I’m new. Sorry if it doesn’t make sense.

[Geekymumma92]

I am depressed and it’s getting worse. I don’t feel appreciated for the things I do. If I do something wrong I will know about it but never for what I do right. An example I forgot to leave money for a lunch order and got yelled at. I work and have children. I run around and take care of everyone. Darkness is creeping over and I’m not seeing the light. I keep fighting for my kids. They need me. I cannot leave them. But I just want to cry all the time and curl up somewhere. I just want to feel loved and appreciated. I just want to feel like I mean something just not someone who is convenient to them.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Geekymumma92,

I am a mother of 2 teenagers and I know exactly how you feel. I've been struggling with the same issues .... for 17 years now. My life revolves around my family's schedule/timetable. I feel like I spend all my energy on my family & work, then when I get the chance for a little bit of downtime, I fall asleep in front of the tv. Don't have any energy left to do what I enjoy.

The responsibility as a mother/parent is overwhelming. It is a life-sentence without parole! You cannot just resign from the job. I am trying so hard to rationalise through all of this to make myself feel better. Our grandmother's generation would have probably just got on with things, accepting that the responsibility is just the way it is. I try to adopt this mindset on my bad days, so yesterday I accepted that Sunday is always my busiest day no matter how I try to juggle things differently.

If we cannot change the situation we're in, maybe we just need to "ride it out". It's just a phase in life and the bad feelings will pass one day.

[therising]

Hi Geekymumma92

Wish I was there to give you the biggest hug, take you out for a relateable chat about the highly questionable ways of others while we're consuming some sensational well deserved meal, with someone waiting on us.

Had a day yesterday reminiscent of my days in depression. It was a bad day, a mind altering one. I spent part of it crying, wondering 'What am I doing here?' as I also wondered where the heck inspiration was when I really needed it.

Personally, one of the ways I try to manage staying out of depression involves meditating on inspiration. It's kinda like 'not thinking' and instead letting things naturally come to mind. It's taken me years of practice. Yes, it's hard to practice when feeling completely overwhelmed, when a million things are running through your mind.

Inspiration is back this morning and what comes to mind is how much we enable others when it comes to them having a less responsible life. For example, while you may have taken on full responsibility for that lunch order instead of your child taking responsibility for making sure it was complete, I was tidying up my 18yo daughter's make up drawer in the bathroom, just so I could shut it, before taking her for driving experience on her Ls. Her father only takes her on a Sunday morning because he likes to drink after work during the week. So, here we are, you and I, taking responsibility for what others don't wish to take responsibility for. While we're absolute legendary powerhouses, we're also enablers in the way of letting others have the life they choose to live. Lucky them, hey.

So, inspiration dictates 'Demand others take greater responsibility for their words and actions and demand you are better cared for and considered, otherwise this cycle will repeat and repeat until the lesson is learned, not ignored'. What also comes to mind when I think 'I don't want to be the bad guy' is 'Is demanding others take greater responsibility in their life really bad or is it actually good, skillful?'

You sound thoroughly exhausted. So tempting to gather all the 'demanders' in your life together in one spot and say 'You're draining the life out of me. Why don't you concentrate instead on bringing me to life, like I do for you?'

For me, it was my 15yo son who raised me the most yesterday. He has a history of working hard to get a laugh out of me on my most challenging of days. He's a truly amazing person.

If no one is raising the raiser (of others), what is wrong with them?

🙂

[quirkywords]

Hi geekymum,

welcome to the the forums and thanks for starting your thread.

Amanda and the rising have written supposrttive replies and many people reading your post will relate and now not feel so alone.

it is a long time since I had teenagers but just reading your words i was so moved and could feel your frustration again as i remember how unappreciated I felt then.

I found now my children are adults with their own children they do appreciate what i did for them but at the time they were wrapped up in the their own lives they did not think to say anything.

I like the risings idea of raising the raiser. Is there someone if not your children but a friend , a family member who can appreciate how much you do and can raise you.

[therising]

Hi Geekymumma92

Was thinking about you today, wondering how you're going. I'm hoping life it gifting you a break here and there, especially from your thoughts (those ones that dictate the untruth as to who you are).

