Feeling helpless, dumb, alone, anxious and overwhelmed by life.

[oatlife]

I've always struggled with anxiety, and I believe this was due to being bullied in primary school by a group of girls. 

Fast forward 15 years, I have miraculously found myself in a great Government Job, a lovely and supportive boyfriend, a very small (but close) network of friends and colleagues and of course a roof over my head. The problem is, I'm still being followed by a dark fog that is my anxiety and depression. I feel empty most days. I struggle to keep up with everyday life as I'm overwhelmed by everything. I feel tight in my chest constantly and I feel like people can see through me. I've begun crying, often, which is concerning my boyfriend who has always been extroverted, confident and has a huge support system in his family and friends.

My anxiety has gotten so bad that I've been told by my naturepath that this is affecting my gut, my skin (always breaking in acne), and my female hormones. So on top of my emotional/mental issues I'm also working through these physical problems.

I'm so anxious now that it's affecting my speech. I've always considered myself to be articulate and well spoken, however in the past few months I've noticed myself stuttering on words and struggling to string coherent words together. I feel like I don't even want to speak to people now because I end up being embarrassed about how I sound like a child speaking.

My self esteem is also incredibly low. I feel like the 'dumb' friend, also due to the latter. I feel like people find me boring because I hold back on being myself. In conversations, I always try and turn it back onto the other person to avoid me having to go into any particular topics in case I struggle to physically talk about it. I feel ashamed that this is even an issue in my life.

Anyways....I don't even know what I'm doing here.

[Willlow]

Hey oatlife!

I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. Congratulations a having a good job though. I know how you feel, although I wasn't bullied in school, I am very overwhelmed and I do always cry just because of the pressure of the anxiety. I know that empty feeling and how it feels, I haven't yet found something to fix it but I really do want to get my life back to how it was when I wasn't anxious all the time. I am also having the same speech symptoms as you. I never thought that it was because of anxiety, but now I realise that I can't find the right words for things and I end up just saying 'stuff' and 'i don't know' because I just don't know how to say what I am feeling.

[Ladyrose]

Dear Oatlife,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so horrible.

I too suffer from anxiety, and at the peak of anxiety, was barely able to function. To add to the anxiety, I was head strong and wouldn't admit to myself I needed help. By the time I went to the GP, I was unable to talk and had to pre-type a letter to give to the GP of my issues and symptoms. I was broken, embarrassed and felt a failure.

I can say it was the best thing I ever did. The GP showed me compassion and understanding. I was treated for the anxiety with continuing follow-up.

I would strongly recommend to anyone feeling symtpons of anxiety to see their GP. There is light at the end of the tunnel once you reach out for help.

Remember you are an incredible person, who is suffering anxiety. Anxiety does not define who you are. Posting on here is a wonderful first step to getting the help that you need.

I wish you happiness and positive mental health, and hope the anxiety lessens for you.