Feeling depressed because I can't see my Granchildren

[FeathersnFluff]

I have posted in the Family issues section before and received a lot of support which was very appreciated. My problem now is my DIL who my son in separated from has filed a protection order on me where I temporarily can't see my two Grandsons. I attended Court a couple of days ago and i am fighting the charges with a very good Solicitor. I have lodged my Afadavit and my Solicitor is confident that I will come out on top as it is in his words to the Judge 'a vixacous and malicous attempt to get even with my son through me " The hearing isn't until the 29th of April and I just feel miserable all the time. All I want to do is sleep and hope when I wake up everything will be different. How do I pull myself out of this blue funk I'm in. I can't get in to see a Psychologist until 17 March.

[Sophie_M]

Dear FeathersnFluff, 
We are sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. If you would like to talk to someone in the meant time, please get in contact with support services such as:
Beyondblue 1300 22 4636
Lifeline 13 11 14

[Croix]

Dear FeathersnFluff~

First the logical situation. The Family court wherever possible puts the needs of the children first, and to be deprived of their grandparents is to go against such a need. Unless it can be shown that the visits are harmful or against the children's strong wishes the default will probably be to let contact take place.

As your DIL appears to have an ulterior motive, other that factual reasons, I'd be hopeful.

Now of coure the hard part is waiting and imagining the worst, a horrible situation to be in. The longer the wait, the more the imaginings of disaster take over.

Thee are things you can do, even before visiting your therapist. Try for a healthy lifestyle with structure, exercise, good nutrition and as far as possible good sleep (yes, I know, not easy). Plus going out to be with others.

I find having something to look forward to each day helps - quite a lot. I use books, movies, pets, talking to my partner as some of these things. I can very much look forward to reading the next chapter for example.

This is a very stressful time for you, as it would be for anyone. Do you have a family member or friend to offer you care and support? Not facing such things alone is a blessing at times.

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi FeathersnFluff,

This situation must be very difficult for you. Waiting and not knowing the outcome of something can certainly do my head in if I allow my thoughts to continue down that track.

Trying to stop those negative and worrying thoughts is like trying to stop a freight train, it takes effort and time.

Croix has made some suggestions for ways you can get yourself through each day. Planning positive events and setting small goals can certainly help us through a difficult time.

As you are waiting to see a psychologist, would you consider using the Beyond Blue phone support service on 1300 22 4636. It can help to talk to someone to get the thoughts out of your head for a while.

ope you find ways to get through the waiting period.

Regards from Doolhof

[FeathersnFluff]

Thank you for your advice Croix. Unfortunately because of the Corona Virus the Court date has been put back. To top it off two days ago I received two Applications from the Family Law Court. One from my DIL and the other believe it or not from my Son. I was flabergasted and asked my son how he could betray us like that. He said he was sorry his hand was forced and he would make it right. I saw my Solicitor today and he said he believes my DIL and son must have come to agreement on a Parenting Plan and division of property and DIL has instructed my son to write the statement and make one of the conditions be that our Grandchildren do not see either my husband or myself. He said we could go to mediation and then file for visitation rights. All this will cost around $6000 all up. We are so distressed. ...both having panic attacks. We just want our names cleared and would like to have a part in our Grandchildrens life as they have no other family. We are both pensioners. Is it worth the fight?

[bluenight]

Really sounds like a bad situation, I think it is worth the fight to see your grandchildren as you seem to really love them and want them in your life and as you said they have no other family.

You've done nothing wrong by what you've said, it's your dil trying to get at you and your husband.

$6000 is a lot of money, and it will be a very stressful thing so give it some thought.

Is there any way she will change her mind after she has cooled down or some time has passed?

[Croix]

Dear FeathersnFluff~

I'm sorry to hear of this, it sounds like both you and your son/DIL have experienced solicitors, and that goes way beyond my ability to say anything much that is useful.

I can ask you this, win or lose how will the pair of you feel in later life?

Doing anything at all depends on so many things, your heath and situation, and the luck of the draw in mediation -plus the granting of the visitation rights after a possible positive outcome. There is never any guarantee of anything at court, no mater how just a cause.

Similarly how will your grandchildren feel in the future? If they are fed poisonous information by parents how would it work out?

It may be easy to assume you son would not do that , however he has acted against you once already.

I'm painting a rather blunt picture, I'm sorry to do that to you.

If your son were to keep his word and 'make it right' that would undoubtedly be the best thing.

So what can I cay - don't rush into anything, there will be time enough, and try to look after yourselves, panic attacks should be treated. Have you both managed to get medical support for this as yet? It is important.

Croix

[FeathersnFluff]

Yes we are in contact with our family Doctor who has treated both my son, grandchildren, and myself for many years. My husband has spent 36 years in Australian Military Service and is in receipt of a pension from the Department of Veterans Affairs mainly as a result of PTSD resulting from his service. He has been prescribed medication to temporarily cope with the situation. As our DIL has now described him as an unfit Grandfather he has now been lumped in with me. He went to bed distressed and shaky tonight and confessed he had considered suicide to escape the pain but I talked to him calmly and said I love him and need him with me and our daughter. I confessed I had also had these thoughts, but that would only cause more pain to the people I love. I assured him we will get through this difficult time together. We have been married for 42 years and I am not going to throw in the towel.

[Sophie_M]

Hi FeathersnFluff,

We're so sorry to hear that things are still so difficult for you at the moment, but we are so glad that you've reached out here tonight. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk through these feelings and our community is here to support you.  If you feel up to it, we'd also recommend reaching out to the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and offer support, advice and referrals. 

We are also currently getting in touch with you via email with some extra support. We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[FeathersnFluff]

Thank you Sophie. I will keep in touch.