Genetics and environment

[Throwaway1234]

So I first want to start off by saying that I'm currently a 3rd year PhD student focusing on molecular biology. I only bring this up because its relevant to how I feel about myself.
I'm a big believer in thinking that who I am is a result of my gene-environment interactions, i.e. nature and nurture. I have very little doubt about this, as it explains why there is so much variation in human behaviour and what some might find acceptable and others abhorrent and why some choose to do art and others business. I think this is a good thing as diversity in thought is a good way for the best ideas to compete and win. I also strongly believe that as a unique society, there are certain genetic traits that allow for higher levels of success and enjoyment of life and that brings me to how I feel about myself.
There are clearly certain people who are "better" at life than others. We often describe these people as role models, people that work hard, are more resilient, kind, compassionate, intelligent etc. I only say this as I want to demonstrate that their are "ideal" traits to have. At the same time, we don't wan't too much of any one trait. Being too kind will not allow us to tell people hard truths or will simply allow others to take advantage of us. And if we are comfortable making this assumption about “better” people we have to then make the assumption that there is another end to the spectrum.
I’ve had depression for close to a decade starting from high school. Although I could blame the other kids, teachers or whoever, theres a reason I (and others) can be singled out. We’re different. Maybe different looking, different thinking, or we simply aren’t that great at socialising. For myself, my depression started with the clear examples id see everyday of how others could socialise and not become victims to bullying. Although this affects me less so now, I feel a growing collection of what I see as negative traits within myself bearing down on me. Although I can point to some goods things in myself, I feel that what I was, I currently am and will be will not result in a happy life. I’ve gotten to a point that I feel confident knowing who I am, at the same time it demonstrates to myself that I won’t ever be happy with my life especially like some other people I know.
I’m not really sure what I’m expecting to get out of this as I don’t normally get any relief from talking about my issues. But I’m at a point where I feel disabled by my thoughts and need help.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Throwaway1234,

Welcome to the forums...

You’re sounding very distraught, uncertain and perhaps lonely. Also, I must admit that I’m a little intrigued by your worldview and comments. I may not be the best person to respond but I thought that I would give it a go anyway. I hope that’s okay with you.

Personally, what stood out to me was your comment that you’re predicting/anticipating a bleak and grim future for yourself (sorry, I’m paraphrasing your words slightly). Perhaps you see that prediction as a “realistic” assessment but i hope you don’t mind me saying that it could also be perceived as “catastrophic.”

Sorry, I’m not trying to be impolite or upset you. But I feel as much as we can self assess our traits that we perceive will increase or decrease our chances of future success and happiness, no one can actually predict the future with 100% certainty.

Having said all that, I’m not trying to discount your points about how genetics and the environment plays a huge role at life success and happiness. I agree that they both play a role.

With that in mind, I wonder if it’s possible for you to find an environment where your set of qualities, characteristics, personality traits, etc are valued. For example, the personality trait of introversion might be perceived as a liability in a very extroverted environment, such, as in corporate event management. But that same trait (introversion) could be perceived favourably in environments that have much less of a social aspect, such as, working in a library.

Also perhaps you could book an extended appointment with your GP so he or she can assess your mental health. I’m not sure if you have done this already but I feel it’s something worth considering if you haven’t already...

Anyway, those are just my thoughts. I realise I oversimplified many things but I hope maybe you will understand what I’m trying to get at. In any case, I don’t know if you will find them useful or not, and it’s okay if you don’t find them helpful. I just wanted to offer my support in a small way.

I know you said you’re usually not someone who finds sharing your problems helpful, which is fair enough and understandable. But if you feel up to it, you are most welcome to share more about yourself.

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Throwaway1234]

Hi Pepper,

Thanks for taking the time out to reply.

I don't take offense to your comment at all, my partner often says this to me and it's probably true. I think the reason I have such a bleak outlook is that I've felt like this for a long time so it definitely feels like my thoughts match my reality. I agree, I can't know with any real certainty how my life will turn out, but if the only measure I have at the moment is my past then it doesn't seem unreasonable (at least to me) to think this way.

