I'm incredibly depressed and feel selfish since many people have it worse than me.

[RickyAus]

Hi guys thank you for listening I guess I will share my story.

First of all I feel really guilty to come forward with my depression. I have a roof over my head, pay my bills and have my health these are all things I am greatful for but for some reason I am not taking any happiness out of life. I work in the entertainment/social media industry 7 days a week and while I love what I do I feel pressure because I constantly have to have my game face on and deliver which is really putting my anxiety levels up as well. I don't have many friends but to be honest this is partly my fault I have abandonment issues that come from my childhood that I haven't really dealt with so i either push people away or become to needy and they leave. I can't seem to open up about how I feel I usually battle all this in silence but when I do occasionally talk about what I am going through I feel my friends look at me like I am broken or a complainer.

I also have a girlfriend who is very nice but she is another nationality meaning there can be a language barrier and she doesn't understand a lot how I'm feeling and i think my bad days are pushing her away as she is becoming distant. My personality is a contradiction. When I am having good days I always try to be the annoying optimist and look at the glass half full. I suppose even on my bad days I am the same somewhat but sometimes things feel so helpless I just wish I was no longer here. My line of work and minor financial issues are causing me some anxiety but as far as my depression goes I wish I knew where it was coming from as no matter what positive projects I try I just can't seem to find happiness in my life. Thank you so much for listening everyone I am just very lost.

[LunaPD]

Hi 🙂

i think one of the hardest things is trying to NOT feel guilty. You can't compare yourself to others, regardless you are going through a tough time, that's okay, but it's unfair on yourself to feel guilty about it.

I say this, but I too definitely feel guilty A LOT. I run my own successful business, have a great partner, roof over my head yet, at the moment I feel completely overwhelmed.

It is tough when you push away the ones you love, is there someone you and your partner can both see? Moreso to help her understand than anything.

Work can take over our lives a bit, and I'm guessing your field of work does that. What do you do for fun? Is there something you can use as an outlet on your bad days?

[geoff]

hello Ricky, I'm sorry to learn about your depression, so what you do is put on on a fake face, a pretend to everybody that you are fine, where in fact deep down you are struggling and just a small hole shows that they can see depression in you.

Whether you push people away or whether they don't know how to help you, is debatable, however either or both will happen, that's why your friends disappear and this only makes your condition worsen, so this means that you need to get help starting with your doctor.

Being an unrealistic optimist may eventually cause depression because your goals can not be achieved and looking at a glass half full may mean being optimistic or pessimistic so on your bad days when your work and financial issues take control then these need to be helped with because these are affecting you.

I also worry about having to work 7 days as this doesn't give you any time to yourself or to be with your g/friend as you seem to be working your hardest with not much reward, so please start by going to see your doctor, that's your first point of getting the help you need. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear RickyAus

Being depressed is the pits. It makes us feel unworthy of anyone's affection, tells us not to ask for help, that we are silly and a whole heap of other feelings including pushing people away and guilt. Guilt is a big one. It caused by your own uncertainty and by society's (in general) refusal to acknowledge depression is an illness and we need as much help as those with physical illnesses.

So what do you do when you feel ashamed of being unwell? We hide it as much as possible. Now I don't expect we confide in every person we pass in the street, but we do need to have a support circle to help us in our everyday life. Big problems go to a specialist.

To get the ball rolling I suggest you make an appointment to see your GP. Copy and print your posts, and answers if you wish, and show it to your GP when you get together. I say this because we have a tendency to self monitor what we say and edit our feelings. You have told us how you feel and that information is perfectly safe here. If you do decide to show someone your posts, your posts here are still safe. It's completely under your control.

I agree with Geoff about the long hours you work. No matter how fit you are and how much drive you have, you still need rest. Well I am not doing your job so I think it's up to you. Please consider this though.

Please let us know how you are going.

Mary

[Skippydundee]

Hi rick.

im new here. But your post rings so true with me. I feel exactly the same lifes tolls to people looking in its a great life. Great partner. All seems well.

but from our eyes looking out. Its like a forever deeping whole thats closing in around us.

Im really struggling to take that first step to get help. But reading through on here doesnt make me feel alone with my situations as i thought.

keep us up today with how you are doing.

Skippy

[bree22]

i feel like this too most of the time like i have all i need yet i am not happy i mostly feel lonely i tried telling my friend about it but she just stayed silent for a second then went on talking

[White_Rose]

Hello RickyAus

I thought I would drop in to see how you are going as we have not heard from you for a little while. How are you managing? Did you see your GP? I think it would be very helpful to you.

Hope you can post in again.

Mary