Feeling so pathetic

[Debzmites]

So my research has said that people with BPD have seriously low self esteem, check. Apparently growing up we didn't get the validation and emotional support, check.

Im struggling big time, I let a man know a few weeks ago I had feelings for him and he had no idea and didn't feel the same way, I've been feeling completely pathetic since.

Im sure we will discuss this Monday in therapy. I just wish I had someone on my side that I could talk to and work through it with. I finally understand now why I get angry at my Dad, I'd talk to him about what I'm stressing over and he says nothing, then I crack it and say I don't know why I bother talking to you. I definitely don't talk to my Mother, she throws everything back in my face.

Sorry, just feeling so lost.

[Proactive1]

I totally hear you on the low self esteem, I think it is a common thread in mental health problems. Our childhood experiences and (as clique as it sounds) 'parents' certainly contribute to our future ability to cope. My mother certainly came up in more than one therapy session.

Sorry to hear you're struggling, I know how hard it can be to tell someone how you feel and if they don't feel the same it hurts. When I look back at the times this has happened to me I take comfort in the fact that looking back I realize I ended up better off and count myself lucky I didn't get involved. Saving myself the heartbreak. I know it must be hard if you have to see this person regularly but be strong, the feelings will pass with time. Although that doesn't help right now I hope you know it, sometimes it's easy to forget that pain fades with time.

I hope the therapy helps, I find it really useful. Could probably use therapy and a massage myself.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help yourself. Keep going to your sessions and keep posting on here. It can be hard to talk to friends I have found but you'll surely find people here to talk to 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi Debzmites

You are not pathetic in any way shape or form. It takes a lot of courage to post here and good on you!

Im Paul and understand your situation as my self esteem/self worth has been similar, and its a major pain.

I would feel like crap as well if I asked a girl out and found out that she didnt have any interest. That hurts!

Proactive is spot on with their post.....especially this..."this has happened to me I take comfort in the fact that looking back I realize I ended up better off and count myself lucky I didn't get involved"

Im sorry that you find your dad frustrating to bounce off. Their are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you though Debz, no worries at all there.

Ive had counseling for ages and I think you are amazing for being as self aware to have a therapist as well.

I really hope you can stick around the forums Debz

There is no judgement here......only support for you

You have a great attitude...Nice1

Please be gentle with yourself......you are not alone here

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[MarkJT]

Debzmites, certainly know how you are feeling. I lost all my selfworth a few years back due to PTSD. It is one hell of a horrible experience. I have been building it up since but still got some work to do.

One thing that i found helpful was getting pictures out of my travels and achievements in my life. I looked at them for ages and it showed me that I had accomplished some pretty good things in my life. This gave me just a bit of self worth and gave me something to build on.

I then used exercise as the next step. I set certain distances that i wanted to run in certain times and worked towards them. Once I achieved each one of them. I got more self worth back. This can work from everything from a 1km run to a marathon.

I do not know if you are into exercise or not but this can also be done with riding, swimming, walking, hiking...anything. Just reaching goals is great.

Please do not ever apologise for posting in here. The forums are made for posts like yours and it is brilliant that you did post.

How did therapy go for you today?

Please feel free to keep posting here. More than happy to help out where i can.

Mark.

[MarkJT]

Proactive1, just wanted to say, welcome to the forums and what a marvellous supportive post for your first post.

There will be other people read your post and get so much out of it, there will be some that will read it and work up the courage to post for the first time and please keep posting.

You clearly have experience and you write so well so you would be so hugely beneficial to others coming here for help and advice.

Mark.

[Debzmites]

Thanks guys

Therapy was tough today. Which of course is good because it means I'm learning.

I like your suggestion about exercise Mark, I used to love to go to the gym, now I'm struggling to get back into it. I'll have to look into it.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Debzmites. Please do not feel pathetic about telling someone how you feel, that is an incredibly brave and vulnerable thing to do. It is not at all pathetic, it is honourable. Even if that person did not feel the same way, you are incredibly courageous for putting yourself out there. Many times I have regretted not telling someone how I felt even though I knew how they felt. There is always someone to talk to even if it's not your mother or father, you can write on this forum, call Lifeline on 131114, and it sounds like you have a really great therapist which is awesome. I'm really sorry your parents are like that, but I know you can get through this.

[geoff]

hello Debzmites, there have been many occasions when I have wanted a casual r/ship with someone, by casual, I mean not living together and seeing each other a couple of times a week, but have never succeeded, that's what I hoped for when my marriage ended in divorce some 13 years ago, but to be drawn to someone you're keen on, and obviously have been for awhile is exciting until you find out that he doesn't want a r/ship with you, is more than disappointing, it's heart breaking.
This doesn't neccessarily mean that a friendship won't grow between the two of you, because now he knows and surely will be thinking about it, so it still maybe possible, so I wouldn't stop looking out for him, say 'hello' when he passes by, because guys like to talked to by females. Geoff.

[Makka79]

Hi, I really appreciate your story, I can really relate to it. It's important to connect with the right people to talk to - sometimes our loved ones and close friends are not suitable to talk to about our problems because they struggle to understand your issues. Youre doing the right thing by reaching out to people in this forum who can share similar stories and understand your issues.

You are not pathetic. And youre better off not overanalysing this issue - I can assure you he doesn't think you're pathetic - in fact I think you did the right thing telling him how you feel, I'm sure he's been thinking about you since you told him.

BPD makes us very perceptive and analytical - that's why we make great problem solvers. We perceive more than others and that sometimes brings more unease than benefit.

I'm sure all the guys here will agree, you shouldn't feel bad about approaching him, you should always follow your heart and be yourself

Hope to hear from you again, hope things improve for you

[happyannie]

I just wanted to say how brave I think you are, telling someone how you feel is never easy, especially when its not mutual, certainly doesnt help with your self esteem. All I can say is I hope you find someone you can talk to about your problems, a problem shared is a problem halved. If you cant talk to your parents, maybe a good friend.

I wish you all the best

Annie