I am 50 and nothing to show for it.

[jampet2002]

I know what it is I need to do but I am so deep in a funk that I can’t see the light anymore. I am 53 and feel I have achieved nothing. I’m so damn tired. I’ve been to therapists but it’s ultimately up to me but when you hate something you remove it from your life. Harder to do when the thing you hate the most is yourself. 
I have no one to blame but myself for my profound sadness. 
for thirty years I have struggled with being profoundly deaf in the work space. I feel it’s something else as there a lot of very successful deaf people in the work space. I feel invisible as work - I’ve spoken in public forums in my workplace about my disability hoping to get noticed and be offered in a position in a section that focussed on diversity etc (maybe I such at manifesting! In the past I have emailed senior management about how happy I am with the departments inclusion and accessibilities for people with disabilities hoping to be noticed etc) but nothing .. am I being bratty? Probably .. I don’t know what I’m writing here - all I know is I am just damn tired. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome. Can I say that yes I do identify with what you are claiming and I think many do that have some form of disability as we feel alienated.

You have a gift- insight, which is rare and without it is common. Use that gift and you could open the door to peace within. I think I'm focussing on the main issue here- "Harder to do when the thing you hate the most is yourself."  To find that key that brings peace is what I'll try to help with.

Two major revelations occurred in my life that regardless of challenges like bipolar, anxiety etc, brought peace (along with acceptance of my mental health issues). I'm 67yo, at 26yo I had been shocked into moving from a positive mind from a negative attitude. See here-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525

At 1989 I had the 2nd revelation of a friend telling me of a guru that didnt promote religion (I'm atheist). His teachings I still listen to today and the best thing is he's on youtube easily accessible. He guides my feelings, relaxation (underestimated as to its results), appreciation etc.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/meditation-words-of-wisdom-it-helped-me-for-25-year...

My favourites are  (can be googled)

Prem rawat Maharaji (added by)

sunset

all is well

appreciate

the perfect instrument

Happy to keep chatting. We are open 24/7/365 so post and then wait until we are back here.

TonyWK