I'll call it Anxietession because I've got no idea what's going on

[Paul]

I've been training at work as if I am joining their department so I can do time-in-motion studies and process efficiency studies.

Tuesday night I didn't sleep well I was going on the phones Wednesday. Wednesday morning arrives and I feel like I'm coming down with the flu. No energy and a bit anxious. I got half way to work on the train and messaged my boss (who is really really supportive) that I couldn't make it.

I got home drank 3 glasses of sports drink as I thought I might be dehydrated (one of the meds I take makes it easy to dehydrate).

For the last 3 days I've felt hopeless, uninspired, still bored with life and generally horrible. 

I've had depression for 20 years, probably longer. The root cause has been my father leaving when I was 4. There are some other family traits that contribute and also genetic predisposition. I see a psychiatrist every week and have done for the past 4 years I feel like progress has slowed and I spend the time staring out the window in his office. Expensive view.

I was dating a guy for about 2 months, he seemed to be just perfect! Even said he loves me. Then I got anxiety about the relationship and that had me in bed for a week. Then I got depression and that had me in bed for another week. The guy was good about it and understood - he said- as he had suffered depression as well - he even wrote and published a book about it. Anyway, he decides that he doesn't want to continue pursuing a relationship because it's not fun. He just wants it to be fun. Ride our motorbikes, and watch telly and go out and all the fun things. I guess that I have an illness isn't fun for him.

That was 9 weeks ago and it's still affecting me - I guess that it reminds me unconsciously that I musn't be good enough because my father left as well.

I don't understand what I think was an Anxiety attack over going on the phones at work as I have had multiple roles from phone support to CEO in my career.

So I'm in bed typing at the world because I have very few friends I can emotionally blurt at.

I should be out motorbike riding, or in Sydney visiting my family who have gathered or at the beach. I can't even bring myself to go to Spotlight to get some fabric as I like sewing as well.

I'm bored with life and what I have to hold on to is becoming less and less.

P

[white knight]

Hi Lats, welcome

I ride a motorcycle and am in a riding club. I have in the past expected them to understand my moods and awkward behaviour eg high and low emotions. Then one guy said to me after I started talking about depression- "we just want to have fun fun fun". It hurt deep. Since then I've don't jus that for 2 years now. Recently he asked me what was up as I went through a dark period. I told him. He said "I'm here if you need to talk and I'll come up to your place and talk for as long as you need" We live 3 hours away.

So we can easily misunderstand others. And we cant expect them to want to talk about what is a sad topic when they want to enjoy life. It doesn't mean they don't care???

I suspect that your relationship with your BF went too fast for him. The "I love you" statement is an expression of affection but it doesn't mean he knew you enough. It takes much more than a few months to know anyone. Again we can assume things from a comment it doesn't mean precisely what is being said. We all say things in the heat or the passion of the moment.

Ok. Self help. I've written many articles about this over the months. You need to accept in your case that full time work might not be an ideal choice now or in the future. Those of us with mental struggles will use up all our sick leave and leave the boss in a dilemma even though he might be supportive. Better to have par time work and realise/accept that full time work is too demanding for up and down behaviour/mood.

Also environment like country living compared to city stress could be an answer. Ridding your life of toxic people. Never give up on finding a good partner and stability with family and friends. Hobbies and sport, exercise and good diet. We have to look after ourselves.

Finally- worrying. It produces little positive effect. Google "Youtube Prem Rawat maharaji - sunset" His videos can make you relaxed. I've been listening to him for 30 years. Seek a relaxation group. This could allow you to be more comfortable with life.

Take care  Tony WK

[Paul]

Hey Tony,

Thanks heaps for your reply.

I've chatted with my psych and let him know that I think that our current mode of therapy isn't working, I'm going to try ACT.

Fingers crossed!

P