Just didn't want to believe it - dealing with diagnosis.

[Serendipity76]

Hi Everyone, this is my first post here, so please bare with me. About a year ago I presented at the Dr's with a list of symptoms, muscle pain, extreme exhaustion, insomnia, just general feelings of not feeling well. I requested full blood work to be completed, this returned to be low iron but all else looked good. The Dr and I had a long chat and she did approach gently with me the topic of depression and suggested anti depressants. I was well taken aback and slightly offended, thinking, I am sick here, do your job Dr. I left my Dr who is an excellent Dr, just shaking my head in denial. Nearly a year later just prior to Christmas this year I presented at a different surgery with very similar symptoms just slightly worse to be honest. I wake up tired, my whole body feels in pain, I cannot deal physically with the energy my 4 year old daughter gives, I can manage to run the house with my husbands 4 weeks on 4 weeks off FIFO roster. So the different Dr ran a full series of blood work, still low in iron and we too had a discussion. He then also talked about depression with me and wrote me a prescription for antidepressants. This time I have listened. Two different Dr's, two different surgeries, same result. I don't really want to believe it, I don't feel sad, I just don't understand. I want help, I want to feel better, I want my life back. I need to be a better Mum a better wife. Thanks for listening.

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Serendipity,

Welcome, and it's nice to meet you.

I guess it can be odd when you finally get that diagnosis but don't want to believe it. Most people don't understand the full power of depression and think it's just about being sad all the time.

First thing is you have done the best thing in the world that any of us can do. You sought help! Like any other diagnosis, it can take a while to sink in and become 'real'.

Second thing is, it doesn't mean you are a bad mum or wife. I feel that any mum (or dad) who manages keep on truckin' while suffering from depression is amazingly super special. It takes twice the effort the get out of bed, smile and push through each day so we need to take it easy on ourselves and not bash ourselves up.

Have you discussed with your Dr about what happens next? As in counselling etc.

Please don't feel hopeless as there are many options and you still make the final decision. The important thing is you now know and have the opportunity to move forward. Talking to someone (counsellor etc) might help confirm what you have been told by the Dr as you could discuss any disbeliefs or doubts that you have.

SM

[Serendipity76]

Thank you SM for your lovely reply, it means a lot to me. I guess I really should not say 'should have', but I really should have listened the first time, then I would not be in this position now. But yes you are right, I have taken the first step, and will now get help. Have not really thought about counselling, I look at my life and wonder what has led me here? I feel like I have nothing to talk to a counsellor about? my life is pretty ideal. I honestly do not know where this is coming from, I guess I need to get a better understanding on things here. Right now I am a little confused? not denial now, I accept...but don't really understand.

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Serendipity,

Thanks for replying to me.

The why! Really, who knows?

Talking to a counsellor might help you work out the why. Sometimes things sit in our heads for many years before they decide to jump up and cause issues.

There's plenty to read on these forums and a thread just for depression. You might find something that catches your interest.

Understanding might take a while. Some of us have clear distinct points which began our travels through depression/anxiety and others have no specific point to refer to. Some of us have nothing more than always being like this or waking up like this one morning. So you are not alone.

I am sure others will be in with better advice soon enough. I'm not really good on the advice side, I'm just a chatter mainly.

So good to see you came back in and I hope you keep your eye out for posts, as I know others will be here soon.

SM