Dear Tepm~
Welcome here to the Forum. It is a big thing to come here and shows bravery on your part -plus common sense, as you get to see how others have dealt with things.
Having kids is a full time occupation in itself and you don't need to be 'mum material'. No cooking cakes, not patterns in the icing, nothing like that at all. Being a mum is love, being concerned for their well being and happiness, and resisting unhelpful impulses when they are naughty. The days of darning socks, making cloths, special cooking etc are well and truly over.
You do sound very down and I wonder if you have sought out medical help for this. It is no big hassle. Book a long appointment with your GP and simply say how you have been feeling. You said "Im just useless and feel so shit atm" -so say that, exactly like you did here. The doctor will get the idea.
Hobbies have to be things you like, and that can be anything at all. So cast your mind back and see what has given you enjoyment. A TV show? Music? Bird-watching? Making up stories? ... the list goes on for ever.
Please do not worry about the reading. I became very ill and my concentration went out the window. A paragraph was too much, some sentences were too. A real change for me as I'd done OK before. I found I had to go back to adolescent's fantasy books. Simple things with the good getting their rewards and the villains their just deserts.
I was fortunate in that I picked a series of books that had jokes, puns and plays on words on each line, which suited my temperament (you would probably be different).
Have you considered reading a page or so to your kids at night? Most of their books are pretty easy to read and if they get a favorite you read it over and over.
If that does not appeal you could make them up simple stories out of your head.
You will find something and the doctor can help
Croix
