Feeling lost and worthless

[Jayau1]

I recently was made redundant. The sad thing is that the redundancy was not necessary, it was a boys club looking after their own. In a way, I'm glad to be out of that place as I was bullied and made to feel worthless for over 10 months. By nature I'm a people person, always putting others before me, helping with both their professional and personal issues. COVID then came and with a large team of over 100 people, it became a challenging task to support such as large team throughout these times. The company wanted me to fail and would not provide the support necessary. By nature, I wouldn't say I've always been an overly confident person, but prior to coming to my previous place of employment, I was at the top of my game. The consistent mind games and torture has changed the person that I once was. I now have zero confidence, no energy, and fearful for what the future holds. Being unemployed in these tough times has certainly had a major impact on me and my family. Having to see my son try to complete year 12 this year, the recent loss of my father and the state of my mother has been hard enough, now with the added pressure of being unemployed has impacted me immensely. As a father and husband, I have failed my family and see no way getting back to where I was a few years ago. For someone almost 50 yrs of age, I have an impossible challenge ahead. Having applied for many roles, I am over the constant rejections and at a loss of what to do. I feel like a burden to the family and want to just hide in a corner. Whilst I know there are many others in much tougher situations, it doesn't make things any easier. There are days when I am inspired to beat this and prove that I can be the person I once was. I have spoken to a few professionals, but each time feel that this hasn't helped me progress. I understand things take time and that the effort needs to be put in. But I also have days (much like today) where I just want to be on my own and hope to find this all a bad dream. As time progresses, my willingness to fight and look for employment is slowly diminishing. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome jayau1,

Thanks for reaching out tonight - we understand it's not always easy to do so. We're so sorry to hear that you've been made redundant and that finding work has been so hard on you. We recognise that losing your job and looking for work can be really hard on your confidence. Please know that even in dark times, there is always hope. 

It's good to hear that you've sought the help of professionals, even if you've found it hasn't been so helpful. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed in the moment and needing to speak openly to someone, we'd recommend MensLine. MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

It might be worth taking a look at some of our online resources:

• "Taking care of yourself after losing your job" - http://bit.ly/QXx5fz 
• "Bullying information for employees" - 
  https://www.headsup.org.au/your-mental-health/bullying-information-for-employees

Welcome again - please feel free to reach out here any time to let us know how you're going.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Jayau1,

I am pleased you have reached out to the forums to share your story.

While there are many events working against you, family responsibilities, and also dealing with grief and an aging parent, nothing is ever impossible, and you are being too hard on yourself by carrying the blame for things that have happened around you.

Many of these occurrences are beyond your control - covid, the attitude of your workplace, and, sadly, the natural cycle of life, have coincided to knock you down. Employment rejections are par for the course nowadays just from the sheer volume of applicants; some employers even use search filters for certain key words/attributes and never even read other applications! Sorry, it's the world we live in.

I have to agree you have a task in front of you, but that does not imply you have failed anyone. While seeking other prospects, have you considered delving into a favourite hobby or pastime? This may be the best time for you to realise your potential to embark on your own career - if not, you may enjoy the diversion to rebuild your self esteem.

This, too, shall pass, Jayau.

Regards,

t.

[Rarra]

I think how much you care for your family is beautiful, but you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of them too. I don't see failure here, you are seeking out help to make yourself better because you know something is wrong and that shows your strength. Have you spoken to your family about how you're feeling?

It sounds like this situation has totally rocked your identity. It sucks to feel like you are letting others down. I totally relate with feeling like your ready to tackle it all one day and totally drowning the next. It's so mentally exhausting but don't give up and celebrate even the smallest of milestones on your good days.

[Jayau1]

Hi Sophie_M,

Thankyou for the advice and providing the link to the online resources.

[Jayau1]

Hi tranzcrybe,

Thankyou for replying to my message.

I have tried to get back into my hobbies, unfortunately its very short lived. Mentally I am exhausted and cannot seem to find the energy to continue. There are many financial and health issues that unfortunately I have not discussed with my partner, I know this is causing me greater stress. I am beggining to experience pains all over my body, and feel like I am shutting down. I cannot afford to put my partner and kids under any additional stress. So I know that only bottling these issues are only making things worse, but the family are just coping with the information I have shared. I am trying to remain positive, but each day ends up bei g much like every other. I just don't feel any progress is being made.

[Jayau1]

Hi Rarra,

Thankyou for your message.

The family are under extreme pressure already for other reasons. Any additional bad news will no doubt cause more pain and stress. I will just have to find the energy to keep on fighting and hopefully things will change for the better. In terms of my identity, yes, I just do not know who I am anymore.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Jayau1,

Thank you for sharing the extra information with us, and I do recognise you are trying to keep your family from any extra burden.

Silence, although I can respect your motives, is not always being considerate, as your partner may feel left out of such important, yet painful, information. For instance, when I visit my doctor, I want to know any findings (no 'sugar coating' or evasiveness) even though it may not be what I want to hear - at least I can process my feelings and make plans to find acceptance.

Facts are indisputable and it's nothing to do with blame, responsibility, or feelings of failure. With sensitivity, you can confidently speak with your partner and work through your situation together - together you can seek counselling and financial advice/assistance, and together you can address your health issues with the support you deserve, from the family you love, and who love you equally in return.

Nothing is as important as staying true to one another, and from here you can only become stronger.

Perhaps "trying to be the person" you once were is an unrealistic aspiration and you may only be punishing yourself - why not start with the person you are and move on to who you want to become.

Kind regards,

t.