Don't know where to turn...

[Bronson83]

I'm 31 years old and recently had to leave my job due to the immense stress having such a huge effect on my mental health. It wasn't planned and I left without having any sort of back up in place and now my poor wife is stressing out like crazy.

I've applied for so many jobs I can't even remember them and the only 'interview' I have had so far was a shitty recruitment company trying to flog some government funded course at me.

My wife is supportive and hasn't done anything to further the stress, in fact shes been looking up jobs for me as well and I've applied to any she forwards me, but I still feel so

useless and have recently started developing some serious self-loathing.

The last few days in between applying for jobs and dropping off resumes I've spent curled up on the couch sobbing and contemplating just ending everything. I don't understand why I feel this way but it's the only thoughts that seem to bring me any comfort at the moment and the worst part is I don't have any good reason to feel this way.

What do I do? Who can I talk to?? I've tried talking to my wife but I just made her feel terrible and she thinks she has done something wrong. I already take medication for

my depression but I've never felt this low before....

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Bronson

I’m really glad you’ve come here and provided your post and while I’m at it, I’d like to welcome you to Beyond Blue also.

Things don’t sound good to me at all for you and it’s been that way for a while now too, I’m guessing.

I know it’s so hard for our partners, when they want to help, they want to be supportive, but understanding depression and the effects it has on us, often times ends up being worse for us (and them) if we try to share.  I know that only too well, which gets frustrating.

Mate, you’re just 31 years – there IS so much more out there, so much more to see, to do, to experience and I know you really want that MORE than what you described below in saying that you have contemplated ending it all.  This would rip your wife apart;   not to mention your family, your friends, acquaintances – it is like a domino effect when something so tragic as this happens.  So we’ve got to do all we can to get your mind and your thinking into a better pattern.  This is so incredibly important.  If by some chance though Bronson, that you are getting these feelings again, Beyond Blue have a number at the top of each page, their hotline number that can be called (1300 22 4636) OR Lifeline (13 1114).  These numbers are very important and should definitely be phoned if you’re feeling at that low level.

You said you’re taking some kind of medication – have you been on that for a long time?   And may I ask when was your last appointment with a GP?

For talking, we listen hear all the time and will respond back – but alas, we are fellow sufferers, who are also in the midst of it all;  but for a lot of us, there’s a lot of knowledge and experience out there.

But speaking professionally, I would be seeking out a GP – Beyond Blue have a list on this site;  and these GP’s are all qualified in dealing with mental health issues and would be also best able to refer you on to appropriate counselling.

I hope you can get back to us soon.

Neil

[Cestro]

Hey Bronson.

It sounds like you've been having a really hard time lately. It's great to see that you've remained so strong and focussed throughout.

For a start, I would like to say that depression is a difficult thing to understand. There are so many types of depression and so many symptoms.
Realise that sometimes when battling depression, bad feelings and thoughts can appear without reason, which means that you could feel bad regardless of what situation your going through.

A good way to make yourself feel better, is to get out and do more things. I realise that when I'm battling depression, the thing I want to do most is stay in bed and do nothing. But what I have found out is that forcing yourself to get out and do more things often makes you feel much better. I find that this is because when you have nothing to do or become bored, those depressing thoughts and feelings begin to linger and circle around you're mind, which often causes you to feel worse as a result. Whereas, if you get out and do things you enjoy (or used to enjoy), you're mind is focussed and doesn't allow the opportunity for those depressing thoughts and feelings to slip back in.

So perhaps you could find something that keeps you interested, like a hobby/passion, going out and shopping at different/new stores, getting a bite to eat somewhere nice or having a drink with a friend. Even just reading a book or watching a video is better than having nothing to do at all and keeps your brain occupied.
Also, getting exercise can make you feel allot better and more in control. So perhaps consider going for a brisk walk or cycle. I know that you probably don't feel like doing any of these things because you're low on will power, but that's why you have to force yourself to do it.

When you need someone to talk to, I can understand that people often have varied reactions. For example, allot of my family get stressed out and anxious when I talk about my problems with them. But there are allot of people out their who can completely relate and support you, including all those on the BB forum. So always let us know if you have something that you need to get off your mind.
When it comes to speaking to you're wife, perhaps you could sit her down and let her know that you just need to talk to someone and that she shouldn't be worried.

Lastly, keep being strong like you have been, don't give in to your battles, because they always become easier at some point, even if its a gradual process.

See you