Is anybody there?

Paullus · ‎04-07-2017

Why is it after a number of therapy sessions, trying different therpeutic approaches, research and self analysis, unsuccessful medications, discussions with family and close friends that I feel so misunderstood? I don't blame anyone for this because if I struggle to know self how can anyone else. There doesn't seem to be an answer and I'm slowly losing my grip on the basic realities of life. And that scares me a bit as I feel there is an inevitable conclusion to all this. Does anyone really understand the frigging hopelessness that is depression, the ever present melancholy that won't let go despite concerted effort to shrug it off. There has been recent sportsmen who have "stepped away from the game to deal with mental health issues" and the world goes awww, poor things, only for these guys to appear next week and get on with it. If only it was that easy as its not the depression I know. I've tried everything in order to get a grip on this black dog but nothing seems to work. I'm not after sympathy at all, it's my lot and I'm responsible and I get that. I guess I'm just looking for someone to acknowlege what a bummer this involuntary condition is. I know I'm not the only sufferer, but in my world no-one gets me or it. Thanks for listening.

solabear · ‎04-07-2017

Hey there, I get you. Depression is a unique condition of the individual and indeed very complex. BB is a good outlet to vent and get advice and support from non professionals who also struggle with a mental illness. It's great to feel connected with others and knowing that you're not alone.

I've been suffering from depression since childhood, I was actually diagnosed with bipolar in my 30's and I'm in my 50's now. I can only tell you how I've been coping and what worked for me. First of all medication makes a massive difference to me, but it took a while before we found the right meds for me. Second of all ...meditation, practicing being in the present made a difference as well.

Being in the present mean you try to be in the present moment and limit your thoughts about the past and future to practical reasons only. Just appreciate the "right now", because that's the only reality you will ever get. what ever happened 2 minutes ago is not reality anymore, because it's gone and what might happen in the future hasn't happened yet. I've learned this from Eckhart Tolle.....you can watch or listen to him on YouTube. I highly recommend it.

I hope this helped

Sola

Guest_128 · ‎04-07-2017

Hi,

how are you feeling now?

Later

Paullus · ‎04-07-2017

I guess I'm searching for the silver bullet, a bullet that doesn't exist. Mindfulness is an art which I haven't mastered yet but I see purpose in it. Thanks anyway.

Paullus · ‎04-07-2017

Ok later, the anger and frustration has drifted away, as it usually does. Thanks for being there:)

Croix · ‎04-07-2017

Dear Paullus~

I think you feel the way a lot of people do, and I suppose this is the reason why this Forum exists. It is simply a place where people with similar experiences can talk. Like Sola, Later Dorian and myself you have depression, and I guess in each of us it manifests in differing ways, all debilitating and highly unpleasant. So yes some people do understand the frigging hopelessness that is depression, the ever present melancholy that won't let go - they are old friends to us.

It takes someone who has been there to understand - it's that simple. By contrast my wife gave me the greatest long-term support, shouldered her burdens and mine, and did not ever understand what was in my mind. Frankly it was not necessary, love, care, and rules of thumb as to what to do were more than enough.

There is one thing you say I would not agree with -it's my lot and I'm responsible and I get that - There's a couple of assumptions there. First is that depression is no one's lot, it is an illness that strikes many - like malaria might - and like an illness should be cured or at the very least minimized.

Second you are not responsible for either contracting it, or being solely responsible for your improvement. It's true that one must apply oneself to therapy - it can't be done for you, but that's it.

I'm not some Pollyanna sticking up for the establishment, I'm just someone who has been suicidal, hospitalized, been treated with meds and therapies for many years and ended up in an acceptable sort of life, admittedly with ups and downs.

Those years have not always been easy, in fact none of them were, but am still here talking to you and more importantly - sufficiently motivated to do so. I'm in a state I hope you reach too.

I dunno if this is making any sense to you Paullus, I can understand the frustration and seeming hopelessness of repeated attempts at getting better using meds and therapies that have not worked. I've felt that long-term, and truth be told sometimes do even now, though not for long.

I'd suggest two things, the first is it takes someone other than yourself to pull you out - I could not think myself better, and secondly the treatment only had to be right once, then all the failures don't matter.

I think you will have seen by the number of replies you have had that this pace has like-minded caring people and I hope you feel welcome enough, and taken seriously enough to keep posting

Croix

Paullus · ‎04-07-2017

I seriously welcome your thoughts and revelations Croix and feel perhaps I have found a place where people do genuinely know what it is like to live with Depression. You don't need to defend BB as I don't mean to diminish its value and importance. Sometimes I just seem to be fighting the fight alone. In life I have have met and conquered many challenges both professional and personal but dealing with increased melancholy as I grow older is my greatest challenge. I now know I'm not alone. Again, thank you and all the respondents as today was not a good day, but tomorrow will be 🙂

Chris_B · ‎05-07-2017

Hi Paullus,

I know you're not expecting a 'defence' of BB but there's a couple of bits of info that might be handy to read the next time you're feeling a bit frustrated about progress.

We have been tracking attitudes towards anxiety and depression in the Australian community since 2004 in a regular survey called the Depression Monitor. Things are changing, even if it's hard to see from a personal standpoint.

In terms of what BB's role is in all this, we've got things happening across the spectrum. We provide support for people who are struggling through these forums, the counselling line, resources and information; but we also have programs that look at earlier intervention and trying to build resilience before depression sets in, like the work we're doing in schools and workplaces.

You're right in that there's no one magic solution to it all. There will always be more work to be done of course. But as the old saying goes, "it's hard to beat a person who never gives up".

Paullus · ‎05-07-2017

Hello Chris and thanks for your words. I fully agree that good work is being done around acknowledging Depression, and the various ways it can be treated. I looked at the Depression Monitor work and its findings. What I can't find a lot of information on is research and definitive explanation on what causes Depression. There may not be an answer but I just don't see a lot of activity around finding one. Please excuse my ignorance if I am wrong here but I'm a person looking for the "why" moreso than the "what to do about it". I'll probably bark up this tree until the cows come home:)