Isolated, Lost and Unsure?

[Destinyy]

I am a new graduate and have just started full-time work at the beginning of this year. I am currently working 6 days a week due to work requirements and it has been draining me out. I feel so tired every day to the point I would fall asleep as soon as I get home and I've realised that work has changed my life, I don't go out anymore to see friends and I dont do the usual things which make me happy anymore. Instead I try to make the most out of social media to show the people I love that I still care even though I am just out of energy. I mean, I love what I do but suddenly Im feeling very isolated. I know everyone is busy with their own lives but over time I just feel that no one puts any effort in caring for me and checking up on whether I am alright anymore. Im just alone, I dont feel needed in people's lives even though I've put in the effort regardless of being so tired. The feeling of isolation is starting to eat me up, I open my messenger chat and tears just keep coming down because people I message, people that I put 101% effort to show their importance dont feel the same for me. I know its stupid and I know it might be just me being emotional but I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like cutting everyone out and being alone for sometime... I just wish someone would reach out and be there for me, understanding what Im going through and telling me things will be fine. I dont feel like I have depression but lately Ive just been staying in bed on the days I dont have work and sometimes I cry for no reason... I dont know what this is..... Can someone help me out?

[Guest_342]

Dear Destinyy,

This is an unpleasant place to be, huh? I have felt this way from time to time. I wondered if you wouldn’t mind me sharing my experience with you?

I have a job that is stressful at times - transition from studies to full time work can be a big jump. I don’t know what your direct supervisor is like, but do you have regular catch-ups to discuss your work and how you’re going? If so, could this be a forum to let your supervisor know a that you’re perhaps at full workload at present and that you are feeling a little worn out? Ultimately, if you are feeling less overworked, they will benefit from having a more effective and cheerful colleague.

Regarding your friends and family, I wonder if you could do your best not to feel too bad about their apparent lack of interest and keep your connections. I find it can be really tempting to sometimes play a waiting game and say eg “I’ve done my bit so I won’t contact them until they make the effort”, but what I have also found unfortunately is that some people naturally don’t initiate contact and we have to make that effort - I think it’s just a personality thing. My brother, for instance, is terrible at keeping in contact and calling when he says he will - at times I have though, “Stuff him - if he won’t make the effort, then I won’t”. But then I though, which is worse - a deteriorating connection with him or a little effort on my part and seeing him more? And most of the time I don’t think he realises what he’s ‘done’ - I think I’m just a little more observant in that regard than he is.

Also, everyone has busy lives so they may not realise the impact they’re having on you in this way. I know this can be frustrating, but getting into a habit of picking out how people have wronged you can make you more isolated.

You seem to have a beautiful and caring nature - I’d encourage you to keep those contacts open and keep being the lovely person that you’re no doubt known as. You may win some and lose some.

Instead of social media, I wonder whether it might be worth arranging eg some coffee dates in person? Messages and emails can tend to be overlooked and they can be hard to respond to when people are busy.

best wishes.

😊

[Alexlisa]

Hello Destinyy,

I’m very glad that you reached out, as you are always welcome on the forums. Your situation sounds very tough and I can hear the building hopeless and helplessness you are feeling. It’s very hard to find a work/life balance (especially at the start of a career when you’re trying to please people) but it’s also crucial for your long term health.

I’m a bit worried that some of the things you’ve described are signs of depression, or that it is developing. Feeling like isolating yourself, sleeping too much/staying in bed and crying more than usual can be signs that your mental health is suffering.

I can hear your concern about work requirements - working 6 days/week is very hard and many people wouldn’t be able to cope with that longterm. I know I couldn’t. Having one day off per week doesn’t give enough time to really recharge and pursuit other important things in life, like seeing friends or doing a hobby. On the day you have off you are still aware that you have to work the next day, so it’s hard to relax.

Is it possible, as a start, to ask for an extra day off per week? The issue could be that if you don’t, you may become mentally or physically unwell under the constant strain, which could greatly affect your ability to work.

It’s tough when we feel like our friends and family aren’t there for us, especially if we feel that we’ve been there for them. I wonder if it would be a good idea to choose a couple of people you trust and feel comfortable with sharing where you are at? People get so caught up in their own worlds that they’re often completely oblivious to what’s going on in the people around them. I guess social media makes it that much harder too because we’re often posting the ‘best version’ of ourselves, which can easily cover up how we’re really feeling. Like Gelati said though, please don’t cut off your connection with people in your life. They can be your greatest allies in tough times, but sometimes you need to be open to letting them in to see what’s really going on. And often they will really appreciate you reaching out so that they can be there for you.

Take care ok,

Alexlisa

[White_Rose]

Dear Destiny

Welcome to the forum. Gelati and Alexlisa have given you some great suggestions. I think it's particularly important to contact people in ways other than social media as Gelati has described. We are funny animals at times in our relationships both wanting friends and pushing them away at the same time.

I am also concerned about your health. You may have a low level depression , I cannot say, but I wonder about your physical health which has an enormous impact on your mental health. Have you thought of seeing your GP and getting a general check up? What about your diet? Are you eating well? Goodness me I sound like grandma but then I am a grandma so it's OK. Eating good food is another aspect of keeping yourself mentally healthy.

This is basic care of yourself and you will be surprised how much difference it makes to you. Ask your GP if you need any supplements. My GP discovered I was low in vitamin D so I take something to improve this. Small tweaks can have a big impact.

I also suspect you are tired because your lifestyle has changed so dramatically. You have gone from school to uni to work. Work is a different world as you are finding out. You are the person doing your job instead of the class all doing the same thing and that responsibility can be hard at times. Relationships are different as your colleagues have lives of their own with varying responsibilities. There is less opportunity to talk other than at the lunch table. It can be hard to change the way you interact in this environment. Keep working on it. It does get better.

It's good tip from Gelati to arrange a meet up with one or two people. I know you are tired and just want to sleep so going out sounds impossible. In fact some exercise can help you to manage your fatigue. Take a walk several times a week after work. No I'm not crazy or unfeeling. It really does help. If you meet up for coffee I think you will find you have the energy. It means you need to push past barriers and that can be hard but oh so rewarding.

Please keep posting in here. We are always here at some time of the day and we will reply.

Mary