It's too early in the year to be feeling this way already

[alexredm]

I never thought that my diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder was a life-sentence, I was diagnosed 3 years ago, studying a difficult course, and every year, I feel myself get better, only to slip into it during the final stretches of exam time or in the longer nights of winter. However, April is too early for my symptoms to already start manifesting itself. This feels out of control and unexplainable, and it scares me that I am debilitated with a disorder that I neither understand or have the energy to confront. So help me what do I do? I feel so out of reach, but I don't want to spend my year with this over me.

[geoff]

Hello Alex, I feel so sorry that you are struggling with this insidious illness and I do understand how you are feeling, but unfortunately, no one can predict when depression starts to cripple us, although from previous experiences we expect it to return at certain times of the year.

Is having a reoccurrence of depression a relapse, I can't answer that but I think that's it's highly possible and this seems to be happening with you, only to get better once your exams are over.

I think that if your mood changes as the season does, you wouldn't be any different to many of us, but there's a difference to being sad than to being depressed and maybe having some cognitive therapy could be the solution to help you with these relapses.

Relapses can also happen when you don't expect them to, and these are also debilitating and I've had several which have certainly pulled me back, I don't like this when and/or if it does happen.

I don't think I've been much help here, and hope others can contribute.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Alexredm

Hello and welcome to the forum. You have come to a good place to talk about those things that worry you.

I was interested in your comment about the winter time with longer nights. There is a type of depression that is triggered by less daylight. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). As I understand it the depression is triggered by the reduced amount of sunlight you are getting, and all of us. This may be a subset of your general depression. I'm sure you know we are not medical experts so I think it would be useful for you to chat to your doctor. Do you see a mental health person? That would also be helpful I believe.

To go back to the early onset of possibly SAD with you, the weather has been hot and sticky with a longer than usual summer, or so it seems. Now we are getting cloudy days and rain plus the daylight time is getting shorter. It's been quite a dramatic change where I live so I wonder if the change in weather is similar where you live and perhaps has triggered this part of your depression. I feel it would be useful to check this out.

One of the problems with depression is that additional stress or pressure, such as exam times, can increase your depression or bring it to the forefront of your mind. That pesky black dog can be a nuisance. Learning how and when your depression gets better or worse is a great skill. Even better when you can identify an increasing overall wellness.

You were talking about having a life sentence. I don't believe we will spend the whole of our lives fighting depression if we get help. It's my belief that we do get better. The psychiatrist I see told me a couple of months ago I was no longer depressed. I had not thought of it for a while and was surprised when she made that comment, followed immediately by a recognition that I was no longer depressed. It was an amazing feeling. Will I stay that way? I hope so but I know I have tools to manage if I ever fall down that hole again. In that sense I think depression does stay with us.

Please see your GP/mental health person soon. If you have no MH person then a good chat to your GP. Do you take antidepressants? May be a good time to investigate this option.

Mary

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi alexredm,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post. I think Mary/White Rose and Geoff have offered you some great support already so I'll try not to echo that too much.

As someone with MDD, I don't see it as a sentence, even though it pops up at random times. It's a word. A diagnosis in a book to describe a certain set of symptoms. Sometimes, people struggle with this ongoing while others have it like a chip on their shoulder. While it certainly can be debilitating, there are lots of ways to manage it.

It does certain me a little that the trigger for your depression is the winter months, as this alone can be a different diagnosis - and like Mary I think that's worth investigating with your GP.

I'm wondering too if you've ever heard of a recovery plan? It can be very helpful. Usually people list what depression (or their other mental illness) looks like, feels like and strategies they use to cope. So if you know that exam time is going to be really difficult, that could be the time you start putting strategies in place - like seeing a therapist, catching up regularly with friends, upping your self-care, journalling or whatever floats your boat. It's one way (out of many) to work as a protective factor so those episodes of depression don't get so intense.

Hope this helps,