Hi jd and welcome to our community
Life can be so difficult at times can't it? My heart goes out to you. I've had a life of ruining friendships - for one reason or another. The biggest thing of found though is, those who are truly worth it, will hang in there for you. I have a handful of these people and I'm so grateful to them. Honestly, I must say the others aren't worth it. I've learnt to let people go because they aren't good for me.
Being angry with yourself - hurts doesn't it? Have you browsed our forums at all? There is a really good thread - This bipolar life. You can do a search for it using our search field at the top of the web page or you can find it in the Staying well Forum under the Caring for Myself and Others category. You'll find you're not alone and may find some help there.
Kind regards
PamelaR
