It’s hit me from nowhere

[123cats]

Hi All

First time posting. Having a bad time at the moment. I have had major depression 25 years ago and have been on medication all these years ... during those years I’ve had some small blips here and there and a couple of bad times with anxiety that were eventually rectified with a med increase. Anyhow a couple of weeks ago I had two days out of the blue of quite profound depression and then it lifted but the last 3 days it’s back ... it’s come on quickly and not mildly but pretty bad with intrusive thoughts, waves of anxiety and this terrible feeling of wanting to cry but can’t ifykwim ... it’s awful and distressing. I’ve dropped everything (I work for myself) and pretty much just pushed through getting the basics covered. I’m so scared as havnt felt like this bad for years. I have no idea why this is happening ... maybe the medication is pooping out . All I can think to do is just try and get through the weekend and call my Psych on Monday and try and get an appointment (usually takes weeks to get in) I just really needed to share what’s going on with me to someone somewhere and this is where I landed.

[Sophie_M]

Dear 123cats
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums 123cats, we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post this evening and truly hope that you find the support you are looking for this weekend.
 
We can hear you have managed this condition for a very long time now which demonstrates resilience however whilst you have had moments of stability, this rapid decline in your mental health is understandably causing you some alarm, particularly with the bad intrusive thoughts and overwhelming sadness.  

It's important to let you know 123cats, that immediate support is not always available via the forums, in that some days are slower than others, and the number of replies received vary from day to day.  If you are in need of immediate support, please click here; you may also wish to contact our fellow friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14.
 
It’s great that you are taking steps to reach out to your psych on Monday; we encourage you to also speak with your GP, who can review your current medication and rule out any other underlying health conditions.  In the meantime we would love for you to give one of our fully trained counsellors a call for some counselling support, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat. Once again, we are so pleased that you reached out this evening rather than to sit all weekend feeling this way.  It shouldn’t be too long before you receive a response on your thread, remember we are on the other end of the line too, please take care of you and thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.  
Regards 
 
Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello 123cats, when you believe you are travelling along in a better way than before, but suddenly something happens and you feel as though you've hit a brick wall, is such an awful feeling, nd have been in this same position myself.

To get through the week end may sound to be easy, but you are unsure of what particular situation you may confront that may trigger other anxieties and with this you may encounter other 'intrusive thoughts', just as I did, so if I can suggest over the week end, can you search for this on the net as well as typing it next to the question mark on top of this page and read the many comments made by other people.

Geoff.

Life Member. 

[Petal22]

Hi 123cats,

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s hard.

Have you learned any strategies for what you are currently experiencing?

Try to keep busy.

Have you ever tried meditation?

You could try to put your attention on your breath when your mind wonders bring it back to your breath and repeat…

Try not to put your attention on your intrusive thought instead redirect your attention onto something more positive in the present moment.

What we give attention to we give power to..

Slow down your breathing 

Have you thought about seeing a gp over the weekend if you feel this will help?

We are here please reach out to us anytime.

[ecomama]

Hey 123cats, cute username! Do you have cats? I have a Warlord of a rescue cat, he's AWESOME. 

It can be a difficult thing dealing with anxiety AND depression at the same time. Or even each on their own, for sure. 
Anxiety requires us to ground ourselves whilst depression requires us to life ourselves up. 

What stood out to me from your initial post is that you are in touch with how you're feeling. Acknowledging our feelings is so important, you've got this down pat so that's a good thing. 

Research shows that Self-care helps in our healing for both and other MHIs too. I echo Geoff by suggesting you spend some time having a look at other threads on the forums. Especially those in the Wellbeing section. 

Searching some Ted Talks could be helpful too. Kristen Neff on SELF COMPASSION is a great one. Brene Brown's ones are awesome too. 

What soothes you? 
Taking good care of yourself right now is the best thing for you. 

I'm glad you only did the essential things for your work. You may need a bit of TIME OUT from these pressures to get some healing in. 

