title, is my complete and utter lack of libido or ability to achieve any sort of arousal. There is nothing there. Zip. Zero. Nada. I feel numb. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do to improve the situation? I am at a complete loss. This is tearing my marriage apart and I don't know what to do. Please help. 

[Jo3]

Hi tryinghope

I was typing a reply to you but somehow lost it.

I have been married for 27 yrs and for the past 4 yrs I have been suffering depression, anxiety and BPD.  Since taking anti depressants I have the same issue as you.  I am in my late forties so menopause could also contribute to this as well.

I would recommend counselling for both you and your husband either a relationship counsellor or asex therapist. They have the expertise to help you.

Good luck,

Jo

ps. 

nothing has really changed for me yet!!! But good luck

[HA1]

Hi there Tryinghope

Yes, I am in that space and have been for a while. It is, as you say, difficult for our partners.

Have you had a chat to your partner?  What is the reaction or attitude?

Also, there was a recent thread titled "lack of sex drive" in the category Men, that few of us contributed to.  Take a look at it - maybe it will help .

talk again

K

[tryinghope]

Thank you for your replies. Jo, I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist, my husband and I are jointly seeing a couples psychologist, and I have seen a sex therapist. As yet, no change unfortunately. I'm just so numb to the whole idea of sex that I feel like there's not even anything there for all these therapists to help me build on. It's so frustrating. But thank you for your suggestions.

 Hideaway, I have spoken to my husband about it (at length) and he mostly just responds with frustration and anger and says he's being rejected. He thinks this is my choice, that I am choosing not to have sex with him. I can't seem to get him to understand that it's just not like that. I have no choice in this, I don't want to be like this. I feel like he is going to leave me over this, that we just can't recover. As I said before, I don't know what to do.

S

[HA1]

Hi tryinghope

I too am worried about how long my partner is going to put up with me and this problem with no libido.  She thought it was all about her; that I was rejecting her. One day she came along for my psychiatrist appointment, and asked the psych straight out.  I sense there was a degree of relief when the psychiatrist told her that for a lot of people with severe depression, the first part of you that is affected is your libido, and the last part that is cured is your libido. 

It did not make matters any better, but at least my partner gained some comfort in knowing that what I had said may be the truth, that it was not her.

 I think it is fair to say that we are still 'intimate' by sharing a lot of kisses and cuddles and time together - perhaps more so than before.  It only the physical aspect of love that has taken a temporary holiday.  I guess we may be substituting the physical demonstrations of love with other forms of showing love and affection.  I think it is working for us know, and I can only hope it will work for a while longer.

The physical aspects will return, but it will take time.  Time and a lot of patience.

Makes me a bit sad just writing about it, but I do believe our love is strong enough to survive.

K

[geoff]

dear Tryinghope, sex and/or lack of it has always been a problem, because the last year my wife (ex) lived with me but in another room, it never happened, because a- I wasn't interested and b- it was never offered anyway.

I have known youngish men who have had a prostate operation and really want to have it as do their wives, but are incapable of doing so, so this then causes a problem because they try so hard but nothing will work, so their lack of libido frustrating for them, this doesn't include me, but I have been divorced 10 years and only had it once has it happened.

Your problem is very disappointing for you and I'm certainly no medic but I'm sure the drugs the doctors have suggested don't work as well.

My worry is that your 'husband feels rejected' which could be a concern, but please let us know how you get on. L Geoff. x