Was thinking just this morning 'There's gotta be more to life than just pleasing others. There has to more to it than making the lives of others easier. What about me?!'. Now, in my mind, I've just gone into a rendition of that Moving Pictures song 'What about me' (later covered by Shannon Knowles). Inspiration popped in with a 'So, why don't you please yourself?!'. I suppose it was both a statement and a question. Wondering if you can relate to the fact that guilt can sometimes or often play a major factor when it comes to pleasing our self. Personally, I try to see guilt as a wake up call. Often, it's nothing more than a call to higher consciousness, nothing sinister or negative. What is guilt asking me in this case or that? The answer: Who do I want to be in this moment?

This morning, I signed up for a course which runs almost an entire weekend. It's a spiritual kind of course, something to feed the soul. I'd been thinking about doing it for a few years. Guilt led to the questions 'Is $420 a good investment? Can you really afford it?' and the questions went on. I know I sound like a crazy person when I say my response to guilt was 'It's run through a highly reputable group who I know well, who have changed my life in amazing ways in the past. It's an investment that will further change my life and the way I feel. I can't afford not to do it. It's the cost of maintaining my mental health'. I booked it for mid May. I am actually going to please myself.

This leads me to wonder if there is anything you have been thinking of doing, perhaps for some time now, that you've always put on the back burner because you've never committed yourself to the mantra 'I'm going to please myself this time'. Maybe it's a weekend away, to re-member yourself. Certain factors in life can really dismember us from who we once were, as kids. Such factors can dismember us from wonder, play, excitement, adventure etc. We can get lost amongst it all and can easily wake up one day thinking 'I just don't know who I am anymore'. Re-membering is a journey worth taking.

🙂

[amberlite]

Hi and I hope you read these posts even if you don't want to reply, I am new as well and have found this circle of friends to be helpful. You deserve to be here and I hope you will. This week I have found the news difficult with the political rape / suicide victim story played over and over, it has made me sick to the guts. People don't need to be subject to this story more than once. See I get the depression and it gets heavy and being here helps. I wish you well.

[Amanda2000]

Hi therising,

I've been thinking of your post. If 'I'm going to please myself this time', I'll just end up with a bigger problem to deal with tomorrow. Say if I skip laundry for just 1 day, I'll end up with 2 loads to do tomorrow and worse is having to find room on the clothes-line to air that extra load. If I tell my teenagers to do their own laundry, I'll end up having to clean the washing machine every time. They just throw in crap (eg. tissues still inside pockets, or worse - food/chocolate!). I wish there's a way I could make life easier for myself.

How can I truly enjoy some time-off when I know today's enjoyment will just buy tomorrow's suffering, haha.

[therising]

Hi Amanda2000

I know what you mean. It can be hard to enjoy a 'day off' when that day off is more about pushing things into tomorrow. When you're the one in the family who has always taken on a multitude of those little jobs that add up, everyone else's perception becomes somewhat questionable after a while, especially when you find you're taking on more and more as you go along, with the same 24 hours to manage it all.

I suppose in some cases I've begun to condition my people into making trades. If they want me to do this or that for them, under certain circumstances, they gotta offer something in return. Nothing like 'If I drive you to school you have to do something for me' more like 'If you want me to drive you and your friends to a party you'll need to clean up the lounge room or wash the dishes (for example) to free up my time'. The added condition is that the lounge room or dishes have to be perfectly clean. My 18yo daughter has become a master negotiator and a lot cleaner over time 🙂 At the end of the day it's not just about trading time or favours, it also becomes about mutual consideration and being reasonable (able to give and find good reason). By the way, that trading system doesn't always work. Still some way from perfecting it. Also, it's amazing how one's family can express (in a variety of ways) how ripped off they feel, when you start that trading system. People adjust. Until then, there can be a lot of complaining.

I suppose you could say, in a way, it's kind of like manipulating one's family into some skill development and independence while finding ways to give yourself more of a break here and there. In our household we're all pretty up front about the fact we're being somewhat manipulative, even joking about it at times while 'cutting deals'. Negotiation is definitely a skill worth developing.

While we're led to believe that the generations of primary household carers before us were tougher, in the way they just put up with things and served their family, it's perhaps our generation who has finally discovered the need to teach our family greater consideration towards us, serving us on occasion. With the need for all family members to evolve, the ultimate question perhaps becomes 'How do we now meet this need?'

By the way, that Rolling Stones song 'Mother's little helper' makes a lot of sense when you find out exactly what 'mother's little helper' is and why it was so incredibly popular back then 🙂 Interesting lyrics.

🙂