Hello. New here. Really struggling with postnatal depression 😥

[Pennypopsicle]

Hello. I am a mum to two beautiful children. prior to my second child i was a very calm loving parent.i had the most beautiful bond with my son who is now nearing 4. i didnt often yell. never swore infront of him (i rarely swore in general) and used to love spending quality time with him. i was very healthy and loved my regular gym sessions and running. then my hubby and i had the wonderful news we were expecting another child. once she was born it became so hard . she was such a difficult baby. not happy . cried all the time. full blown screaming cry. every night from 6pm-11pm she would non stop scream the house down until she was 4 months old. she would still then cry but i was able to actually settle her (breastfeeding) although it would still take her forever to go to sleep. she would not be without me either.she would not and still will not settle for anyone else or she screams to the point of choking. i can not leave her once shes asleep because she wakes up screaming at the top of her lungs. she is so attached to me which in one way is nice but i cannot catch a break day or night. it literally was not until 5 months old that during the day i could put her down ..on the floor, in a baby swing,rocker etc for just two minutes maximum before her cry would start and quickly escalate to screaming.now at 11 months although shes not as bad as she was she is still super dooper clingy with me. her cry now makes me anxious.i have become anxious. i cry all the time. yell at my kids. sometimes over nothing. sometimes full blown yelling which i should not do. theres times my son has done something so trivial and i take my stress and anger out on him by yelling and i hate myself for it. this is not me and i want to be myself again 😞 ive never been so negative in my life. my poor hubby cops it from me too and honestly i dont know why he stays with me. i want to be me again. i have gained 15-20kgs since having my daughter ontop of baby weight because we were housebound for the first 5 months (her dramatic cry would make me anxious when it shouldnt have) and now i still cant have an hour to myself to go to gym because no one can calm her down.not even her own dad.every night i have to retire to bed with her because she wont sleep without me right beside her. im drained.im getting worse.but i feel so anxious and scared to talk to a doctor about it.stupid i know!! i really need to because im not parenting like i used to. this mental thing is making me into a monster

[Melfromthepond]

I'm so sorry you're going through this 😞

that all sounds so overwhelming and difficult. I've struggled with anxiety myself for a long time, and my first born was similar to yours and I understand that feeling of shattered nerves very well - it's awful!

In the end I discovered that my son had food intolerances, but it took me a long time to work out.

Does your Bub like being in a carrier?

Please go and see your gp about your anxiety - you deserve to feel better. I know it's hard to make that extra effort for ourselves as mums xxx

are there any friends or family you can reach out to? Sometimes just having a cuppa with someone who will either listen, or even just have a conversation about something else entirely can help.

I'm listening and I hear your pain - babies are hard enough at the best of times xxx

[juzza]

Hi,

Do males get post natal depression?

My wife and I welcomed a baby boy to the world 6 weeks ago. That day was the best day of my life, it also was the most stressful day. Our little boy hasnt had a good start. He wasnt breathing and had to be worked on on teh resus table. He also suffered seizures in the first few hours of life.

We spent 10 days in hospital. I was strong for my wife.

But recently , i have not been coping.I have had to deal with not only dealing with a newborn , but going to endless doctors visits for him.

I usually am very strong in tough situations, but for some reason i am not this time. Crying at the drop of a hat, getting angry at my wife, not coping with baby crying.

Any advice?

[Pinkmum]

Hi Penny, I share your feelings. I am a mother of two yrs old and a new born premie at 4 days old. PND was something I expected as I went through the second pregnancy with major depression episode. I lost bond with my older son even though he was a joy to have around and is not coping with the new baby at the moment. What I want to say is you are not alone. We will fight through this. Sometimes I feel sorry for my husband too and why he is still with me, coping through this. But hey, you give him two beautiful children. He is the father of your child. I take my husband to psychiatrist session all the time so he knows how I feel deep inside. Man copes differently to woman. They need specific instructions. I am trying to let my husband do a 15 mins reading on carer section every two days so they know exactly what we are going through and how to support. Otherwise, there is a book I found really echoes with me and beautifully describes how depression feels like. Only if you find trouble describing your feeling to your family and you would like to share. The book is 'journey with the black dog'. I will not comment on your parenting skill because I had horrible time with my first baby as he had bad reflux problem. I was up all night holding him too. But to make your life stressful, you can try Trisilien Family, which is a professional help center in this kind of situation. The less stress we have, the better chance of recovery. I heard good feedback about it and I almost took my bub there years ago. Hope it helps. My thoughts are with you.

[Pinkmum]

Hi Juzza, I am sorry to hear you are going through this difficulties. Yes male also go through PND, actually depression in general. My psychiatrist room is full of male patient. And every time I see him, he WILL ask how my husband is coping. Male expresses themselves very differently to female. Male often contains more frustration and anger till it bursts. My humble advice is don't let it get to you too deep. It will take longer to recover. This is from a person who sufferred depression on and off for more than 15 years. Talk to your wife, let her know how you feel. It will only take 5 mins and simple words like 'I am angry. NOT at you or our baby. I feel depressed and I need help.' Depression is an illness, not a weakness. If you don't feel like talking, say that to her and keep her updated. So she will not take it personally and spiral down with you. This is important if you still want to stay married 😛 I have a lot more information to share and help if you would like specific advice. But please know my thoughts are with you and your family. My second bub is 4 days old and my family is in similar situation. I just went through it earlier than you. It will pass.

[therising]

My heart goes out to those trying to cope with a new addition to the family.

For me personally, the onset of PND came as no surprise seeing I'd been experiencing depression for 15 years or so preceding. Strange enough, it was a PND group that got me out of depression after all those years. I cannot say enough in regard to getting together with like-minded people, people who have the ability to have you feel 'normal' for a change. 'Normal' is a good and refreshing zone to be in even if it's just for an hour or so each week.

To all the mums and dads out there finding it difficult to cope, I want you to ask yourself how well you would deal with a complete stranger coming into your home and disrupting it. What if this man or woman wouldn't let you sleep? By the way, sleep deprivation is actually used as a form of torture in some parts of the world. Sleep deprivation really messes with the mind in terrible ways. How would you feel if, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't communicate with this person? What if they just kept crying and/or screaming? I'd say most of us would ask them to eventually leave so as to save our sanity. But what if you couldn't ask them to leave - imagine that!

If I could go back in time and put my arm around my depressed self I would offer words of consolation; 'You are doing your best under extraordinary circumstances and this is what makes you truly magnificent. Despite the amount of parenting books out there, no one has produced a book especially for you and you have to keep that in mind. You'll have to write it yourself as you go along.'

My kids are now 11 and 14 and one of the most important things I teach them (based on my experience with depression) is 'Be aware of how you are identifying yourself, for this is what forms (in your mind) your identity.' My advice to all those folk trying their hardest to manage - you are in the process of forming a new identity so remain aware of this. If you are managing to cope with each day as it comes, you are an achiever. If you are yet to find solutions keep going because in truth you are a seeker. If you are comparing yourself to other parents DON'T because you are unique.

By the way, don't let any guilt sabotage your efforts. On the path to a more positive future, guilt is simply a signpost pointing out the importance of taking a detour (out of darkness). Guilt is not a good path to be traveling on if your destination is reformation or parental enlightenment.

All the best!