Hi Whatthe1
I believe our love for someone is found in our deep desire for their evolution, which is why I love my 2 kids so much. This is why I love you too, someone so deserving of growth and support. May sound a bit weird, coming from a stranger, but it's the truth.
I believe how we relate to or identify with people, places, situations etc, definitely plays a part when it comes to our identity. For example, I may come to identify my husband as being someone who reflects the truth. If one day he says (in so many words) that I'm unattractive and a bi#ch at times, then on some level I will identify with that as holding truth. This 'truth' will cause me pain and resentment. By the way, we humans have a fantastic built in lie detector: when someone tells a lie, it will lead us to feel pain or dis-ease on a variety of levels. Dis-ease related to mind, body or spirit can manifest in a number of ways based on a myriad of reasons.
The dis-ease (great emotional pain) associated with the grief of losing your dad obviously impacted you so very deeply. Grief is definitely complex. It addresses loss in a number of ways. There is the loss of the person who passed, the loss of the life we expected to live and, in some way, the loss of a part of our self. Understanding that lost sense of self is possibly the most complex part: If we once identified our self (to some degree) through that person who's passed, how do we identify our self now that they are gone? 'I don't know who I am without them' may be a thought that continues to play in our mind until someone is able to show us how to re-identify our self in positive constructive ways. Consciously reforming our self throughout the process of grief is incredibly important. It's never too late to consider revisiting grief counseling (with a far more effective form of counseling than in the past).
The most unexpected paths have the potential to lead us out of
depression. For me, my 15 years of living with the black dog ended
within post natal depression group therapy, of all things (after having
my 2nd child). After trialing several meds and seeing a couple of
therapists over the years, the PND group proved to hold the key to my
escape. Besides it offering the chance for feel 'normal' for the 1st time in years, I was surrounded by supportive people who understood the intensity of depression. Your own key may be found in the most unusual of places also.
Take care Whatthe1. Never give up searching for the truth.
