Hopelessness and Lack of Meaning

[User018263]

Hi all if anyone has advice would appreciate hearing it.

ive had depression for a few years now amongst other things. It’s been really bad and now it’s slowly getting better. Except that stopped. I’ve started coming off meds. I feel useless. I know I’m capable but today I got 2hrs and 19mins worth of work done. I replicate that most days. It seems that no matter what I do - I could climb up Everest and back, I just end up feeling so fundamentally sad about existence, life and meaning to anything.

because it feels like nothing changes, I just don’t know if I want it to change. Sometimes I don’t want it to get better because I’ve forgotten what that feels like. I just wake up late in the morning, ‘start’ work, exercise a bit and sleep. And nothing changes but a single rotation of the Earth. Each day I just end up in tears over again.

I just don’t know what to do. Have any other people felt like this? I’ve been told time heals and I’ve waited for that time. Is there a solution to get more energy and purpose? Thanks for any help

[ecomama]

Oh hi User018263

Welcome to the forums. I'm really glad you've joined this safe and supportive space.

I battled depression also for many years.
Tbh gardening brought me out of it amongst other things.

Have you weaned off the meds under medical supervision?

There are 2 things I know that help, especially when they become habits.
1 is self-care. There's lots of research to indicate this increases our mental health and overall wellbeing.

2 is self-compassion. Kristen Neff has some stuff online to view. It's lovely.

I'll add another that's often overlooked... relationships.
Nurturing our relationships with others helps fulfil our need for human interaction and connection.

There's lots of movement afoot about Mindfulness also.

Please Search some of these threads in the "Staying Well" sections if you like.

Is there anything specific that you feel down about?

You mentioned "change"... changing what in particular? if you're happy to share.

EM

[Gambit87]

Hi,

I cant recommend seeing a psychologist enough.

I used to feel almost the same as you do now. I'd always felt sad and alone, like I was destined to be stuck in the rutt I was in for the rest of my life with no way out. No hope, no purpose, just feeling like a soulless robot.

my psychologist got me thinking - long story short - its not what you do in life that matters, its how you live your life and the penny dropped for me. Now I feel like I have hope for the future and I feel I have purpose.

I wake up every morning and I say to myself - today is going to be an awesome day.

Every night I go to sleep I say - today was a pretty alright day - even if it didnt go the way I wanted. I find myself looking forward to tomorrow.

Even when I have those ground hog days and I find myself questioning what I am doing with myself I remember that this is not my final destination. I have goals im working towards.

I know how you feel, it takes alot of time and hard work but it does get better.

I also encourage you to check out the haka for life facebook page and watch the videos. The stuff that gets talked about is spot on.

You are not alone here!

[geoff]

Hello User, welcome to the forums.

Over the years we've had people post saying that they have been feeling much better and wanted to stop taking their medication, which they did do, unfortunately over time their depression of any type slowly returns and they begin to cry whereas before it didn't happen.

I've been taking AD's for 20 years and even though I feel so much better, I know that if I miss a day (have to get another script) back I fall and have been told by my GP that I will need to take them for another long period, so if you are feeling so much better taking them, then perhaps a reduced dosage maybe in order.

If your medication is working, then no one needs to know, but feeling healthy is the best choice rather than being back in a situation you are unsure of and certainly restricts your well being.

Sorry.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Hi user , do you work from home then eh , married kids or anything ?

Only ask bc it sounds a lot like my days. l work at home usually only 3 or 4 hrs a day , have a lot of time off too. But being on my own a lot l mostly do what l want apart from , something like ur days, l do have heaps of things to do or could be doing and l do get moving at times , but mostly with spirits low l just sleep work a bit, pc or movies, just no interest , and a lotta lotta time in bed and moping. just don't feel like anything.. l sort of enjoy work but when moods down energy is too and if not for money l'd probably be in bed then too. l know what you mean about maybe not even wanting to get better , for me when l'm on my own which is most of the time atm, nothing much matters anyway. As long as l do the min work really , anything else can wait or just not get done, world won't stop and most of the time l couldn't care less if it did anyway..l dunno.

Hi gambit , just wanted to ad that l admired the hell out of your post and achievement , well well done good for you .

rx

[Guest_1584]

Mind you , l also do get out and about and do a few things , canoeing or renos , beach, there's 5 other towns around me and l use all those all the time for a change. Do some long trips across state for work as well, or go somewhere on a wkend. They actually sound quite a bit really but not so much , life in general is mostly just home, bed, work , movies, pc.

[User018263]

Hi randomx,

thanks for the post. Yep sounds a bit like me. I dropped out of school so work for me means schoolwork, as I’m finishing school by myself now to hopefully get a degree or something one day.

I haven’t got anything terribly constructive to say to help - considering I’m in the same position but I wish you well in your own progression. Godspeed.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks very much and ahh no problem wasn't looking for it just trying to say your not alone l guess , or something !

But finishing school too eh good for you fantastic you should be really proud of that you know it's a big thing.You know too that what your doing , and doing other things , and also doing something you really like doing for a bit of fun too , if l do push myself l've found are the biggest help. Just doing things achieving something, getting moving again, really pick me up and often inspire me back into it.

lf there's other things, just start small if you want , but it could really help.

Take care . rx

[Cee123]

Hi there, I used to feel the same way when I had my last job. I used to go to work every afternoon, finish later that night and then come home and that was it. There was nothing else in my life. I didn't have a girlfriend, I didn't have kids, nothing. I didn't even have friends. The only friends I had were the ones I worked with. And I didn't even see them much in the evening shift. And before that, I worked at a factory, and I used to get up in the morning, go to work, come home and that was it. That was before the bullying started and the "incident". And now I haven't worked for years... Life just feels so meaningless.

[Sean_S]

Hi everyone,

Although it's been a while since someone posted I just wanted to add a few things because I feel that hopelessness and meaning are really, really important to examine in depression.

I think Gambit87 really captures that glorious feeling of the 'penny drop' moment. When things align and a sense of meaning grips you. It is such a soothing feeling, and reduces the uncertainty and hopelessness. It makes getting out of bed easier, and tackling your life even feel exciting at times. For me it is quite tenuous and brief, and I struggle to maintain meaning, hope and purpose. I haven't learnt how to maintain the state, but it exists! I've felt it a bunch of times, but it's weirdly elusive. For me it's like an antidote, that I can't bloody reproduce whenever I like.

I have a thread on this topic called "C-PTSD: transcending the suffering and finding meaning" and there might be something helpful in it for anyone interested in this line of thinking.

My goal is to be once again in the same place that Gambit87 is describing. It's inspiring. A strong sense of meaning and purpose at times obliterates my depression and trauma; so I know that it is absolutely fundamental. In a meaning-infused state you get out of bed knowing what the hell you're doing and why the hell you're doing it. In the thread, my working conclusion which others helped me reach is that we ultimately have to decide for ourselves what is meaningful, what drives us. There is real freedom and power in that. Which at times I find intimidating. 'What is the meaning of my life'? I mean, is there a more hardcore question!?

However, you don't have to reinvent the wheel, and can take inspiration from other sources like what Ecomamma suggested.

Sean