Is it ok to not want to participate in life any more?

[Unsureofdisplayname]

Asking this question in a search engine bought me to this website.
I dont think I am overly depressed at all and I dont mean this question in a suicidal way. What I mean by this is I dont wish to participate in society any more but I am quite happy to not be around people, to not interact and I am comfortable in my own company.
The issue I am debating with myself about is financials and fairness. To not participate in society means not having a job or career and having to rely on another person to support me. Which I have. I realise not everybody is in this position and I am worrying if this is going to bring bad karma to me?

A little more about my reasons...I am not good around people. I give off a desperate aura begging to be loved. Or at least i used to. I got taken advantage of over and over throughout the years because I was weak and pathetic and forgiving. I'm not a likeable person. I suffer on and off with different levels of anxiety and depression and I cannot fake being normal. I've not managed to hold down any job for a long amount of time and often blank out under stress.
I dont trust people.
I seem to attract people like my abusive parent and although i understand the psychology of why, It changes nothing. I still attract them.

I'm not close to any family member and past attempts have left me broken.
I do have one person who isn't exactly supportive of my decision but allows me to do so.
This is what I am struggling with. Relying on one person to take care of me when i am physically able to hold down a job and force myself to interact regardless of how painful and stressful any and every interaction is.
Am I selfish choosing this? Will I receive bad karma for living this way? I dont feel like I have any more attempts in me to live a relatively normal life but I dread there might be a day where I am forced to either do that or ask the government to help me which I would loathe to do.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Unsureofdisplayname, 

We are so glad that you decided to reach out here tonight to share your journey with our welcoming community. We're sorry to hear what you've been through and that you're struggling with negative feelings around your worth. We can hear that things have been difficult to cope with in many parts of your life, but we think it's great that you're so proactive in seeking help and that you are willing to examine your own feelings and behaviour.

You mentioned that you suffer with anxiety and depression, can we ask if you are still receiving mental health support? Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial.

In addition to this, our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you, 24/7, if these feelings become too much to cope with. 

Thanks again for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer.

[Unsureofdisplayname]

Thanks for the response. I do have a psychologist and am also on anti depressants but at the moment my mental health feels ok. Its only when I feel like i have to participate with others that i feel extreme anxiety. Alone, I am absolutely fine. Can keep the bad feelings at bay. I know this isn't exactly healthy or normal but it does work for me and I am wondering if this will bring me bad karma?

[WolvesHaveNoKings]

I think it's fine to not want to participate in society but I don't think it's right to willingly make yourself someone else's burden. If you speak to them, ask them and they agree then go ahead but to force that responsibility on someone else unwillingly isn't right. They have the right to decide to take that on or not. You ask yourself if it'll bring you bad karma but why aren't you thinking about the feelings of that person instead?

There are ways you can live without participating in society. I have had many jobs where I work completely alone. Right now I clean schools when all the kids are gone and regularly have shifts without speaking to a single person. I've also worked in Catteries and collected trolleys. Neither job required public interaction. There's also farm work where you can work alone except for the animals and your boss and live on the land. My point being that if you wish to withdraw from society that's something you can make happen for yourself and not make it someone else's problem.