Does anybody else deny help?

[Meep01]

Hi,

More than anything I'm just writing to get things out. I dont really feel comfortable or able to talk to anybody, and that's the main problem. I guess I should start by stating I know I'm depressed. I'm a young adult, and I've been in and out of depression my whole teenage life and it has been really tough. This time though is one of the most tough, because for some reason I wont speak about it. I don't think I'm looking for advice, more just to hear from somebody who has experienced or is still experiencing this. 

It's been a few months now since I've started feeling depressed again. I was depressed at the beginning of the year, and ended up going to a psychiatrist. For reasons I don't really understand I cancelled going to any of my appointments and I have stopped taking my medication. The medication made me feel more tired, because I felt like it was 'pushing' me through when I didnt have the energy to do so. People started noticing how I was feeling, but honestly I don' t remember what they said. About a week ago I 'broke down' into tears and confessed how I was feeling to my mother, but she told me that I had too many committments at stake. I then spoke to my sister, who let me stay with her for the evening and cancelled my shifts for the day. The next day though, everybody expected me to be better and continued on.

 My problem is that I feel like the world wont stop moving, like I am on a conveyor belt and even though I am overwhelmed I can't make things pause so that I can catch my breathe. Each day I need to go to work, be there for my partner, do my study. I feel like there isn't the time to stop and get help, or that if I open up about how I am feeling everything around me is going to collapse.I feel like nobody cares about me, or that it is my fault and I am over reacting and just need to 'grow up'. People have started getting short with me, yelling at me for not talking and calling me selfish.

I tried to make an appointment with my doctor but he is on holidays. I'm worried that if I speak up about how I am feeling people are going to make me cut my shifts or make drastic changes. Even worse, they'll tell me they don't do 'crisis care', and that I need to go to the hospital.

I know I am walking on glass, but for some reason I just wont seek out the help that I need, I tell myself that I need to keep going no matter what.

Has anybody else felt this way, and what did you do? Do you have any advice, or could you relate at all?

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Meep01,

Thank you for your post and for sharing your situation with this online community.

My name is John and I am much older than you. I am a retired policeman and have post traumatic stress disorder and depression. The symptoms you describe are very typical of depression. You will find many people on here describing similar experiences.

It is not uncommon to have no motivation, to isolate yourself from the world, to struggle with things like maintaining contact with friends and family, getting out of bed, showering, enjoying just about anything and the list goes on.

The good news is that it does not have to just keep spiraling down. You will find plenty of support here and can have as little or as much involvement as you choose. Someone will always write back to you. The forum is anonymous and there is some excellent literature on here as well as access to skilled support by web chat and the hotline.If you want to open up, we are here. Your struggle is not uncommon and you are not a bad person for experiencing strong emotions surrounding your life.

Kind regards,John.

[Double_Trouble]

Hi

I just saw this post, wish I had read it before responding on the other thread. My heart goes out to you, it is so difficult to find the strength to open up about your feelings and then to not get the support you need is heart wrenching.  Do not give up, perhaps you could ring the support line on here and chat with someone or even Life Line, there have been times in my past when a 2am call to them was a saving grace, just to be able to vent even to a stranger on the other end of the phone can help.  

Face to face, be selective on who you try to talk with though, its a gut feeling, some people find it overwhelming to be confronted with someones inner feelings and emotional baggage and they can sometimes react very differently than what we hoped.  You will do yourself more damage by going person to person, especially if it becomes repetitive, they may not take you seriously. That is why for now I would suggest a professional, you can get free services over the phone and you don't have to give your real name if you are concerned about your employer finding out.  Be selfish - its your life and your health, put yourself first, leave the commitments for others to deal with.....

[Lottie]

Hi Meep01

I can relate very much to what your going through. I to spent my teenage years with anxiety and depression as well as Aspergers and I know what it is like to not want to talk about it or seek help. When I did I felt like nobody cared and I was called selfish and a sponge as well for wanting to talk about things in the past. However, I would recommend you try and get on a mental health plan so you can see a psychologist, sometimes it takes a while to find the right one but they can be really helpful.

Good luck