Feeling lost

[Jane_024]

I’m a Nurse in a busy ED and a single mum to 2. I’m lost. I’ve struggled with anxiety (Not formally diagnosed) for years. I saw my GP years ago who agreed we trail an antidepressant, and see a psychologist. I trialed them briefly with no affect. I strangled to check in routinely with a psychologist as I’m time poor, with work and kids I couldn’t find the time to meet with her when appointments were available, eventually our sessions tapered off a result of this. Years have passed, I have ups and downs. I feel the last year I’ve ‘fallen off the horse’. Ironically I tried to put myself first for once, health wise, lost 40kg, as a result have suffered in many other ways. I’ve been involved in a situationship which has also played into how I am now. I’m a nurse and carry guilt like ‘I should know better’, people often say “but you have great insight” if I disclose I’m feeling down, which is dismissive but also plays on my mind. Being a ‘respected professional’ somehow means ‘I should be insightful enough to not experience anxiety or depression’. I feel I’ve lost motivation in finding support as a result of this and having no time for me. I feel I’m sad a lot with no family and minimal friends. I want and need support but feel I’ll be considered not well enough for work or my children. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jane_024,
 
Let us first welcome you to our supportive forums’ community, thank you for having the courage to share your story. Balancing work and single parenting can be tough enough, but to then add feeling unable to get assistance for mental health concerns and you must be exhausted.
 
Please know that in no way do your experiences with anxiety diminish your ability to be a Nurse or Mother. Although the concern of judgement can be overwhelming, we feel it is more important for you to be supported and receive assistance in managing your anxiety.
 
Having made such a positive achievement by losing 40kg, we encourage you to include your mental well being as part of ‘putting yourself first’. Please consider reapproaching your GP, their support, treatments, and referrals are a great first step on your journey of recovery.
 
We appreciate that time must be a finite factor given your current roles, to allow for more flexibility have you considered Someone Health. It is a team of Bulk Billing Psychologists who are available for video and telephone Counselling 7 days a week. And, for most Australians it's free under Medicare.
 
As you have mentioned a “situationship” that has also played a role in your current difficulties, we encourage you to engage with Relationships Australia, they offer support for people to achieve positive and respectful relationships. We would also recommend this link on Building and maintaining healthy relationships.
 
We are also available anytime 24/7, you can contact Beyond Blue either via phone  1300 22 4636 or through Beyond Blue Online Chat. Please remember that you are not alone, and these services are here to support you.
 
Thank you again for joining our supportive community and sharing your experiences, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M

[therising]

Hi Jane

I feel for you so much as you struggle so greatly at a time in your life where you're so desperate for change and support.

Life as 'a feeler' can be a tough life at times (putting it mildly). When you can feel a lack of much needed support, a lack of time in a busy life (often helping others), a lack of direction, a lack of understanding and compassion from others, a lack of a much needed break, pure exhaustion and so much more, all those feelings can eventually become overwhelming. Ahh, to be insensitive (not to be able to sense everything you feel). Would be a relief.

A lot of feelers/sensitives tend to gravitate toward the care industry. Can be hard to switch off caring so much, feeling the need or compulsion to care. With the job you have, would be hard to switch off feeling a sense of urgency too. My hat truly goes off to you as you work in an area that few could tolerate. Personally, I couldn't manage the stress. Takes a unique person to be able to do what you do.

Might sound a bit weird but I've found quantum physics to be helpful in better understanding how I tick, so as to manage anxiety and depression. As quantum physicists say 'We are energy in the form of matter'. Energy in motion or e-motion is something you can feel. Volume and frequency on an energetic level is something you can feel. Increase the volume of challenge/s and frequency of challenge/s and you eventually feel it as overwhelming levels of energy (aka hyper activity). So, while you may have been managing okay up to a point, I bet the volume and frequency of all the challenges you face has now become unbearable. You can feel how much you're trying to cope with/manage. Are you able to take paid leave from work, to be able to reduce the volume of work you face at the moment? From one mum to another, the volume of work it sometimes takes to raise our kids (no matter their age) can also become overwhelming. The frequency with which they may ask for our help is another factor. When it comes to the energy to do all you do, I imagine you're running on fumes at this point. My heart goes out to you.