Just came by for some support during a relapse

[tpman]

Hello all -

For the past 3 or 4 days I've really detoriated and it's leaving me feel very scared and panicky. I had a major mental breakdown about 5-6 yearsago which was terrifying. I was hospitalized multiple times and it was just an incredibly awful time.

I managed to stablise over the years and have been on a journey of recovery, however these last few days have really just come out of no where. I can't think of any major triggers, but there has been a few things which have happened which may have culimated into this relapse which I won't go into.

Anyway, i'm just super scared and anxious. It's like I've just gone back in time 5 years too my mental breakdown period.

I've got a psych appointment early March which seems like an eternity away, im hoping I can get in earlier.

Anyway, just came here to vent and hopefully get some words of support.

Really struggling, the anxiety and panic is awful = (

Thanks for listening.

[Sophie_M]

Dear tpman,

Thank you for posting about your sudden distress. We can hear how much it is effecting you.

We are pleased that you have a psychology appointment in March, but it sounds like waiting until then might be quite difficult for you.

We would like to encourage you to call the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636, or lifeline on 13 11 14, to chat with a mental health professional over the phone.

If your distress becomes to difficult, please call 000 as this would be an emergency.

You may also go to your local hospital and talk to the emergency staff.

Warm regards,

Sophie_M
 

[therising]

Hi tpman

I feel for you so much as you face such a fearful upsetting time. It's such a disappointing feeling, when you think 'I'm onto this, this thing called life and I'm therefor never going to let that kind of event happen again' and then it does. Such a horrible feeling.

In managing my mental health over the years, one of the things I've come to realise is every breakdown has a lead up. The lead up leads to the verge, where on the verge you can feel the tipping point. It can feel so overwhelming, so dreadful. Then you can feel the tip into exactly where you don't want to be, what you can't cope with alone. The breakdown then becomes about breaking everything down, with some help. It's about dissecting the lead up in the finest of details which can lead to the conclusion 'No wonder I was losing the ability to manage. How could anyone possibly manage all that under the circumstances (including trying to manage while in a state of pure mental and physical exhaustion)'. Can even lead you to see that each of the 3 or more challenges you thought you had are actually comprised of 15 mircro challenges. So, in reality, you've been managing 45 challenges. The breakthroughs or revelations that come with a breakdown lead to some form of evolution, where you come to know yourself better than before. You come to see how tolerant you've been/are, how much you're able to endure, what a number of your triggers are and where your tipping point can be. Wouldn't be so bad if that whole process happened in a matter of days but, in its entirety, it can all play out over a number of torturous weeks or months. The lead up to a tipping point can even play out over decades. For example, a boy can be raised to suppress emotions and carries that into adulthood, that mental program. Say, at the age of 40, where he can no longer tolerate keeping everything in, he reaches tipping point and a desperate need to vent certain emotionally impacting events he's been holding onto for so many years. He's been storing and tolerating it all. Tipping point definitely has a pressure cooker feel to it.

I've found the 3rd stage of GAS (General Adaptation Syndrome) is a handy thing to be aware of. It can help explain why even the smallest of challenges can feel so impossible to cope with. Worth a look. May lead you to be much kinder to yourself. Hope all goes well with the appointment in March.

[tpman]

Thank you -

My dad (who is very supportive and has been with me through my worse) is going to our chemist tonight to try get some tablets ive taken in the past when I needed to calm down. Unfortunatly we dont have an up to date script but they do have me on record as having it in the past, so we are hoping they cant at least give me a couple tablets until I get my script tomorrow, so I can calm down tonight. 

Failing that, we may try the hospital, but would rather not as that experience in itself is quite distressing.

I may jump on chat support as well if I continue to struggle tonight.

Thank you for your reply. 

[tpman]

Hey thank you so much for replying. 

Any words of support are always so welcome when I am feeling so afraid. 

I take solace in knowing that I have been like this before (even worse) and come out the other end. So I am trying my best to remember the good moments and just see this as a bad patch.

I am seeing my GP tomorrow for a script of a sedative which has helped in the past, and we are trying to get at least one or two tonight so I can take to calm down, but unfortunatly I don't have an up to date script, so might be hard getting it from our chemist, but he does have me on record as having it in the past. My dad has gone up the road now to try and get it.

Thank you again for your message. I look forward and hope that I can come out of this episode and get back to some form of stablity. I will update this thread if I do, as I know its often helpful for people to see recovery stories. Most people stay off forums when they are feeling better, which makes sense.

Anyway, thank you so much again, and fingers X I get through this .

[therising]

Hi tpman

I'm so glad you've got a number of supports in place, especially your dad who sounds like a great support.

I've found no matter how many times I've told myself something along the lines of 'I can cope with this', I eventually reached the conclusion there are some things in life I can't cope with alone. If it wasn't for the support of a number of people around me, October last year would have escalated toward an overwhelming breakdown. It was definitely heading that way, as I was coping with far more than I could manage long term. While the ins and outs of depression have been something I've come to manage well over the years, as a 52yo gal anxiety was was a first for me last year.

It's so important to keep in mind how far you've come beyond overwhelming challenges of the past. While it can feel like we're going backwards, in truth we are a far greater person facing overwhelm again, in some new form with perhaps some old familiar challenges thrown into the mix. Definitely something that tests us to grow even more than we already have. I hope the tablets have offered you great relief as you go on to develop yourself even further while making greater sense of all that's come to test you.

[tpman]

heya thanks for the reply -

unfortunatly was not able to get the medication without the script, but we are going to my GP today to get a new script so hopefully tonight the medication can help me through this difficult period.

I am going to be so grateful if/when I recover from this episode. These relapses really are a stark reminder to appreciate the good periods and to look after yourself even when you are well.

Thanks again for your words of support, and I look forward to updating you when things turn around. Fingers crossed !  

[jaz28]

Hi tpman,

I am so sorry you feel like you have relapsed 😞 that must be discouraging and difficult for you. Do you remember any strategies from your previous struggles that helped you feel better? Can you implement some of these until your psych appointment comes around? The other option is to go to your GP and see what they think. Was there any triggers that brought this on?

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx