Im not doing this a 3rd time round

Guest_672 · ‎29-03-2019

Ive had major depression twice in 20yrs and can feel it slowly but gradualy creeping up to 3rd. Im not doing it again simple as that. Earth is definitely hell. You cant even rest in sleep dreams are so stressful.

geoff · ‎30-03-2019

Hi Whitewolfwarrior, I know that feeling like this is awful, to feel this illness creeping back in once again and unfortunately when it starts to gain momentum it can be difficult to stop, not unless you know how to avoid the early signs and sometimes it's not quite enough.

These dreams you are having may always happen even when you have overcome depression, and I say this because I still get them and whether or not they are as disturbing as before is up to each person.

Relapses happen because no one can guarantee that you'll never feel unwell again, even though you have been told this by your medical support team, our hope is that it won't happen and I am terribly sorry that you feel it creeping up.

Can I please suggest you contact your doctor, if you stay home and block off any support, it may continue, we don't want that to happen for you, as I've had a few relapses and I needed to speak to my doctor about his review of the medication I am taking.

I'm lucky as I know these only last 2 weeks but I then contact my support group just to speak with them, knowing that I am still wanted by everyone and who understand the reason why it's happened.

I'm really interested to see how you are going and hope to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.

Freo71 · ‎30-03-2019

I could write exactly the same post - I totally understand you and I am feeling so useless- have done the CBT training twice- can't get in to see a psychologist for another 2 weeks- have medication - but it keeps finding me and I too am on the slide again. I even just tell people what I know is the right answers now or what they want to hear- because no one really wants to be around a depressed person

IreneM · ‎30-03-2019

HI Whitewolfwarrior

I, too, was on a downward depression spiral when I joined this forum. But have come back up and with everyone's support from these forums, and am now going back to my doctor and getting further assistance. I agree with Geoff that you should not be afraid to speak up and get professional help.

If you do not have a professional team to call upon from when you had the depression the first time I encourage you to either call the support line below and/or check out the GET IMMEDIATE SUPPORT link below.

Your sleep problems are a bit disturbing, I am sure the your doctor will help with that. Also check out the PERSONAL BEST tab above. Many great self-care tips, worth a look.

Guest_672 · ‎30-03-2019

Excatly i find with with the peoplw and alot of therapists its a case of i can tell you the truth or tell you want you want to hear. The amount of times im said the truth the reply is oh i dont like hearing about that stuff.

Guest_672 · ‎30-03-2019

Thankyou for your support. My recent appointment with gp i was made a mockery of. But hes in very close walking distance to get my medication so i stick with him. The last time i went to a trauma support group the leader became abusive to a client who who realy didnt do anything wrong so i was scared to go back. I was seeing the same person for depression anxiety sessions but one day i was more anxious than the other days i was fiddling alot and i got accosted for having a set back. So everytime i went there from then on i lied that i was getting better and better with each visit so i could be discharged. Ill tell you what listening to sia songs is very helpful her songs have been more therapy than a therapist!

geoff · ‎31-03-2019

Hello Whitewolfwarrior, thanks for getting back to us.

I don't believe you're getting the right help you need and I'm really sorry for what you have to go through, and wonder whether it's worth putting up with this treatment.

Even the thought of going isn't helping your anxiety, even getting the scripts you need from your doctor, simply because there's the possibility of being challenged and 'do you still need them', if this does happen won't make you feel comfortable.

It does concern me that you aren't getting the proper help you need.

Geoff.

Guest_672 · ‎31-03-2019

Sometimes its a case of "professional" help is not proper help. Im still here im still fighting and my dog is the one who never judges me and trusts me and loves me warts and all

Guest_672 · ‎31-03-2019

Forgot to mention my meds are an absolute life long necessity as my ocd was extreme to say the least before starting them. They work as a combo for my ocd and depression. I wont go on anything else as i recently had a side effect where i ended up in hospital after taking the one that is to help with anxiety. It did the complete opposite. I dont think im allowed to say med names on forum The last time i went to psychiatrist yrs ago i asked for anything that is 100% safe with my meds. I went to chemist who said im not giving you these or the script back as you will end up in hospital physicaly seriously ill it could even kill you. So needless to say i will never go back to a psychiatrist again or take any meds again apart from what im on

TheGordianKnight · ‎01-04-2019

Hello WhiteWolfWarrior.

First and foremost, I'm sorry you feel that way. I have had depression for as long as I can remember and I know what it is like when the feelings start creeping up.

There are lots of reasons why your sleep is messed up. Some of it could be because of your depression, some could be a factor (I am not a doctor, I am speaking from my own experience and information provided to me by multiple doctors and specialists).

When I can't sleep I do a few things.

Read. Anything that is new. I'm currently halfway through a book which is basically a dictionary of all the mythical creatures in each countries history.

Music. I have a playlist of songs with no singing, all of it is calming but upbeat tempos.

Writing. I will grab a slab of paper, my pens (I am a fountain pen collector and this gives me an excuse to further explore my hobby) and I start writing down how I am feeling. Why I feel that way, what I want to do, I get all my emotions and bad thoughts out of my head and onto paper. It is a steady stream of consciousness.

But then the important thing. I do NOT re read any of it. I don't spell check, I don't read to make sure I "got everything". I just put down the pen.

Then I take the pages and burn them.

It basically downloads all the bad stuff out of your head and by not re reading it you don't put it back in. It is very freeing and makes you feel like that pressure on your chest is gone.

With your username, are you a fan of The Witcher? Or gaming in general? I am a HUGE gamer (I get confused when I don't have a HUD) and I would LOVE to talk to you about that if you like!

But please, see your doctor. Tell them how you feel, don't downplay it. Be open and honest so they can help you.

People love and care about you. I've never met you and I care about you.

When you find the right treatment, the right therapy, the right routine and lifestyle adjustments it does get so much better.

If you are a gamer hit me up! You'll probably win a lot unless it's Dark Souls. In which case, sorry in advance.

Stay safe and stay well my friend.