Hope you pop back in and let us know how you're doing today, 
EM

[123cats]

Thanks for taking the time to respond I appreciate it. Unfortunately the GP not open on weekend here and it would take a few weeks to get an appointment anyway. During today I felt a tad better than yesterday but tonight not so great. I don’t feel myself at all. I’ve put a hold on my work for the moment and am taking time out. I have done some meditations to get through some hard patches  and reading others stories etc ... Have no appetite which is very unlike me ... but have made myself eat some small portions. I’m still scared crazy what’s happening and why. My meds were only increased about 6 or so months ago. The intrusive thoughts although horrible I know what they are and can kind of ignore them, this feeling though is horrible. I am trying to do deep breathing through the anxiety and just put some light hearted shows on the tv to distract me. 

[geoff]

Hello 123cats, with anxiety it's not necessarily a full on condition that happens all the time, same with intrusive thoughts, they only happen spasmodically or when you have to face a difficult task, a little different to depression which is basically with you non-stop.

If you can accept that intrusive thoughts don't have to happen, then your battle is half won, however, to get to this point doesn't automatically happen and it may take one particular thought that seems impossible for it to happen, then you realise that this thought doesn't have to keep annoying me.

People try all sorts of different techniques to try and overcome this, but it's what suits you that will finally work.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[therising]

Hi 123cats

Can be a horrible helpless depressing experience when you're trying to get a feel for what's going on and you have no idea what the heck you're trying to get a feel for.

I think the fairly easy ones to work out are what 'alcohol intoxication' and 'detox' the next morning feel like, for example. Definitely have an obvious feel to them. Another easy one to feel is the effects of ongoing sleep deprivation. Triggering people are pretty easy to sense also. They'll charge you up, exhaust you or bring you down.

Then there are not so obvious ones that can keep you guessing. What does a chemical imbalance feel like? This is something you touched on while wondering if the meds have stopped working. What does a deficiency feel like? Through my own experience, I can tell you what a serious B12 deficiency feels like and can tell you what the side effects of sleep apena feel like. Based on your experience, I'm sure you'd be able to tell me what your nervous system screaming 'NO MORE COFFEE, I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE!!!' feels like. I read somewhere that caffeine is the coffee bean plant's natural pesticide. If that's the case, can explain why our nervous system reacts to it in large doses. Some other foods/drinks we ingest can also have some toxic side effects in equally large doses. Something else to consider perhaps (dietary intolerance).

I've found, when going into a serious downshift, this means me having to employ the detective in me. 'What am I feeling? When did it start? Can a GP help me tick some things off the list with some blood tests? Do I know someone who's expressed having had this feeling or these feelings before? Can they maybe help me relate to what could be going on?'. Detecting the culprit behind the serious downshift can take a heck of a lot of work and dedication. Starting to question that down shift (the possible causes) is the best start. Glad you're off to a good start. Never settle for feeling 'down' in such an intense way without finding the valid reason behind the downshift🙂

[123cats]

Hi The Rising

I actually have a few ideas what may be contributing/causing this ... the first obvious one is the medication isn’t quite cutting it and This is breakthrough depression/anxiety. I’ve had the anxiety ramp up a few times over the years and had to up my meds which sorted it out but I have not felt more than a few flat days or situational depression for years so this is the thing that scares me because I was so sick in my 20s I don’t want to go there again. The other thing Is I’m going through menopause and my sleep is terrible and I’ve been working with Dr on trying to balance hormones with HRT which is another possible cause because I’m sensitive to progesterone and possibly what she has given me is contributing (so I’m withdrawing from the HRT slowly until I can speak to Dr)... They are my 3 main guesses at the moment. I’m just laying really low and just trying to be kind to myself.

Thanks for your input.

Dx

[123cats]

Hi Ecomama 

No I don’t have any cats just a budgie... but I like cats 🙂 Just has to comes up with name ha.