I think I have depression and I don’t know how to reach out for help

[i-l]

For about 5 months now I’ve been feeling extremely empty some days and other days so overwhelmingly sad. But I’m not sure if it’s depression. Every once in a while I’ll have a good day, a really good day, or maybe just a good moment and in those moments I feel like it’s going to last forever and that I’m fine again but it always comes crashing down. I used to be an extremely social person but now I don’t even have the energy to text my friends. I also try thinking about happy memories but those memories no longer feel happy. The world almost feels like it has a black haze over it like it’ll be a nice sunny day but it feels like a rainy sad day. I don’t know how to describe it but EVERYTHING just feels gloomy. I feel so tired all the time and I just don’t even want to get out of bed anymore. If I could lay in my room all day and just exist like that I would. I feel really lonely because I don’t have anyone to talk to about what’s going on. I have heaps of friends but they’re all going through their own stuff and I don’t want to burden them with my problems. But I also just feel so exhausted and guilty because because they’ll tell me what they’re going through and I can’t handle it even though it’s not even my problem and I’m not the one dealing with it. I tired of always acting like the happy, outgoing person around everyone when I’m dying inside. I feel like a burden on everyone in my life and I feel like they would all be better without me. I think about killing my self    a lot. I feel like none of this is ever going to get better. As I said before I’m not sure if this is depression but I’ve had episodes like this in the past but they’ve never been as bad as this. I feel so utterly alone I don’t even know why I’m on here telling strangers this, i guess it’s because I’ve never been able to tell anyone any of this. Sorry for writing so much 💕💕

[geoff]

Hello i-l, we aren't able to say whether or not you have depression, however from what you have told us and what we have been through ourselves it's highly possible you are suffering from depression.

We we put on a pretend happy face, that's when people believe they can offload their own problems on to us, but in turn we aren't able to help them and to listen to them is hard work.

It is possible that even when we are suffering there may be times when you can have a laugh and other people suddenly think that we are much better and the depression has gone, but that's not the case, it can come back in force and you have no interest in doing anything.

Ask your doctor about 'themental health plan', this allows Medicare to pay for 20 sessions to talk with a psych per year and is certainly where you can start.

Geoff.

Life Member.