Depression and close family overseas - anyone else in the same situation?

[KC12]

Hi all,

I have been depressed from some years now and I have been struggling to find my place here in Australia. I moved here for love as my husband is Australian. He knows how I am feeling and although we speak about it a lot he can't really empathise as all his family and friends are 1 hour away and mine are 30 hours on a plane...

Due to the travel restrictions and my PR status, I am not able to leave the country which I thought it was okay during the worst times but seeing all the information about being trapped here until next year,2 years or waiting for the vaccine(?) is making my anxiety go wild. My close family(parents and sister) are overseas and not knowing when I can see them is really affecting me. I really struggle to keep my worry under control and it doesn't help all the news about it. My home country and family got hit really bad, and Australia's number is nothing comparing to what Europe went through but they were never stripped from their right to leave their country.

Sorry for the rant, just want to see if anyone else is in the same situation and it would be helpful to hear how are they coping.

Thanks

[Tangney]

Hi Randomx, I think it wouldn't make people so upset if internationals were actually being blocked from coming in, but they're not. It's very clear that people are able to come into Australia. The problem is that Australian citizens can't get out without permission, and most are knocked back when they apply even on compassionate/humanitarian grounds, and it's also very difficult for Australian citizens to get back in. I don't think what's being done is legal, but most people don't seem to care and it's upsetting for people who do.

[blackbirdinthenight]

Hey KC12,

Thanks for your post. My partner and I are both from the US. We have no family here. I had plans to return in July and again at Christmas (for a few months). Obviously, I didn't go in July, and now it's looking like Covid may block that trip as well.
I'm currently dealing with depression/anxiety/ADHD, trying to find the right med, trying to find the right counselor. My husband's a student and coming up to major exams. We have a toddler and a dog. With all that I'm overwhelmed, and I want so badly to go home, which I technically can do. But I wouldn't be able to come back.
I've completely stopped looking at the news for about 3 weeks now. This has given me the opposite reaction, however. I get angry that (at least) the US didn't take more precaution and closer it's borders or push wearing masks or anything. Maybe if they had, they wouldn't be in quite so dire states, and things could open up sooner.
If you've come up with anymore strategies, please let me know.

[Tangney]

Hi blackbirdinthenight, If it's any consolation to you, I don't think it really matters what the US did or did not do. Australia would always take a conservative position. If you were in the UK for example, I'm pretty sure that you would be able to go back and forth to the US. I, personally, don't find avoiding the news of much help as I've always kept myself informed. It actually really irritates me that people keep suggesting that a lack of news would be somehow therapeutic when all I long for is news of freedom! I'm afraid that the only strategy at the moment is avoidance of boredom and a degree of acceptance that we are living in a country that has stripped freedoms away with the agreement of the majority. I have noticed that some people have been able to lobby to get their stories told by the media and some have been successful in being able to get where they need to go. I personally find the feeling of entrapment to be intolerable.

[Behebsbwna]

I know it’d be venting but I myself am a PR with hubby an Aussie and his family living here. I’ve been here half my life (since student) but it doesn’t make me miss home less. Always struggle with the ques settle down here or go back or go Asia etc as career has always been something hard to establish here. Finally ‘settled down’ with family and 2 young children now but we always try to visit my parents every other year. Was meant to fly back May 2020 but that plan has gone to shambles. Long story short, I am 8 mths preg and had to scramble to get 2nd hand baby things off a friend the day VIC announced stage 4 as there’s NOTHING within 5km from me. Not only is my mom not able to fly in to be a support, I am struggling to get ‘Chinese medicine’ which are essential for my ‘confinement recovery month’. Wouldn’t want to risk it by travelling to Boxhill even tho it’s pretty much the only place to get everything (saw news of a person from the west -where I am, getting fined buying stuff from boxhill). I quit my banking job a year ago due to mom guilt/pressure and now I don’t know if I can get back in to work next year after the baby with how the world is. I can’t manage going out for exercise/walk as that’ll be carrying a heavy belly and dragging 2 young boys. Hubby works full time in healthcare so he’s not ‘wfh’ like most ppl. Like you, I am homesick and been looking at comfort food from my country and trying to cook them. Perhaps it’s something you’re able to do? Prob not the healthiest ie find comfort in carbs and sweets but we are all just trying to do what we can to cope and get through until it gets better? And I suppose staying connected with loved ones and speaking up to your hubby about the mental load is important albeit I personally am struggling in physical speech (so covid exhausted id rather type). Hope you find something you can hold on to for another few weeks. Knowing travels won’t be possible for awhile but I am personally trying to trick myself by living by the day/week and occasionally think about the places I’d visit when the world is not sick. Perhaps learn a language during this time? I tried to pick up Japanese despite already speaking 4 languages but it is a distraction after all!take care!