This is also another strong concern of mine, I'm worried I won't really fit in any where and that others would simply have to just tolerate me. I thought research would be a good career as I do enjoy mental stimulation but now that I'm nearing the end, I'm not sure it is. The work load is too much, I'm constantly feeling like I'm not good enough, especially when I see my peers achieving more than myself. I feel like I have wasted several years of my life to find this out.

I'm skeptical about talking to my GP, in the past, I tried (terribly i admit) to talk to a GP. They offered me some drugs but I never felt any different on them. Plus I'm terrible at talking about my problems face to face. I will immediately become overly-emotional and my thoughts become clouded.

Having said that, I did chat (online) with a beyond blue counselor today and she has recommended a few different online programs that I signed up for. I'm hopeful they will work but I'm pessimistic.

Anyway, thank you for taking time out of your day to respond to me. I appreciate it.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Throwaway1234,

It’s good to hear from you again. Thanks so much for writing more. Even though I don’t personally know you, you l seem like an intelligent, capable and self aware person.

Good on you for reaching out to the online counsellor chat service. That was a brave thing to do. Time will tell if the online programs suit you or not but at least you’re giving it a go.

I’m relieved that you’re not upset by my comment. I hear what you’re saying about how feeling as low as you have for an extended period can affect your outlook on life. What you’re saying makes a lot of sense.

Worrying about fitting in/not fitting in must be very unsettling and nerve racking. I mean, humans in general are social creatures and most of us have a need for feelings of belonging so I hear you...

Your work load does sound very demanding and it must be hard not to compare yourself to your colleagues. I don’t know too much about research work but I imagine it’s a very competitive environment with perhaps more limited employment opportunties compared to, say, accounting where many firms hire accountants from law firms to retail giants. I wonder, aside from the self doubt, if you’re perhaps feeling a little burnt out at work.

Though in all fairness, I feel in any job role, research or otherwise, it can be difficult not to compare ourselves to others. Perhaps you have the added pressure of being in what I perceive to be a more competitive work environment.

I wonder if maybe you could try to look at things from another angle e.g. use your work performance reviews, supervisor reports, etc as a measure of your efforts/achievements rather than comparing yourself to your peers? I’m only suggesting that as I feel sometimes we can be very hard on ourselves and it isn’t necessarily a reflection of our achievements or work performance. Say, if you have positive work reviews yet you’re still feeling pretty doubtful about your work, perhaps it suggests you’re doing better than you think you are at work. Just my thoughts...

Anyway, as I said, it’s good to hear from you again. And you’re always more than welcome to write again if you feel like it or just want to vent about life.

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

[White_Rose]

Hello Throwaway

Welcome to Beyond Blue. It's a good place to come to when you feel down and chat with whoever is online at that point. Talking to someone on the BB helpline is great. As you said, you have been given a few ideas and have already acted on them. I see Pepper has also made some suggestions.

The concerns you have about yourself are quite usual. You have already spoken about the unique and varied people on this planet and of course you are also a unique person. While that is true we all share something of each other via nature and have been shaped by your nurture. Matt Ridley has written several books on this topic and related topics, one being Nature via Nurture. You may find it interesting.

Meanwhile, back in the real world where these individual characteristics affect our lives, what can we do to keep ourselves comfortable? I don't say happy because a constant state of happiness is impossible to maintain. I believe we are content, alert to new possibilities, have the urge to explore, have compassion for each other and live our lives as fully as possible. Whether you believe it or not doesn't make much difference because your life circumstances will continue to roll out.

What we can do to a large extent is manage these life roles to produce the best life we can. You do sound a little down about yourself and concerned about your own personality and how you will fit into society. Well most of us think in that way. But to make assumptions about the rest of your life based on your past life is probably self-defeating. You are the person to determine your future, not the actions of the past. Oh I know they have a bearing on you. Of course.

I suggest you return to your GP armed with a copy of your thread. Leave out the replies if you think they have no relevance. I think your GP will have a better idea of you, and you will not fall into the trap of not saying something. Also write about your fears and take that along. If you have done any of the work from your online courses then take that as well. I know it helps the memory.

Maybe your GP will think you would benefit from seeing a psychologist. If so, go with the attitude of 'I can learn something here'. Always a positive.

Let us know how you get on.

Mary