i never used to be an angry person, help?

Guest_236 · ‎14-09-2021

i used to be really good at hiding or pushing away my feelings; i was able to present as the sweet, calm, introverted and compassionate person i am at my core even when i was at rock bottom. but recently (past few months) i've been very irritable and bitter and impatient during depressive moods. it makes me snap at the people over the smallest and dumbest things, but then the anger is followed by a wave of self hatred for not keeping myself together and for making my loved ones feel bad (usually my bf).

i used to think that the cause was the negative energy from my father's house. i live between houses and used to spend 50/50 between my mum and dad. my dad's household is really negative, and i tend to get stressed and anxious and overwhelmed there, which was why i thought it was the cause of my out bursts. im sure it was/is a big factor, but now i am living at my mum's house majority of the time, only visiting my dad for the weekend every couple of weeks since im busy with year 12 and online learning, and i still find that when i get into depressed moods i become very sensitive and bitter.

maybe its a good thing that i'm becoming more emotional and expressive, maybe feeling angry rather than numb is a sign of progress. but i don't like not having control over my feelings, i don't like hurting the people i love, and i want to be who i am at my core. do you guys have any suggestions, tips or techniques on how to be more proactive when it comes to negative and hostile emotions? what to do when i feel such emotions arise?

thank you !!

tea ❤️

HappyHelper88 · ‎14-09-2021

Hi Tea ❤️ Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum
You can only hide feelings and emotions for so long, eventually they come back out one way or another.
But has any significant events occured recently that could have caused this?
Its very natural to feel guilt and self hatred after lashing out.
A negative environment could be a contributing factor but not the root cause.

I have actually experienced something similar in the past my first tip is to actually remove yourself from the situation when you get angry/upset to avoid you lashing out, Then once you are alone write down what you are feeling and why? this can help you figure out what is triggering you. Then practice mindfulness to ground yourself

Secondly i found talking to a professional about what i was feeling gave me a lot of peace as i was able to openly talk about what i was experiencing

I Hope this helps

jaz28 · ‎14-09-2021

Hi Tea,

My dad's house is similar and I now live with my mum. Changing environments was beneficial and I now enjoy going there on my own time. I do not feel overwhelmingly angry, but what helps me deal with my emotions is to close my eyes and take a breath before I speak and think "do I really need to say this?" or count to 10. As HappyHelper said, writing down your thoughts can help too.

Seeing a therapist is also useful in building the skills to deal with these kinds of emotions.

Stay strong,

Jaz.

Sophie_M · ‎14-09-2021

Hey Tea,

Thank you for sharing this. We’re really sorry to hear how you’re feeling. We’re really glad you could share here, and we hope you can be kind to yourself during this time.

If you ever want to talk this through, please know that you can give our lovely counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636. We’d also really recommend reaching out to KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, or Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:

We hope the lovely messages from HappyHelper and Jaz are helpful. We think their advice is really good, and hope the techniques are useful to you. Our Resident Mental Health Clinician also regularly posts tips and suggestions for getting through lockdown, here.

Thanks again for sharing, please feel free to let us know if you've tried any of these before, or if there's anything that's worked for you in the past, if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards,

Sophie M