I keep failing my wife and family

[Cye]

So the last couple years I think I've retreated into myself more and more and now I don't think I know how to get back.  My memory is terrible, my sleeping is worse and this all ends up with me failing to be the husband and father my family deserves.  I'm so tired of failing them at every turn, we're currently trying to apply for a mortgage and I need my business tax return done but I kept forgetting or putting it off because I was to tired, saying to myself I'll do it tomorrow, but then not do it because I forgot or some other more immediate problem presented itself.  I've finally submitted all the forms but it's like 3 months after the we first talked to our broker and accountant.  She is understandably mad.

I don't know why I'm like this, everything I touch seems to turn bad because I just can't get on top of things and I don't know how to.

I love my wife and daughter more then anything else in the world so why can't I just do the thing that will help them have an easier life?  In short why am I such a waste of space? I'm honestly starting to feel like they would be better off if I wasn't in their life, surely they'd have an easier life if they didn't have such huge weight around their necks? 

We're going to see a couples counsellor hopefully next week so hopefully that will help but I just feel so tired, lost and lonely and all I feel is me retreating further into myself again

[Sophie_M]

Dear Cye
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Cye, we are so glad that you have made you way here and but just want to let you know that we will also be reaching out to you privately this evening to offer you some additional support.
 
It’s hard not to become withdrawn or feel worthless when we our efforts to compete with life’s demands are failing us; the important thing here is that you have reached that turning point where you know you need support and we commend you for your bravery in reaching out this evening.  It sounds like your family are your world Cye; it’s important to talk to them, draw upon their love and support so that you don’t have to do this alone.  You mention that your family would be better off if you weren’t in their lives but the odds are Cye, that their world is a much better place with you in it. 
 
In addition to the counselling, have you also spoken with your GP about how you have been feeling?  We always encourage this in order to rule out any underlying health condition and to explore other support options to help you navigate through this difficult time. 
 
In the meantime Cye, we would love for you to give one of our fully trained counsellors a call for some counselling support, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat.  In addition, our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

Thank you again for reaching out, we will leave you in the hands of our lovely community members who will be here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M

[milky_way]

Hi Cye. Yes, your a husband and a father but your also only human, someone who can become overwhelmed and stressed out. I really dont think your family, especially your daughter, thinks life would be easier or better without you. Your on the right path out of this situation because you have started reaching out for help. Even if you just take small steps, thats ok, be patient with yourself.