[Guest_1584]

Hi tangney . Hmm, not sure what's goin in with incoming international pretty sure most are blocked actually unless it's essential, airports are ghost town but as l say , not sure. One things for sure though people not being able to go home , insanity, dunno wth the theory there is . As far as lock downs and rights , problem is what;s the alternative . look at Sweden , 80 odd k , less than half our pop, Spains goin off again kids weren't even allowed out of the house to play there for mths and they'll probably be going back to that again, another friend there's had 3000 cases within a few k radius of his house, airports wre completely locked down for mths, Uk a lot are angry bc they didn't lock down soon enough there, US , total disaster , l mean who knows. Others are still open yet with 100s of 1,000s of cases .

Hiya behe . Just wondering l mean that's def' essential surely you can go and get what you need or get deliveries , sorry about your sitch though could only imagine how you must be feeling. So is it your mum's not allowed in to visit right now, international is closed then or it's just the Melb lockdown or ? My partners stuck in Sydney l'm up on the coast in Vic so not in melb but she still can't get back. Although l know nothing like your situation but just saying. Anyway hoping everything goes ok.

rx

[Tangney]

Hi randomx. I think the definition of "essential" is not being applied equally. It's my understanding that the vast majority are being knocked back. But if you're a famous person, have lots of money etc, the rules are very easily bent. Australia is closed to some but not to others. I can't see the reason for punishing PR's and citizens in this way while waving others through. It's very upsetting.

[PhoebeWings]

Hi

As a NZ citizen living in Australia, I feel both countries have got us locked up.

I’m trying to unravel how I feel about all this as time goes on... regarding Australia’s (and NZ) plan of action.
What is the best strategy?
My friends and family in the UK haven’t been so closely managed through lockdown and beyond, unlike here.

Those friends who are vulnerable make their own safety by avoiding crowded places.... and other safeguards.

However,I do know how I feel emotionally, mentally and psychologically - it is pretty rough as we move into roughly the six month.

I’m fairly new to Australia having only moved 18 months ago.

I’m finding it really tough going knowing that realistically it could be another two years before we can travel with any degree of relaxed normality. Even then..... I wonder about the future cost of flying.

I’m completely cut off from those who matter the most to me.... grateful for the internet, but it’s now wearing thin....

I do think something needs to change, in terms of how we live with COVID. But I’m wary of saying how that could look.....

Thanks for this thread, I’ve had a very down week to be honest.

[Guest_1584]

Yeah God l dunno , l think it should be somewhere in between myself bc short of a vac we're gonna have to live with this thing for awhile.

l'd say Aus and NZ being so isolated figure they have a chance of wiping it out but to me that's lala land. Bc if your not living the real world then it's not wiped out it's only locked out so to speak if thy do even get that far , but you can't go on and on like that so the whole ideas a bit silly . Or maybe they were counting on a vac and the uk one is looking very good, l think something will come through myself. Peopl not being abl to go home or come home though, mad, and it's not even logical they can just isolate and it'd be fine.

[quince]

Hey KC12 - thanks for reaching out. It seems like there are a lot of us in similar situations.

I'm in almost the reverse situation to you PhoebeWings, but it feels like the impact is the same. My partner and I moved to NZ 2.5 years ago, and I came back to Australia at the end of last year to explore better job prospects back here. I was depressed and unmotivated in NZ, so we decided we'd go long-distance, knowing that at any time we could fly back and forth between NZ and Aus to spend a few days together if we needed. Only we got stuck with COVID lockdowns, and though my family is here, being indefinitely separated from my partner is really tough. He's my best friend and number 1 support person. We talk daily, but it's not the same and I really miss his presence.

So I really empathise with you all in similar situations.

KC12 - Some things I find helpful to cope are:

- Keep reaching out to people. Speak with loved ones often, and even just to hang out over a video call - not just to sit there and catch up on the latest news, but spend time together going about our lives. Sometimes we'll just have FaceTime going while we study, draw, read, fold washing, cook dinner etc, so it feels more like normal life.

- Being honest with other people in my life about how hard it is - asking for hugs from friends (when that's allowed).

- Being kind to myself. This is a really weird situation that no one could have really predicted.

- Keeping up with managing depression. Do you have a GP you trust? Perhaps you could see them and talk about how you're finding it. If you're seeing a therapist/counsellor/psych - keep going, go more frequently if you're able, and talk through the stress that COVID is adding to your existing mental health troubles.

Hope you're doing okay.

x quince

[PhoebeWings]

“l'd say Aus and NZ being so isolated figure they have a chance of wiping it out but to me that's lala land.“

In the beginning, it seemed exciting and something to aim for... but at this point I agree, it is a touch lala land.

My husband and I have no financial issues, we live in a beautiful spot with acres of pretty valleys and trees.

So our experience is absolutely nowhere near the utter misery experienced by too many at the moment.

But....I know my mental health is really not good due to the sudden shock of global change and its impact on our lives.

I’m treading water, I don’t suffer from anxiety or panic - but like others here, my personal set of circumstances are highlighting my feelings of being cut off from the ‘life’ that connects me to those who matter to me the most.... who all happen to be overseas.
On a purely selfish level, it’s the state of travel that wears me down personally. It’s nothing compared to others, but it’s been my lifeline. A little of me is dying inside right now.
And I need to pick up some pace and not sink down further.