Go it alone or go along? Family is offering 'solutions' not support.

[Bluererer]

Hi all! This is a very condensed version of what has happened but I am in my 50's and had to leave work after being bullied. I got a small payout but after 18+ months not working, I have used up every bit of savings and am now living day to day financially. I have tried working manual jobs because I don't feel like I could cope working in the industry I was in, but my body just cant handle it for long periods of time. I have set up a small business but the income is very inconsistent. One close family member has discommunicated me (is that a word?) after I went through a paranoid/delusional period which was more painful than I ever imagined and has given my family and friends their version of what my 'problem' is.

So without consultation or discussing my needs with me or even my diagnosis, they arranged to bring me 'home' and offered to buy me a ticket. But this would mean giving up my very cheap accommodation, and my dog, the few friends I have and I would have no means of financial support. And now I am feeling a bit pressured because every time I talk to them I am asked if I miss home, I get a barrage of family pics and I get the impression they think I'm just mismanaging my life rather than coping with PTSD and severe depression (which is what the professionals say), not to mention my physical limitations which are also being minimised.

I have worked so hard to stay out of hospital and have joined a support group, take my dog and therefore myself for walks, and generally am trying my hardest to get better. So I feel that this attitude is keeping me down rather than picking me up. Nobody asks how I am doing, or what will help, and conversations are cut short if I ever mention my mental health and steered back to general safe subjects. On the other hand, I have reconnected with a dear friend who is incredibly supportive. I'm now wondering if it is my depression that is making me think this way, or would it be better to avoid my family for a while?

[Fairywings]

Hello there and welcome.  Nice to meet you im venessa. Sadly to say family can hurt u in ways that you can never imagine and its very unfortunate but we do find the strength some how to push on in life and im really sorry to hear that they have chosen not to support you thru this hard time.  We r all here for you. I would see if you can get yourself on a disability pension thru centrelink given ur illness does not allow u to participate in the work force like u would like it to. U would also be eligible for rent assistance and u can put urself on the ministry of housing wait list given ur circumstances a sense of urgency can possibly be created for u so u can begin to get some help.  If this family member has disheartened u and u feel in ur heart that it is the right thing to do is to avoid them while u begin to focus on u and getting urself better then I most definitely would.  It will give them a chance to figure out how they may hurt ur feelings.  This make take some time depending how alert they r in realizing what they have done. Very nice talking to you please keep in touch xx 😊 venessa 

[Bluererer]

Thanks Venessa for your reply 🙂 I have just applied for Newstart, but my (very) small business complicates things, and I don't know if I would qualify for Disability. I believe your doc has to sign you off for two years and treatment needs to have been completed! So I think I am a ways off!

On the plus side, I have been shortlisted for what is hopefully a low stress job, I have no choice but to take it as its sink or swim now. I haven't sunk yet but I get a huge mouth full of water every now and then.

I am still reeling from this and ask myself over and over why is this happening. If I left it to them, it could be and has been weeks before anyone contacts me. Its only when I am acting bright and bubbly and happy that I get any response at all.  One sad effect of this is, because the person who has blocked me completely has almost all the same mutual friends as me, it is very awkward all around, and I have been excluded from gatherings that I would usually attend, including Xmas.

My family prides themselves on how close knit and supportive we all are, yet I have been left in the dark as to why I am getting the cold shoulder.  I can only think it is some sort of 'tough love'. 
Anyway, I have started medication - which I had been resisting but now realise I need it, and have an appt next week with my psych, and I am plucking pieces of support here, there and everywhere.

Would love to hear if anyone else has had lukewarm or even negative responses from their family and how they dealt with it.