I don't know what to do anymore.

[Stardust535]

i just want to scream that i'm here. That i made it and i'm still alive but no one's listening anymore, i don't know if anyone was in the first place. Maybe i made a mistake somewhere but everyone's left me. Now it's 3am and i can't sleep. All i want to do is cry but i can't. i just don't want to feel alone anymore.

The last time people talked to me, they all said i was so strong and brave after everything i've gone through. None of them even asked if i was ok though, i just felt like they talked about me to feel better with themselves. For a moment i didn't feel alone. i'm just tired of having to be strong. i just want to breakdown and cry until it's all over but no ones there. i'm sorry for wasting your time. i'm just lost and i don't know who to ask and i'm just so tired, sorry

[Sophie_M]

Hi Stardust535,
 
Thank you for posting tonight and sharing your frustrations with us. It sounds like everything is so difficult, confusing and overwhelming for you and has been keeping you from your rest. Often when we feel alone and unheard, we don’t know what to do and where to turn to. We are glad that you have reached out and are telling your story. For what it’s worth, we hear you. We what you to tell us more about how you feel. This is a great supportive community and we hope you can find what you are looking for here.

If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[therising]

Hi Stardust

Sounds like you've done a massive amount of hard work, something to be incredibly proud of. A massive amount of hard work can be undeniably exhausting. I find the mental and soulful hard work it takes to make significant progress on our path in life can be highly underrated by others at times. Sometimes, it's hard not to wonder 'What is everyone's problem? Why can't they see it (all my hard work and progress)? Why am I the only one who truly acknowledges it?'

I think people are basically crazy at times, the way they can't see things that are so obvious. Are they distracted? Are they careless? Are they more focused on their own problems? There can definitely be a lot of questions when it comes to trying to work other people out. With all the questions, it's kinda like setting out on a quest to figure out what the heck is wrong with folk at times. But then you come across highly sensitive people who can easily get a sense of a lot of the pain, the triumphs, the hours or days spent in a state of self questioning, the acquisition of new aspects of our self (like the hero, the analyst, the philosopher), the pure exhaustion and the list goes on.

Sometimes I think our greatest achievements in regard to surviving some incredible battle (including the battle with depression) can kind of resemble one of those scenes from a movie. It's like you can picture some ticker tape parade with people cheering you having made it out of battle alive but what you get is the opposite. Like one of those movie scenes, you get empty streets, where you're standing there alone with the sound of crickets chirping (to emphasise the silence). Where the hell is everyone? But then, if you imagine, you call out to all the people who have fought as hard as you...suddenly people come from out of nowhere. The people who appear can relate to how hard your battle has been, how hard you've fought to be here. It's then that you know your not alone.

While we're not give a badge of honour or a medal for bravery, there is no denying the courage it takes to survive and progress beyond one of the greatest challenges we've ever faced in our life.

Stardust, I show up to celebrate you 🙂 Now, what do you think is wrong with all those people in your life who aren't showing up?

[tranzcrybe]

After everything you have been through, your strength and bravery might have been taken that you were okay - you may have even convinced yourself at the time. Sounds like you need to release those pent up feelings under containment and express how you are really coping.
Sometimes friends won't be well equipped to see through the strong façade, and you may prefer talking these feelings over with a trained counsellor who can give you 'permission' to unload your burdens and struggles. This should free you to reengage and connect with your friends in a new frame of mind without expectation.

[b_nderz]

I hear what you have to say, been there, more than once, tortured myself for the same reasons

At the end of the day, you need value your life, you are your

most valued person in your world,

if you do not value your self, then who can

[b_nderz]

I really feel for you, I can appreciate what you have had to say.

Life is hard, I've had my own issues.

I really hope your world works out