I feel like im fighting a losing battle

[Perth86]

This is the first time i have thought about the possibility of being depressed but now it has finally hit me. Having a beautiful 10 minth old son and being somehow still engaged by fiancee and i are at crossroads. Things are just so bad that i dont know if they are fixable. She cant stand the sight of me yet alone us even having any intimacy. She is still suffering from Post natal depression and its very difficult on us both but she does her thing in some secrecy and i just ponder whether we will be like before. Its eating me up inside that its affecting my health. I have no motivation to go to the gym anymore or even eat on time. Everything has become a chore and is just an everyday repetitive cycle. I wake up early go to work. Come home and shower, have dinner and let her watch her tv shows. I absolutely adore soending as much time with my son and just miss the feeling of love. I dkbt know how to motivate myself and go to the gym again. I forgotten what it is to be happy again. I miss all of it. Someone please help me save myself from this destruction im in the path of i just cant handle it anymore feeling like this wondering am i good enough or am i worth it at all. It really really hurts feeling this way. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Perth 86

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Congratulations on the birth of your son.  I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time. I imagine it is very confusing for you.

I presume your fiancee has been formally diagnosed with PND. Is she taking any medication or receiving any counselling? This is very important for her. I know it can take a while to recover from PND.  I am unclear what you mean when you say "she does her thing in some secrecy". Could you explain a little more please?

PND is still depression and the symptoms you describe are quite common. Pushing partners away in any manner, withdrawing from activities, watching TV for long periods. I am not a psychologist but I have had four children. The whole birth process can be quite a shock and while many women recover quickly others take more time. How does she manage with the baby when you are away. Often the constant contact with baby helps a woman to be able to concentrate on her life again but this does not always happen. Hence the need for help.

This is not aimed at you specifically. You are there. Does she have any support network, any family or friends to drop in and chat, go for a walk, and make a fuss of the baby? It is really important that she does feel alone and useless. The care of this tiny scrap of humanity can be terrifying, especially if she has not had the experience of babies in the family or friends.

She feels as bad as you and I'm certain she would prefer to be her old self. Just now she feels she will never return to that person and that makes her future look full of sadness and darkness.

I suggest you visit your GP and have a chat about how you feel. I understand that you may lack the energy to do this, but it is the second step. You have already taken the first step by coming to BB. If your GP is the same as your fiancee's then he/she will have a clearer idea of what is happening. Your doctor cannot discuss your fiancee but will be able to talk about your health with that knowledge.

In general, adjusting to life with three people instead of two can present all sorts of adjustments. When one is a baby, totally dependent on its parents and very demanding, the physical effort alone is enough to wear out the carers. Ask any new mom and dad. No matter how 'good' the baby is there is the constant need to feed, change, soothe and all the associated chores. Babies need a huge amount of care. Disturbed sleep can play havoc with physical and mental states.

Please reply.

Mary