Feeling Like I’m Losing Grip

[aidoru]

Hello! This is my first time posting. I’m a little nervous. Not even sure if I’m posting in the right category, ahah.

I’m 14, diagnosed with GAD at around 10, depression late last year. Started taking medication last year. My anxiety reached a point roughly a year ago where I had to leave mainstream schooling, and now do school online. But my grades are slipping. This school isn’t working, as I have no motivation, no will to work, but I can’t go back to mainstream school.

I feel like I’m going mad. My emotions are wonky. I’m always pitying myself. Ive been trying so hard and for so long to change, but I can’t. I can’t even get myself to see my psychiatrist again. I’m scared. Everything feels hopeless. But I don’t want to give up yet. My Mum has mental health problems, and so do my friends. I can’t leave them behind, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I don’t get out much either, regardless of how hard I try to.

I don’t feel like dying. I’m scared of death. I just don’t want to be.

This is all very vague, and I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Ive been hearing the same advice for so long, and it just doesn’t help anymore. There’s a lot more going on in my head, but thats for another time.

Thank you for your time.

[Red_Robin]

Hello Aidoru, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. . I wish I had some comforting words to provide or some amazing wisdom.

In my experience even when it is hard to see my psych I find afterwards it was worth the struggle. Is there a reason you do not want to see your psych? Is it possible you need someone different?

I truly answered as I felt you need to know you are not alone.

[LesDave]

Hey it's good you came and spoke with us. Thanks. It's always great to hear the words of youth. You age is especially important for the rest of your life. The reason nothing is making sense and is so confronting is you are going through changes separating yourself as a person separate from your parents. The world is confronting and doesn't make sense. Now - like all of us find - the world is not so much fun and caring. It's a nasty and selfish place. But don't worry, this is all in your brain. It's trying to make sense of the world and trying to see if you can find a way through, and develop the skills to succeed in life. Unfortunately there's no roadmap. You have battles going on, and battles ahead. Pick your battles and try to develop a plan. ONE battle you mention is SCHOOL. You mention being unmotivated. THIS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TEST OF YOUR FUTURE. All through life you're going to be confronted by things you hate, create fear, or cause pain. If you don't face up to them you will be forever failing. Use the school issue as a way of building your character and self confidence. This will really build your character: forcing yourself to finish something you don't really want to finish. Make a long term plan (a) I will finish school with reasonable grades. Make a plan for this year (b) I will make it through the year with reasonable grades. Make a shorter term plan (c) I will make it through this semester with at least a pass. Then set about making this happen, to make it happen you need to 1. turn up at school, 2. commit to at least an hour a day studying outside of school, 3. asking for help from teachers or the smarter kids in the class. ONCE YOUR CONQUER THIS, you use the same tactic with everything else from asking people out on dates, to learning guitar.