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I felt like I was dead inside but I was alive

Community Member
  • When my son was 8 months old I had a Mental break down I just stopped believing I was Mental capable to do anything I question everything even common things I was like I shower wrong everything I do was wrong, I stopped eating and sleeping I was worried my son had iron problems I just believe it in my head, eventually my son got older then it affected him as a toddler he got sick too he wouldnt  sleep and lost weight, no one really new I reached out to the doctor but they wouldn't help. I honestly felt dead, some how I wanted to go out but I wasn't mentally stable but I took my son playground we would turn up late, messy dressed, I suffered from postnatal depression, as he got older it affected him in his age he was so behind the child health nurses referred him to child development and he had have Autism test I tried explaining what was going on but they insisted that it's still Autism. Now my son is 9 years old and only 3 years ago I got better with no help but when I had a 3rd child I finally went to a Mother and baby unit for Mental help but it didn't help me at all.Eventually my kids got older and I went to adult Mental health unit the only thing that helped was they give so much food big portions and desert because I suffered postnatal depression I was so weak I wouldn't eat, if I didnt start eating no one knew not even doctors I was barely surviving my stomach I would get intense pain I used just drink water and coffee no food it felt like I was in labour pain and I would vomit so much.I eventually had surgery the doctors thought it was from my belly button from birth. After the surgery I only got better because I started eating. After being in Mental Health unit for Adults I had time for myself no children eventually I helped my self no medication no Mental health unit helped me I got better because I started doing things for me and life begun again inside of me. Just small things painting my nails, wearing make up on my face, wanting to look nice in my clothing. Taking my children on outings. Mental Illiness takes a long time go away  but at one point I said my self I just have get used to it because it doesn't always go away it's like a disability. I hope this story helps everyone with there journey, Dreams do come true. 
7 Replies 7

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome


While I was reading your amazing story of recovery I was thinking how much you have got lived experience and how that would assist young mums in the world with similar mental health issues post birth.


So here you are, a survivor. Thankyou so much for your post.



Community Member



I agree your story is inspiring  and practical.

Your insights will help parents reading your words and making them feel less alone.

your insights are so helpful to people struggling. 
Thank you. 

🙂 sorry for late reply I red ages ago, I'm study Community Services now, I  remember what you said and try look up to help new mums but I need high qualifications I think that's too hard for me but I haven't given up I thought other ways but I don't feel confident to share my story to a playgroup not just yet so I just left that thought when I feel confident.

Thanks hopefully one day I can talk it Infront of a playgroup when I feel confident it they let me.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Reading between the lines a little bit, I see that you sought and received quite a deal of help; and while the outcomes may not have been immediately apparent, the support enabled you the space to find time to process your PND and rejoin a productive and happy lifestyle with your family and within your own terms of reference.
Admirably, you have demonstrated the power of collaboration to overcome adversity. Unlike some medical procedures, your active engagement forms a vital part of the treatment.
I hope you carry such positivity with you in all you achieve remembering we are always a 'work in progress' needing at times a shoulder to lean on but also offering that shoulder for others as required.