Feel like ive wasted my youth

[Lost_andconfused]

Im 26 and i feel like ive just drifted past my youth without inventing myself into the person i was suppose to be. My parents made every decision for me and im so lost with no sense of personality. Ive felt like i do what is expected of me and im just sick of it all. My father is abusive and disregards my life. He makes a shitload of money and makes me feel guilty for taking his money. I know im just feeling sorry for myself and i have no one to blame but i just cant help feeling so bad for myself im 26 and ive done nothing for myself. 

[white knight]

Hi lostandconfused

You don't say if you are still living at home? if so move out.

You don't also say why you are "taking his money". If he earns a lot of money there is no way he got there easily. Whether its long hours, study, life experience or anything else, he deserves to get the income he has. For a child to question why he gets abusive for them spending their money...at 26yo, I am not supportive of that. At 26 you should be independent from others earnings.

The only way you can move on is the move out answer and create your own lifestyle. Best of luck with it and don't discount going interstate for a while eg fly in fly out work etc. Get various experiences under your belt, the ones you choose for yourself.

Tony WK

[Lost_andconfused]

I was always quiet and shy as a child, i felt like i was meant to be a woman.

I think growing up ive learnt to not show my effeminate side as i was afraid of being discriminated.

I am deep down very sensitive although i assert a hyper-masculine version of myself. It lead me down a very dark path. I didnt like what i had become.

 Its hard to be myself since i have moved back home. It was where my problems began, and it was what turned me away turned me into an animal. You're right i will have to move out to rediscover who i was meant to become.

[geoff]

dear Lost and confused, it does seem as though you need to be independent from your parents who seem to controlling you in every way they can, but this doesn't give you much room to move staying with them.
I don't know whether your father knows of you thinking about wanting to be a woman, because perhaps that wouldn't be a good idea to let on just yet.
If you live separate to them then he may then accept that you may want some money and be happy to help you out.
There's a whole new world out there ready for you to enjoy by yourself or with a partner. Geoff.

[aviendha]

Dear lost and confused

Sometimes (most actually) one of the hardest things for an adult (as you are) is to move back in with your parents, or your parents-in-law. It can really put you in a dark place and making you feel inadequate and useless, especially if you are dependent on them for other financial things than just rent and housing. I have been there myself (parents-in-law). My best advice for you based on my own experiences (and research), is to get yourself your own place. Sometimes it is not easy, it might take a while, but accept whatever job you can find, move out, be independent and create your own life and independence again. When all that is done, then it might be time to bring up the other things with your parents.