It's been 4 days. Recovery and how to deal with regression

[Wanderlustress]

Hi all,

I am looking for advice from those who have recovered or are recovering from depression on how to cope when you feel the "pangs" of depression slowly come back.

I had severe depression and anxiety for over a year, together with other health issues.

With the right help - GP, therapy, self-care, I've gotten over the worst bits of it. Things are on the up, it seems.

But a few days ago - IT came back. It was slow, like a python slowly swallowing up its prey after strangling it. I've tried my usual coping mechanisms...but it's getting worse. I feel like I'm slowly sinking and I don't want to go back there.

I don't want to risk my job, health and mental health again. I've already binged for 3 days straight. Didn't go to work because I just...felt...so low. I changed all my appointments to see my therapist to the next week simply because I couldn't deal with meeting people. I increasingly notice I am slipping into obsessing over terrible things that at the height (or low) of my depression made me abuse myself mercilessly mentally and physically every minute/hour/day/week.

As someone who's so far recovered and has never been in this position...how do I deal with this? I want to keep feeling.

[white knight]

Hi W, welcome

Re: ..."because I couldn't deal with meeting people"

I know that feeling. What comes natural for some, ease of communication, tolerance etc is not easy for others.

I found that thete are a few keys to consider when dealing with the initial years of depression. They are-

- açcept it is likely lifelong

- it needs a multi pronged approach including, diagnosis, ongoing therapy, meds, environment, employment and so on...reconsider every aspect of your life.

Below is a list of some threads that you might find interesting. Use google on each

Topic: do we expect a smooth road in life- beyondblue

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: how natural is your depression- beyondblue

Topic: medication is a whirlpool- beyondblue

Topic- inner peace, the glory of being YOU- beyondblue

Topic: success!!! 53 years of hell now 5 years of contentment- beyondblue

Topic: depression triggers- beyondblue

Topic- fortress of survival- beyondblue

Topic: depression and the timing of motivation- beyondblue

A lot of reading thete. Dont hesitate to post here, we are here for you.

Tony WK

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Wanderlustress

I can see that you feel very upset with things as you feel that somehow you are losing control of the battle against the depression. I have often found that recovery from anything - whether it be addiction or depression or grief is rarely a straight upward line. It is usually a curvy and chaotic journey that has you doing all sorts of ups and downs. 
 
The big challenge is to hang on the rollercoaster , Don’t let go. I can see in your post that you have developed Mindfulness.. in that you are able to step above yourself and notice your moods and your responses. This is a great tool. You have enough mindfulness and self awareness to give yourself a break , not beat your self up too much and start getting all the things in place that you know are going to get the fight back on track - get back to the GP to check your meds , the therapist and ramp up every bit of self care you have - whether that be exercise or healthy meals or good sleep, Mindfulness Apps, or healthy distractions.
 
Its good that you are fighting and also not just going back into self abuse or numbing. If you push through and accept , you will get through this. You have done it before and you have to trust yourself that you can do it again. See yourself as the hero, the fighter , the survivor , the brave battler of the python. That snake may be hurting you right now , but dont let him win . 
 
If you are up to Reading , you might like to look at Brene Brown’s new book “ Rising Strongly” . She talks of how to reckon with our old and inaccurate narratives and come up with a new open minded view of ourselves and others not based on clouded crappy stuff from our past. It may help you to poke that old python in the eye and step forward. If you dont like reading , check out her youtube clip at https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
 
I dont mean to suggest that this book will “cure you” but it may be helpful alongside your therapy , medication review and all the important lifestyle tools that together might ease your distress . 

[Broken_Biscuit_Blues]

I am right where you are, actually probably a step closer to the torture chamber than you.

Depression is not my primary Psychiatric illness but that illness can fuel depression and I have had a couple of episodes bad enough to need ECT.

i never fully recovered, I remained fragile and mildly melancholic, very dependent on my aged mother for emotional support, but for a few years I reached a point where I could cope if I played it safe.

I could get pleasure from certain things, lose myself in a book for a while etc, I felt a degree of contentment.I was no longer a regulated patient, stopped going to the Psychiatrist and just got scripts from the GP.

Then from about September last year the wheels started to fall and things have just kept getting uglier, because I feel like I am not in full control, that other forces will decide my destiny and things could go either way.

This is a long winded way of saying that as we speak I can't help you. But I am back with my old Psychiatrist I see her the week after next for the first time in over four years.

I was so relieved she had room on her books because I don't trust anybody else.So the point of this post is I will let you know what she suggests, beyond tweaking the medications which she will no doubt do.Hang in there is all I can suggest for the moment.

BBB

[geoff]

hello Wanderlustress, when we feel that our depression has returned, maybe for a reason or perhaps not for any significant reason it's called a relapse, and no matter how well you have been traveling, it's a real disappointment to realise that it has taken hold of you once again, but let's consider that you were able to overcome your depression at some stage, that means that you were strong enough to do this, but at the moment that's not how you feel.
Don't punish yourself for feeling this way, because this will only extend this relapsation where you will be drawn back into doing everything that you had taught yourself not to do.
I'm not sure whether this is the first time you have relapsed, but I suppose that doesn't matter, because the chances of it happening again may happen, not that you want it to, and please don't be alarmed when I say this, because I have had several relapses, and as much as I'm always disappointed I now know that within a couple of weeks I will be back to where I was, however two weeks might not be time for when you are able to recover.
Before this happened there were so many techniques that you had achieved, you may not know or remember what they are, but trust me they're within you and once you begin to feel better then they will take over and help you back to how you were feeling.
Don't punish yourself for falling backwards, even though you feel as though this should not have happened, but our mind works in mysterious, we don't know how we will feel from one day to another, so take your time, because it can never be rushed and take it day by day getting the help that suits you. Geoff.